Thursday, December 1, 2016

Dear Aunt Connie,

Today, I received your email,  titled "Queen Bee". It alleged that Michelle Obama had an outrageous staff compared to every other first lady (every other first lady cited had 'one' paid staff member, HRC had 7, and Michelle had 22). A thinking person would see on face it couldn't be true - and would fact check it before sending it on. Typing "snopes" "first lady staff" into google would be enough to see that Michelle's staff was about the size of Laura Bush's staff, and neither of these were really out of line with other first ladies. The email pointed out the total cost of vacations the Obamas have taken, which was just another lie.

But you didn't bother fact checking. You just forwarded your hateful email to me and who knows who else - and as I occasionally do, I responded. 

I responded in a nasty way, hoping to dissuade your from sending this crap along. I've tried debating you with facts - you ignore them. I've tried ignoring you - you persist. So this time, I tried to cut to  the chase and hope that you would have enough self respect to apologize for your hateful email. "Still forwarding errant emails because you don't have the time or know-how to check facts. Sad. But of course, this is all a pittance compared to the extra costs Trump has already incurred by his decision to live in NYC, DC, and Mar-a-lago. I'm sure I'll be getting the email about your outrage over that, right? 

Haha - what a joke."
My response was borne out of the fact that I am super NOT into looking the other way when racist things land on my desk, especially these days. And calling Michelle Obama the "queen bee" and implying that she asks for more than anyone else and calling staff members "servants of Miss Michelle" in the email cross a line that I'm not interested in staying silent against.
Your response:
"Elaine, I just don't take politics as seriously as you seem to.  I just sent this to see your reaction."
For real. First you send a racist lie to me, then you say you did it just to goad me. You closed with a little shaming reminding me that I come from a long line of Republicans and you just can't believe me and another family member aren't also republicans.

Well, Connie, if this is how you have fun - let me be crystal clear - I do, indeed, take politics seriously. It's not a joke to me that 22 million people may be uninsured soon because of the President-Elect that you voted for. It's not a joke to me that you drop by my and other family member's facebook pages to drop your nasty lies and then refuse to back it up with any facts - saying, at best - that you saw it on TV. It's not a joke to me we have a President Elect who bragged about sexually assaulting women. It's also not a joke to me that I have spent my entire career fighting for better income support policies - some of which you have benefited from - only to be belittled by you on a regular basis. And since you asked, I'm happy to answer - No, my job does not depend on who's in office.

I don't know what motivates you to be nasty to me. But I do wish you'd either have an intellectual conversation or stay in your echo chamber if you don't care to incorporate facts into your opinions. Being family no longer protects you when you make racist comments.

Elaine

Monday, November 28, 2016

My tiny pies

I made possibly the two best apple pies of my life last week. One, I gifted to Helen's class. One stayed at home for my own Thanksgiving meal. Both were consumed in short order. When I take a home baked good up to school I always hear a variation on the same message I heard at Helen's class.


  • "You mean, you baked that - in your OWN OVEN - at home!" and 
  • "Can you give my grandma the recipe? She knows how to bake, too."


Earlier in the year I had gifted the class red velvet whoopie pies, which I baked as I was preparing to run Marine Corps Marathon. They were delicious. The filling involved removing seeds from a vanilla bean, which I happened to have at home. I wasn't sure I could top them - but the pie was a good encore.

I am super sad that I didn't take a photo of the whoopie pies with filling, because they were gorgeous. But now they're gone.


I had a bit of apple pie filling left, so first Helen and a couple of friends made a few pop tarts. Then I decided to see if a cupcake pan could be used to bake pies. This was mostly ill-advised, though still a decent project.

Naturally, even after heating them up a bit, it was hard to extract them from the pan. I'm not sure if there's a tool angled correctly to help me, but mine didn't do the trick. They were mostly OK, but still a bit messy. They tasted delicious.

Four looked pretty good coming out; two were kind of a disaster.

Helen and I took the little pies to our neighbor and I said "I know we're all still hurting" and, because my neighbor is pretty old, she told me "I'm still crying daily". Which I get. I'm past that phase, but that's because I've reached the "I am not leaving so hate me all you want, you are GOING to give women equal rights some day" phase of this mess. She's retired. We all know this might have been her last chance to see a woman in the oval office.

My neighbor later emailed and told me she couldn't believe something could be so delicious. I've decided that I'm going to keep dropping baked goods off at neighbors. I think we still need some signs that we're going to be OK.

Elaine



Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Easy Cookie Baking - Krusteaz Mixes

I am a from-scratch baker, through and through. My only regular exception is brownies, because I'm somewhat convinced that box brownies are better than homemade brownies.

