NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You

Six years ago, I was a mess. I had a tiny baby and a pediatrician who thought I should be rearing Goliath. I had neither enough milk nor sleep - though I did manage to come down with what I am sure was the worst bout of mastitis in the history of mastitis. I was desperate for adult conversation. I loved that baby more than I could have ever predicted, but that baby was also kicking my a**. I do not actually look back super fondly on this time. Instead, I have blocked out a lot of it. I had to really refocus myself when Helen came along.

Out of loneliness with a little hope mixed in, I attended meetings at the Breastfeeding Center of Greater Washington. Yes, to my non-mom friends, such a place exists. And for that hour, and sometimes the hour that followed as we had lunch at Grace's, I felt a little respite. Everyone else there had a crying baby, a story, and more to share. And someone, always someone, had a baby that was puking (which thankfully, Connor did not do - though Helen would eventually repay that in spades). For two hours weekly, I had found a place to relax.

On one visit, Susan told me that a group was forming, and asked for my email. I handed her my coworker's business card instead of mine because I was that amok. She was not so discombobulated. She reminded me my name wasn't Chip and made sure to get a reasonable email, rather than Chip's email. I actually did not think the group would survive. You see, I'm a firm believer that the course of all groups is to die. And I think that's OK. This group is geographically disjoint, making it even harder for it to survive. What I didn't know is that the support I needed those first few months would be needed later as well. These women have taught me today's piece of advice: when you're going through something new, drag someone with you.

I have asked these women all manner of questions - ranging from constipation to which boots to buy (all of them!). I have argued with these women. I have sat back and learned from these women. I have seen myself go through trauma and come out whole. I have tried to give back, too.

And so it is that I find myself preparing for dinner tonight, with a solid group of women who make time for dinner, playdates, and emails on a regular basis. We chat about our spouses, our lives, our babysitters, and our kids. We go camping and to the beach with one family in the group, are preparing ski trips with others in the group, and take time for theatre with still others. On Fridays in the summer, we like to hang with this family. Sometimes, we even score a playdate at this fun pool and eat cupcakes! I have no doubt that relationships with change over time, but I've definitely learned one thing from my Milk Mom Tribe. When you go through something new - drag someone with you!

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty