Strange Connections: Reactions to Saturday Night Widows

I'm somewhat interested in how personal connections are made. Ed and I often remark to each other that these days, it's hard to make new friends. It's not like back in college when there were loads of displaced people all sharing an experience and possibly housing and meals as well!

When Connor was born, I met several women at the Breastfeeding Center of Greater Washington. A stranger connection I cannot imagine. Because of this strange connection, I think our group tends to have more random oddities than other groups. The political views are more diverse than many of my friend circles, and though we've certainly developed other ties (by necessity - you can't nurse a child forever - or at least none of us chose to!), there's still lots of learning about others that happens. Fundamentally, though, we tend to approach things in very different ways, which has its ups and downs.

I was curious to read Saturday Night Widows when it came up in the online book club I'm part of (From Left to Write), partly because these women all come together under fairly odd circumstances - they're all relatively young widows! And just like my mom friends, they are quite a diverse group, and this can cause some misunderstanding and awkwardness at times, but it can also prove to be great fun.

A few years ago, I joined DCMetroMoms - a now defunct blog written by many area writers. It eventually evolved into TheDCMoms. Slowly, I'm getting to know more of the writers, and every one of them is so generous in spirit. We gathered a few nights ago to celebrate the life of Susan Neibur, and I was once again in awe of many of these women, and so grateful to get to be part of the group. (They are almost all rock star, big-time bloggers. The last time we had a big party, I introduced myself saying I didn't know why they let me hang out with them, but I was happy they did.) And just like my mom's group, blogging seems an odd tie. And yet, in this case, tt works well!

I have no idea what chapters lie ahead for me, but if I can continue to be able to find a group of people to share it with, I'll consider myself lucky. And in case anyone is in the area - I'm always looking for a bridge group! I have visions of playing cards many weekends with that eventual group. If you have kids that we can throw in the basement with mine, even better!

Elaine

This post was inspired by Saturday Night Widows by Becky Aikman. After being kicked out of her widow support group for being too young, Becky creates her own support group with an unusual twist. Join From Left to Write on February 14 as we discuss Saturday Night Widows. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

NaBloPoMo Advice Column - Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You

Six years ago, I was a mess. I had a tiny baby and a pediatrician who thought I should be rearing Goliath. I had neither enough milk nor sleep - though I did manage to come down with what I am sure was the worst bout of mastitis in the history of mastitis. I was desperate for adult conversation. I loved that baby more than I could have ever predicted, but that baby was also kicking my a**. I do not actually look back super fondly on this time. Instead, I have blocked out a lot of it. I had to really refocus myself when Helen came along.

Out of loneliness with a little hope mixed in, I attended meetings at the Breastfeeding Center of Greater Washington. Yes, to my non-mom friends, such a place exists. And for that hour, and sometimes the hour that followed as we had lunch at Grace's, I felt a little respite. Everyone else there had a crying baby, a story, and more to share. And someone, always someone, had a baby that was puking (which thankfully, Connor did not do - though Helen would eventually repay that in spades). For two hours weekly, I had found a place to relax.

On one visit, Susan told me that a group was forming, and asked for my email. I handed her my coworker's business card instead of mine because I was that amok. She was not so discombobulated. She reminded me my name wasn't Chip and made sure to get a reasonable email, rather than Chip's email. I actually did not think the group would survive. You see, I'm a firm believer that the course of all groups is to die. And I think that's OK. This group is geographically disjoint, making it even harder for it to survive. What I didn't know is that the support I needed those first few months would be needed later as well. These women have taught me today's piece of advice: when you're going through something new, drag someone with you.

I have asked these women all manner of questions - ranging from constipation to which boots to buy (all of them!). I have argued with these women. I have sat back and learned from these women. I have seen myself go through trauma and come out whole. I have tried to give back, too.

And so it is that I find myself preparing for dinner tonight, with a solid group of women who make time for dinner, playdates, and emails on a regular basis. We chat about our spouses, our lives, our babysitters, and our kids. We go camping and to the beach with one family in the group, are preparing ski trips with others in the group, and take time for theatre with still others. On Fridays in the summer, we like to hang with this family. Sometimes, we even score a playdate at this fun pool and eat cupcakes! I have no doubt that relationships with change over time, but I've definitely learned one thing from my Milk Mom Tribe. When you go through something new - drag someone with you!

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty

Let's Play

Connor and David are the "book ends" for the birthdays in my mom's group. And I'm so glad, because if the group were any younger, Connor wouldn't be included - and if the group were older, David wouldn't be included, and that would be just sad, because watching these two kids play together is really fun.

On his first visit to our new house a couple of weeks ago, Connor and David acted like they'd played together a million times (which sadly, is not the case). Probably the most interesting thing for me to watch was how the boys went into the greenhouse and decided to fly it. They both found window cranks and set out on their trip to Africa or Alaska - depending on who you asked. I often think of Connor as a problem solver, but he's got nothing on David. Faced with Connor pulling rank and choosing the easy to get to hand crank, David simply climbed onto a couple of shelves to reach the other window crank. Dude was not at all phased, and in the process, Helen learned where she could crank the window if Connor was hogging the other one.

David also introduced Connor to some race car concepts and fire fighters, which have made several repeat appearances since their visit. I think we're all looking forward to the next visit!

Elaine