However, I like the idea of Helen and Connor making cookies without me - and they're not going to be able to execute my regular chocolate chip cookie recipe. The stove top element makes it just a wee bit too dangerous and difficult.

Enter - boxed cookie mix. In the past week, we've tested Krusteaz Triple Chocolate Chunk Cookie and Snickerdoodle Cookie. Since the whole point of this exercise it to make something tasty, yet simple enough for my kids to pull off, we went one step further than we needed - and made pan cookies. I think my kids could plop even scoops of dough onto a cookie sheet, but it's easier to drop all the dough into one pan and spread it out.

The only thing you need to do in preparation for these cookies is to leave a stick of butter on the counter.

1. Gather ingredients - box mix, 1 egg, 1 stick of butter.


2. Mix them all together. (Helen can now run the stand up mixer on her own.)

3. Spread the dough in the pan and with the Snickerdoodles, spread the cinnamon and sugar packet on top.


4. Bake for about 20 minutes.

5. Let daughter take funny picture before diving in.


These cookies received solid accolades from both of my kids - and I've been sneaking several myself.

After making the batch of chocolate chunk cookies, I put together a small plate of them for my neighbor, which Helen delivered along with some errantly delivered mail. She and I had shared tears over the election a few days before this and I figured she could use a little pick-me-up.

Elaine

Disclaimer: I received several boxes of cookie mix to test. All opinions are my own. I'm looking forward to the kids grabbing the rest and making them up! However, do not think I have abandoned my typical bake-from-scratch ways. I made the two most delicious pies of my life a few days ago, which I'll be bragging about in this space soon.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

A little history

My mother's mother spent her life raising a house full of children - which could not have been a small task. She was industrious in ways that I could probably not even imagine today, because I don't have to. Her children showed up for mass on-time, clean, and based on some of the stories I have heard - must have been a source of pride for both her and my grandpa. She taught her children to do the right thing, which included my mother making what I still consider to be extraordinary sacrifices when another family in their community faced terrible circumstances. At the same time my grandmother was teaching her children right from wrong, she encouraged her daughters to learn to drive, giving them independence she didn't have. I never met her, but picture her to be a very strong woman. Part of her life, women were not allowed to vote. She probably never dreamed of a woman becoming President.



My mother spent part of her life raising a (smaller) house full of children and did fulfill her mother's wish that she learn to drive. My mother had help from my dad raising her children - help that I don't imagine my grandmother received (though I'm sure my grandfather did some of the child-rearing). My mother's children (my sister and I) also showed up for mass on-time, clean, and I think made her and my father proud. She also taught us to do the right thing, and though we struggle, we do know what the right thing is in most situations. She is also a very industrious woman and her skills include making dresses that were not only extremely memorable and special to me, they have been extremely special to Helen. At the same time my mother was teaching my sister and me right from wrong, she had a job outside the home (part-time, part-year, typically). This job gave her access to income and spending choices that she might not have felt she would have absent that job. At that job, she ultimately made an awful lot of (mostly) male bosses look good. It could be tremendously stressful and she somehow managed to balance work and family in extraordinary ways. She is a very strong woman. As I watched how hard she worked, something deep inside me told me that I was never going to do her job, I was going to do something more independent. She has been able to vote her entire lifetime - but there have been no women in the House and Senate for a good number of those years she could vote. It breaks my heart that she may never see a woman become President.



I spend a significant part of my life raising a (same size as my mother) house full of children. I have access to a tremendous amount of assistance including my parents who have been on-call to help in childcare emergencies or wants for my children's entire life. I have had live-out nannies, live-in au pairs, a team of babysitters, and friends who provide me great assistance. I have assistance cleaning my house. Ed bears a ton of childcare and household responsibilities and I'm certain has cooked more meals than my father and grandfather combined - despite the fact that he's been on this earth many fewer days than my grandfather was and my father has been. My children are (mostly) clean, compassionate people who bring me great joy and pride. I, too, try and teach them right and wrong. I have worked every schedule imaginable to accommodate my changing desires and family, but throughout all that time - I have spent most of  my career directing my own work. I have opportunities available to me that were not available to previous generations of women. I make enough money that I could reasonably expect to be able to support myself and my children. I was represented in the Senate by Nancy (Landon) Kassebaum (Baker) from the time I was five until I turned 24. I remember being told that girls can be anything they choose and I also remember the crushing realization that sometimes making certain career choices would be met with great resistance. I hear America loudly when it rejects women in power - despite many examples of some women being very powerful. If nothing else, this campaign has provoked many conversations with friends who have amazing careers about the various forms of sexism that still permeate our days. I am also a strong and industrious woman, though it shows in different ways than it did for my mother or grandmother. I am not certain I will ever see a woman President.



