NaBloPoMo Advice Column: Day 8 - Don't Let Anyone Sell Your Short, or My Brush With Sexism in 7th Grade Band

I'm writing 30 thoughts in 30 days for NaBloPoMo. In no particular order, I'm giving you my worldview. I draw the topics from things that come up the day I post, or the day or two before I post.

Helen embodies self confidence. She wears it on every inch of her body - choosing bold colors and patterns in favor of pastels or matching outfits. The moment she feels aggrieved, she will let anyone within earshot hear. And she rarely gives up. If someone pushes her on the playground, everyone will know - and this has been true for a long time. If someone even thinks about taking something she's playing with, she'll let them know it's hers. She operates on the assumption that she belongs exactly where she is. She does not back down.

Each week, Helen's teacher sends a note about the class happenings. She has never mentioned a child by name in these notes, but today, the parents in the class received this. ..."Helen has also blessed us with the word for word retelling of Sleeping Beauty everyday, which everyone has enjoyed."... I have no doubt that Helen demands the attention of everyone in the room when she decides to do her daily performance.

I wonder, was I like this when I was little?

In 4th grade, I decided to play the trumpet. I'd been playing the piano for a couple of years and thought I understood how instruments work - one button, one note. With its 88 keys, the piano seemed pretty complex to me. The trumpet? It has three buttons. Three notes, right? Wrong. Also, my sister played the flute and I wanted to be different.

And so it was that my weekly lessons with a trumpet player in the basement of the music store started. I became quite good.

In 7th grade, I moved to middle school, and the band grew exponentially. On my first day in class, one of the boys in the trumpet section said to his friend "hey Roger - at least you won't be last chair this year - there's a girl playing trumpet". At first, I was mortified. I almost cried. This guy didn't even know me and he thought I was awful at my instrument - last chair awful. I can't remember if I told my parents about this embarrassment, but I do remember I practiced for the upcoming playing test - a lot. When it came time for the playing test, I blew those boys out of the water. I sat in first chair for all but two weeks of my two years of junior high. At first, I was challenged a lot. I never lost - though I do remember each one being stressful. Eventually, those boys gave up. Bu in 8th grade, I made a mistake in the playing test and was second chair for two weeks, at which time I challenged for my beloved 1st chair seat and got it back. Roger? He was a rock at last chair for most of our time in middle school. I desperately wished his a**hat friend would've been last chair. I still hate what that guy assumed.

Helen - this happens all.the.time. I wish it didn't. I hang in really enlightened circles. I have had incredible career mentors both male and female, and still - when I'm outside my circle I will have people assume I am less qualified. The most annoying is when the tall guy looks down on me and snarls his point. Sometimes, it's exhausting standing your ground.

But you know what? I don't want to let anyone sell me short.

Elaine

Building a worldview:
Day 1: Surround Yourself With Brilliant People (though my friend Susan makes a good point that clever is pretty good, too).
Day 2: Whatever, it works.
Day 3: Surround Yourself With Beauty
Day 4: When You Go Through Something New - Drag Someone With You
Day 5: No sweatpants.
Day 6: Embrace the Crazy
Day 7: Listen to Your Friends or Fight Old Fogey-dom. Get out there. Keep experiencing fun, new things.