The questions

I wish I was organized enough to carry a pad of paper with me wherever I went, because if I was, I would have about three million questions to list here that I have been asked in the last few days. Among them?

Connor: "If my head were cut off, do you think it would sink or float?"
Me: "That's a good question. I think Daddy will have a better guess."
Helen: "It will sink."
Connor: "No, I think it would float."

Connor: "How do babies get in your tummy."
Me: "They start out very small - just like all of the seeds we plant in the garden."
Helen: "There is a baby named Helen in my tummy. She is going to be born tonight at 5:30 o'clock."

Helen: "Why do you ask why so much?"
Me: "Oh, I guess I'm just curious. You?"
Helen: "I don't ask why too much."
Me: "I guess this is one of those things we'll have to agree to disagree on."

And then, of course, there would be the constant chorus from Connor of "How do you know?".

Elaine

PS: The number of lizards found in my backyard now numbers two. Ed and I moved the sandbox on Sunday and a critter - originally identified as a tiny snake by Ed - skittered away. It was in that skittering that we realized it was a lizard, which is a lot less gross than a snake, in my book.

DCMM: Rules of the Road

I commuted by bike from Arlington to DC almost daily for work through my 8th month of pregnancy with my older son. And I only stopped biking then because it was mid-July and the temps were busting 100, requiring me to stop and drink what felt like gallons of water and take breaks to the point that it no longer seemed an efficient way to travel. As a daily commuter, I learned the rules of the bike trail well--especially those in effect during rush hour, and even now, when I only recently began commuting via bike again (almost 5 years later!), I remember them. In case you're new to our extensive network of local trails, or wondering why some biker is cursing you with your stroller, I thought I'd fill you in.

Stay to the right, unless you are passing.

Signal that you are passing to whomever you are passing (and I assure you, adding 25 pounds of pregnant belly weight can make for a very fast downhill ride, as your husband trails you wondering why the heck you are all of a sudden a much faster morning rider than he is).

If you are being passed, a courtesy wave to the person trying to pass is a nice gesture of recognition, as is a further scootch to the right of the path.

Never, under any circumstances, be confused that your ride/walk includes a leisurely chat with your riding/walking partner. You have exactly one goal - to get to work in one piece. And if that's not your goal, know that it is the goal of others.

A recent trip to Key West reminded me that old habits die hard. My husband and I opted to leave the car seats at home, and instead rent bikes with child seats as our primary means of transportation. Key West is perfect for this, because a nice, wide bike trail circles the island and the cars drive carefully, watching out for erratic tourists on bikes. The downside is (and we run into this whenever we bring our bikes to Chincoteague or any other tourist destination as well) is that the trail is loaded with tourists, rather than commuters. This means that people often ride in pairs, side-by-side. As my husband and I close in on an unsuspecting cyclist, needing to pass, we shout the customary DC bike signal "on your left", and usually get either no response, or the person already crossing the center line veers even further to the left trying to hear what we said. At best, it's annoying. At worst, it's dangerous.

As summer approaches, I can't help but be reminded that the occasional mom will take advantage of the mid-morning break from the heat and find herself pushing a jogging stroller on the bike trail, often with Ipod in ears. At some point, she might reach around the stroller to insert a dislodged paci or offer a sippy cup. And when she does, I'll have the same feeling as I do in Key West.

Move to the right. It works best for everyone. I'll be sure to extend my thanks, when I pass you.

When not running people off the road as she rushes into work on her bike, Elaine blogs about her two children at Connor and Helen Grow Up!

This is an original DCMetroMoms blog post.

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Posted by ElaineMM on April 14, 2010 at 05:00 AM in Elaine | Permalink

Biking in DC, Comments

Thrift Store Mama said...
Very funny post ! Although I'm not a frequent bike rider now, I used to be a weekend bike rider, and loved calling out "on your left !"
Reply April 14, 2010 at 05:34 AM The Lowe said...

Sad to say I hear 'on yer left' more than I say it.
(Great to see you posting here)

Reply April 14, 2010 at 05:54 AM Helen said...
Great post!

Reply April 14, 2010 at 06:05 AM Sue @ Laundry for Six said...
Great post - I am in awe of your biking skilz! My husband rides to work in the summer but it makes me nervous because I have two former co-workers who were nearly killed commuting on bikes. Both were riding in the street which is what he has to do too for part of the ride. Car commuters totally don't look out for bikes.

Your rules remind me of something I wish was also posted on Metro for the inevitable tourist vs. commuter conflicts... blocking the doors, standing on the left side of the escalator... I feel a post coming on.

Thank Goodness We Have that Extra Seat

It was just a normal day, driving around town. Me, Connor, Helen, and a monkey. For all concerned, the monkey was buckled in just in case a curious passer-by became startled and ran into us. Thankfully, that did not happen.



Elaine

First Carousel Ride of the Season

Spring arrived a few weeks ago here, and with that came the first trip down to the mall to hit the Air and Space Museum (because Connor and I cannot debate enough about which objects hanging from the ceiling are airplanes, and which are rockets). I forgot the stroller (error) and as it turned out, could've parked A LOT closer than I did (also an error), but I am a firm believer in taking the first legal spot available within a few blocks of the desired goal, lest I find myself in some sort of DC parking vortex and miss out on the event we wanted to attend.

Connor and Helen had a ball on the carousel. I decided that Helen couldn't quite manage on the carousel with only Connor as her guide, so I rode along as well (that would be the third error). Now I remember that I prefer to meet Ed at the carousel so he can ride the rather speedy carousel and I can avoid getting dizzy.