Helen is too young to have raised children though she has told me she will have two of them. She attends school in one of the highest ranked districts in the country and is growing up in a world where we understand girls and boys are often treated differently by virtue of their gender. We (meaning adults) talk about it, a lot. We also understand (largely) that this is not a good thing and that women should have the opportunity to succeed and not face systemic bias. Even at her young age, she understands that women have not had their due. She sees it when we read books about famous scientists - and she has a hard time finding the women. She sees it when people use "he" as a gender-neutral pronoun, and by sheer force of will, she has actually gotten Ed to stop reverting to "he" all the time. Pokemon can be girls, too. She is looking around and starting to evaluate how fair the world really is - and she discusses the things she sees with me often. I try and assure her the world is changing - and sometimes even explain to her how we got to where we are. There is not doubt we have made progress. She is a leader, a protester, a teacher, and a very opinionated person. She also brings tremendous caring and thoughtfulness where she goes along with a gift for synthesizing information. Hers is a voice that should be included. She is industrious, often solving her own problems. She is my heart and my soul. And I think she deserves to see a woman become President and watch remaining barriers fall.



Because at some point, we're going to have to either stop telling girls they can be anything they want, or come clean and let them know there are some jobs that are never going to be open to them.



Elaine



(And while I thought I *might* have passed the bursting into tears phase of this grief, I discovered yesterday when I was out walking that I'm not quite there. A passerby saw my "I'm with her" button, we started talking, and then we shared a few tears.)

Saturday, November 12, 2016

The speech

Yesterday, I sat with Connor and Helen and watched Hillary's concession speech. I'd seen it live, but wanted them to be able to watch it. Mostly, I wanted Helen to see how strong Hillary is. She does not quit. And although I sensed Helen would love the ending of the speech, I didn't quite grasp how much.




For those who haven't seen it, the speech ends with this:




"And to all the little girls who are watching this, never doubt that you are valuable, and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and achieve your own dreams."


It was at this moment that Helen looked Connor straight in the eye, told him Hillary was talking to her, pumped her fist into the air and agreed vehemently with Hillary. She looked so strong. She looked so happy.


It was just what the doctor ordered. I wish I could've recorded it.


Although I didn't show them Tim Kaine's speech (I wanted the full impact of the moment to belong to Hillary), I appreciated his remarks greatly. Most meaningful to me was his opening:


"I'm proud of Hillary Clinton because she has been and is a great history maker in everything she has done - as a civil rights lawyer, and First Lady of Arkansas, and First Lady of this country, and senator, and Secretary of State. She has made history. In a nation that is good at so many things but that has made it uniquely difficult for a woman to be elected to federal office.


She became the first major party nominee as a woman to be president and last night won the popular vote of Americans. that is an amazing accomplishment. It is an amazing accomplishment."


I'm still not past the "bursting into tears" phase of this grief. In time.

Friday, November 11, 2016

What moms do

I have reminded myself at least a hundred times in the last 24 hours that moms have one common trait - and that is: we get back up.






Lots of things knock us down - unkind words to our children, school systems that don't understand our children, hearing our children cry, and hearing our children explain in perfectly reasonable ways why something was unfair to them. We fall down, we get up. Rinse. Repeat. We get up because a little girl is looking up at us wondering what the hell happens when we fall.






The election results on Tuesday were a blow like no other. Straight to the gut. And what's worse? I basically brought my daughter into the fight to feel the pain, too.




I was so sure that we were going to be on the winning side, that I shared my excitement with Helen. I took her canvassing, I talked up Hillary, I tried to convey the importance of the situation. But what I didn't tell her, because she's 9 and surely deserves a few more years of believing in fairness and open societies, is that sometimes  - maybe even often, when you put your heart on the line, someone or some powerful force squashes it.




My unwillingness to remember, maybe my wanting to ignore the fact that we live in a society of incrementalism, meant that Helen shared my expectation and her heart was crushed alongside my own.




Of course Hillary wasn't going to win. Getting her nominated was the best we were ever going to be able to do - and that was a huge leap forward.




Geraldine Ferraro made it on the ticket as the VP nominee in 1984 (I remember this, but in no way was I able to grasp the importance); 32 years later Hillary made it on the ticket as the Presidential nominee. Dear Lord, please don't make me wait 32 more years to actually get a woman elected to VP or President - because that's too long for Helen. She'll pretty much be my current age then, and I assure you she will have felt sexism in a hundred ways by then, she will have made career choices based largely on her gender, and she will have set dreams aside.




