When Art and Children Cross

A little over five years ago, I sold a lot of pots at the annual student sale of the pottery studio I belonged to. I never imagined that I wouldn't have refilled my shelves many times over by now.

But I haven't.

Since Connor's birth, I believe I have completed one piece - a tiny vase that is absolutely perfect for holding a single bud. I made it when I last attempted to get back in the studio, and I thought about how useful this piece would be. I imagined it would be a series of similar vases, that I would ultimately use as a jumping point into a study of cylinders.

The barrier to me getting back into the studio is purely self imposed. Ed has many times agreed that he'd be happy for me to be back in the studio one evening each week, and he can more than handle our night time routine. He does it often, in fact. In the past week, he put the kids to bed on Friday night when I went out with my mom friends. Then on Monday, he put the kids to bed while I attended a class meeting for Connor's class. On Tuesday, he bathed and put them to bed as I attended a board meeting at Connor and Helen's school, and this week is not unusual. If Connor asks why I go to meetings while Ed stays home, Ed says it's because I'm a better citizen than he is. That's kind of him. But the end result is that when I'm not attending some event, I need the time at home to catch up on work missed during the day, or conversations missed with Ed the previous evenings, or hanging out with my kids which I realize may not last forever.

In the novel "The Swan Thieves", by Elizabeth Kostova, the ex-wife of the novel's protagonist has a career in front of her as a painter, but then life - and two children - happen, and she ends up with no studio space of her own, and ultimately watches her husband fall victim to mental illness while she is unable to move her own career forward.

Oh, if only I had such a good excuse. But really, I'm glad I don't.

Someday, someday, someday, I will make it into the studio to construct the perfect tea set for Helen. Until then, I'll keep my little bud vase on the window sill where it's regularly filled with flowers Connor or Helen have brought me and look at it knowing I'm quite possibly the luckiest mom around.

I wouldn't trade my children and the commitments they bring with them for anything, but I also wouldn't mind if I had just a tad more free time.

Elaine

This post was inspired by The Swan Thieves, by Elizabeth Kostova. I received a free copy of it as a member of the "From Left to Write" Book Club. I haven't made it all the way to the end yet, but unlike most novels I read, I'm forcing myself not to flip to the end because I'm enjoying figuring out the story as it unfolds. This book is worth the time, and not just because I've been reading it while walking briskly on the treadmill - a task made infinitely more fun by the book's presence.