Thursday, October 25, 2007

I Forgot

During the last few months of my pregnancy, Ed and I often commented that if someone offered to allow us to fast forward through the next six months of our lives, we would both take that deal in a minute. I think we were both caught remembering all the crap that goes with a newborn, and forgot how incredibly cool it is as well. We knew the second time around would be better if only because we now know that in a couple of years, you get something as amazing as Connor - and that makes the early stuff totally worth it.

I remember the sleepless nights.
I remember feeling like a couldn't put a complete sentence together.
I remember looking at the clock at the end of the day and being crushed if Ed came home even a few minutes late because I was exhausted, and overwhelmed, and wasn't sure how much longer I could be alone with a baby.
I remember not being able to take a shower because Connor would cry.
I remember the house being a total disaster and being so grateful when my parents bailed Ed and I out on more than one occasion.
I remember wondering if Ed and I would ever get our groove back.
I remember questioning whether having a baby was a good idea.
I remember my home being taken over by primary colors and plastic.
I remember the crying in the car and my dad and I checking to see if there was a piece of glass stabbing Connor in the back because that's certainly what his cries in the carseat sounded like.
I remember the sage advice of my mother who had watched me spend too much time worrying about Connor. "Just call the pediatrician. That's what they're there for."
I remember eating oatmeal every day for over a year while I nursed Connor because it's supposed to be good for milk-making.
Heck, I remember the hemorrhoids.

But now that I have Helen, I realize I forgot a few things.
I forgot how amazing it is when a 6 pound person looks up at you with wide open eyes.
I forgot how sweet it is when a tiny hand grips your finger and acts as if they're never letting go.
I forgot the little squeaks that escape a newborn's lips.
I forgot the feeling of a little heart beating next to mine.
I forgot all the hours spent wondering what would come of this little person that just entered the world.
I forgot how sweet it is to look over and see a baby asleep a few inches away.
I forgot how precious those early smiles are - even if they're not true signs of happiness.
I forgot about the strong Moro reflexes that come with a baby. The baby will be lying there totally serene, and then all of a sudden all of their limbs shoot out of their body in total surprise - and they look up at you with an expression that says "who the heck just stuck my legs and arms out like that".
I forgot how sweet it is to come home and see your baby sleeping on top of your husband's chest as he catches a snooze.
I'm going to try and remember these things this time around.


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