We are crushing yet another generation of girls. And that is too high a price to pay to keep the myth of men being better than women alive.




Soon, I will get back up. I will find a winnable fight and do the work to win it. Because that's what moms do. Every day.




Elaine

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Election 2016

This was it. It was the year we were going to finally prove that women could be anything they wanted to be.



To say I was "all in" for Hillary would be an understatement. I felt so much hope and confidence - and as the polls started shifting even further towards her favor in the weeks before the election - and there was talk of her trying to run up the score - I was almost gleeful.



It was real. It was going to happen.



I was finally going to exorcise those demons that have haunted me repeatedly - with the earliest one coming in 7th grade as he assured his friend he wouldn't be last chair in band because there was a girl playing trumpet now.



And then Comey made his ridiculous announcement that more emails had been found that might be related to a case the FBI had already cleared Hillary of criminally. To think these emails would contain something would take a lot of imagination, but people wanted a reason to hate her - and they hopped on board. Not surprisingly, there wasn't anything new in these emails. But the polls were dipping and what looked like a possible democratic senate had turned back to a republican senate. Was it the straw that did her in? Probably not. But it didn't help.



I wore a Hillary t-shirt and button pretty much everywhere I went (excluding a wedding) for the days leading up to Tuesday. I smiled often. I was in love with life.



My internet went down on Monday so when Helen went to play practice that afternoon, I went to the Starbucks and started dialing voters in North Carolina from there.



I took my kids canvassing on the 9th assuring them that Hillary's ground game was the best in the business and we were going to be part of tipping the vote in her favor.



I came home and made calls to Nevada.



We were doing this.



We were going to be winners.



Finally.



Only that's not what happened. And someday, I'll write something more thoughtful, but today is a day of such deep sadness, I sometimes feel like I can't quite catch my breath. I've cried. I've puked. I've talked to friends and family.



I've held Helen as she cried. I have told here under no uncertain terms that we did support the right candidate. Our country would be better with Hillary at the helm. She did win the popular vote and she did win our state.



And even though my heart has broken into a million tiny pieces that may never come back together - I am so very proud of supporting Hillary from wire to wire.

This is me walking to school with the kids, purposefully taking the busy streets home on Friday.
This is me on Sunday, after running 8 miles with a white, male, moderate Republican who told me he was going Hillary. If he was going Hillary, along with other smart, white, male moderate Republicans I know - there could be no path to the Presidency for any other candidate.
This is the last sign we saw as we exited our "get out the vote" site.

This is us, trying to find every last Hillary voter in Arlington-  a county that split 75-25 for Hillary.

And this is us, full of optimism that we could share in the joy of victory.
I have no appropriate words. I can tell you, the glass ceiling is alive and well, and it sucks.

Elaine

Halloween 2016

I totally failed at Halloween this year, being that the one requirement is to get a photo of both kids together. But alas, they went their own directions, I was recovering from running a marathon, and I was too busy congratulating myself on getting Connor to and from piano at an abnormal time to figure out the camera thing.

Connor made plans to go trick-or-treating with a buddy of his. He wasn't certain about his costume, until he attended Boy Scouts where they hosted a zombies versus scouts event. He won third place for his zombie costume, which made him decide it was a quality costume. I was excited about this costume because the base of it was one of Ed's many pairs of lawn mowing pants. What are these? Jeans with big holes in the them. How many pairs does one need? Many, according to Ed's closet. Connor ended up wearing the costume three times - to the scout party, a music department party, and then to school and for trick-or-treating on Halloween.


Helen decided before our trip to Florida a few weeks ago that she was going to be Hermione. Her grandma Lynn gifted her a cloak like the one Hermione would have worn (were she an actual person, and not a book character). We added a white shirt of Connor's and a tie of appropriate coloring along with a magic wand. And...viola - we had Hermione!



The candy haul was embarrassingly large - and possibly the worst part about it is that since I was still recovering from running, it didn't even look that attractive to me!

Elaine

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Assateague - Family Favorite National Park

Almost annually, we head to the beach for a week, long-weekend, or even just a couple of days. This year, we were headed to Assateague National Park (which sits next to Chincoteague) for Labor Day weekend. But alas, Mother Nature had other plans. A hurricane was coming and though I was surprisingly calm about this, Ed seemed a wee bit stressed about the idea of 6 foot storm surges sweeping our car into the ocean. He had a point, of course. (Prior to him pointing this out, I was just in denial saying ridiculous things like "what's the worst that could happen? We end up in a nice condo with friends for the weekend rather than at the beach - that doesn't sound so bad." Floating cars though - that sounded bad.)

The rental company we used was exceedingly generous and allowed us to rebook for another weekend. So a couple of weekends ago, we hit the beach!

I am always reminded when I head to Assateague and any of the other wonderful National Parks that we are exceedingly lucky in the US to have these preserved spaces.The primary reason we love Assateague is that it never gets that crowded (limited parking) and there are no vendors hawking crappy food and cheap trinkets at the beach - unlike pretty much every other beach near us. Folks from Cotopaxi pointed out that this is the 100 year anniversary of the National Parks, so I'm super happy we didn't end up bailing on the trip entirely. That would have just felt wrong.

The first day we were in Chincoteague, we pretty much just zonked out in our condo. We arrived pretty late and were ready for rest. We were at a waterfront location this time, so had a great view. Day 2 sent me to get a massage - spending most of the morning in pain - and then we hit a "wine festival" which did have wine and a moonbounce, but wasn't your typical festival. (Ed won a trucker hat which he gifted to me.) We also tried our hand at crabbing but we were not super successful in this venture.








That night, we slurped oysters (everyone except Helen) and Ed and I continued to be amazed that we have a child who gags at the thought of eating a veggie hotdog, but willingly eats raw oysters. It makes no sense.


Connor got our friend to engage in a battle of Risk. I sewed while the three men played. Connor, naturally, was the winner.




On Sunday, we took advantage of a couple of programs at the Nature Center near the beach. I have to give a thumbs up to the NPS ranger. We were the only visitors to take the tour, and despite the pretty strong winds, he showed the kids around the boardwalk without skimping a bit on either tour time or enthusiasm. Helen, especially, was into this.


Finally, we made it to the beach. If there is a place both children are happier, I don't know where it is.









There are National Parks all over the US. Cotopzxi rounded up a list of some great ones in the graphics they shared below. Soon, I think I'll petition for a trip up to the Grand Canyon. I remember being there as a kid. And even though I was obnoxious about the smell and a wee bit disappointed at the geyser, I'm older now and can appreciate it was a great trip. Maybe my kids will be a better traveler than I was.



Note: While learning about Cotopaxi, I learned they sponsored adventure races across the country. And yes, they are coming to DC. Assuming it doesn't conflict with Marine Corps Marathon training, I'm going to see if I can round up a crew for the 24 hour adventure race. Friends, be warned.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Helen cooks! Fall Flavors - Krusteaz Yumminess!

Finally, it is fall. I can tell it's fall because I have worn pants for three consecutive days and I haven't had to turn the upstairs AC on in order for the kids to be able to sleep. That's good news, in my book. Fall is not only great for running (assuming my back pain leaves!), it's great for eating things that are pumkin-y and cranberry-ish and warm - all of which, I love.

Helen came home from school, inspired to make a mess bake. Now that she is 9, and looking for a little independence, the kitchen seems to be a go-to spot. I was hoping to capture her making pancakes with Ed one morning, but I got home from running too late. But alas, I did watch her make cranberry-orange bread. It was tasty!


She started with a box of Krusteaz muffin mix, that I had left on the counter. I convinced her that making bread was even easier than muffins, because she wouldn't need to spill mix all over fitting it into muffin wrappers take so much time with individual wrappers.

She read the directions on the box, and set to it. She replaced the water that was called for in the recipe with milk, something I always do.


Note - during this exercise, I learned that Helen is freakishly good at doubling and halving recipes when I would ask her things like "what if we only wanted to make half" or "what if we wanted twice as much". Not bad for the start of third grade from a girl who claims to not like math.



I also noticed, that now that Helen is 9, if I tell her "please don't make a mess" before she starts her kitchen exploits, she's pretty good at not making a mix. (Pro-tip - I have this large bowl with a spout from Tupperware. It's easy to pour from, reducing the mess of transferring the batter to a pan.)



She folded in the cranberries and while doing so said "maybe we could put these in a drink sometime". I like how that girl thinks.


The only part of the baking I did was transferring the bread into the oven and onto the cooling rack. It turned out great. Toasted with butter, it made for an excellent morning meal for me.

Next up? I'll capture the pancake making.

Elaine

Disclaimer: I received these mixes from Krusteaz to test. Our experience was good - and we'll use them again. Krusteaz makes several different mixes - I'm planning on trying the cinnamon-swirl mix, next!