Sock Monkeys

My mom knit two giant sock monkeys for Connor and Helen. At first, I don't think they quite knew what to do with them. But lately, Connor insists that he cannot sleep without his sock monkey next to him and he regularly dances with it. For the record, they both have hats, but Helen decided they were hers a long time ago.

Thanks, Mom!

Better Late Than Never - I Hope - Team WhyMommy's Virtual Science Fair

I have a friend who always wishes he had a pocket physicist. You know, someone you could turn to when a bizarre question about the physical world comes up. But sadly, not a person in our peer group is a physicist.

But recently, I learned that there's a mom in town who is an ASTROPHYSICIST which is surely the title given to really badass physicists. And she's a blogger, and I will forever be jealous that she came up with the pseudonym of WhyMommy, because I wish I were clever enough to come up with any funny pen name, let alone the perfect one.

In any case, about a week ago I got the chance to be a regular contributor to DCMetroMoms. Although I have yet to post, it seems like a fun creative writing challenge. As part of that, I got an email from Stimey who told her story of a friend who has kicked cancer's ass once, and now has to kick it again. That friend, WhyMommy, is the aforementioned astrophysicist and in her honor, a virtual science fair was held.

I'm all about anyone on Earth kicking cancer's butt, but I fell flat on what my science project could be. But yesterday, the day I was supposed to write a post in honor of WhyMommy and science, my science project walked right into Connor's wheelbarrow. Or was mysteriously transported there by Connor or Helen.



As Ed was enjoying the Nats game with friends, Connor, Helen, and I were playing in the backyard. I was continuing my battle with English Ivy -- and might I just boast here that thanks to the bulldozer last year and lots and lots of ripping the crap out, I plan to declare victory sometime in the next six months. Helen was pushing her wheelbarrow around, and Connor was finding trash in the yard and carrying it in his wheelbarrow.

Apparently some item he picked up was home to the lizard featured above.

OK. Stop. Do the math. Three people are home. None of them are Ed. One of them has to deal with the lizard. I do not like surprises, and coupled with the wasps nest Connor and I discovered when he asked me to dislodge an old board from our now defunct pond, and the harmless but still annoying carpenter bees that were buzzing around, I decided I was in over my head.

I called my dad. Why did I choose him? Because he told me lots of stories about a woodpile behind his boyhood home, catching lizards, and watching their tails pop off. Clearly he is the closest think I know to a lizard expert.



I know this particular virtual science fair participant is thinking, holy crap! They're going to disect an animal.

But no, no, no, no, no. There will be no disections. I just needed advice on how to unload the critter without risking injury. I needed to confirm that lizards are not dangerous. I wanted to make sure that if I attempted to move it to a lizard-friendly habitat that I wouldn't get attacked in the process.

My dad's advice? Just dump the wheelbarrow out. It'll be happy to run right out of it.

Duh.

So here is our science fair entry.

Connor carted the lizard all over the backyard while Helen and I followed, and we talked about where it might like to live. In this sunny spot? Under the wooden boardwalk, in the garden? How about the pile of old wood? After finding a suitable spot (we chose beneath the wooden boardwalk), Connor dumped it out in it's new home.



Of course, by now Connor and Helen practically thought this lizard was a member of the family, so we skipped bath (in honor of science!) and Connor and Helen took turns holding the lizard, driving it around the yard in their battery-powered car, and finally bidding it good night.







And all the while I was thinking, "hey Susan/WhyMommy, I haven't bumped into you at the thrift store like my friend Ellen, but I still hope you kick this cancer's butt! And not just because I hope to send you some of those physics questions that I cannot answer."

Elaine

Karma

I believe in karma. Send positive energy out into the world and feel it returned. If negative energy comes your way, do everything you can to absorb it rather than choosing to radiate it outward. But sometimes, I now know, life doesn't work this smoothly. It becomes necessary to hogtie karma, kick it in the gut, and then stare it in the eye and remind it that you are owed and "no" is not an acceptable answer.

On Wednesday, when we left for Key West, Connor and Ed departed a couple of hours before Helen and I. These screw-ball flights were necessary because the price of the tickets was steep, and we wanted to use at least one frequent flier ticket to help offset costs. And our available frequent flier ticket was on US Air, which was substantially more expensive than whatever airline Ed and Connor took. Ed and I were clearly feeling lucky about our recent travel experiences with Helen and Connor that had gone quite well - so lucky, in fact, that we decided to take connecting flights, rather than flying direct to Fort Lauderdale or Miami and driving 4+ hours. Connor and Helen both like airplanes and airports a lot more than they like cars, and there are no direct flights into Key West. It seemed like the better option at the time.

When we arrived at Dulles - at the ridiculous hour of 5:00 AM - Connor and Ed trotted off to their plane, while Helen and I dawdled along, knowing we had lots of time. When Helen and I got to the final security checkpoint, there was a young man (mid-twenties?) asking everyone walking by (which is not a lot of people, given the time of day) if they were heading to Continental. He clearly was looking for an escort for his parents who did not speak English. No one seemed near, and the older couple was looking a little nervous, so I told the son that Helen and I would be happy to walk his parents directly to the gate and make sure the gate agent knew they would need assistance. He thanked me profusely, bid his parents farewell, and presumably told them to tail Helen and me.

Helen and I are not the fastest companions, but we are reliable - and at least Helen is quite cute. We managed to guide our companions to the correct gate with lots of smiles, pointing, and some bowing at the end. It was a LOOOONG walk, and of course, we had to backtrack to get to our gate. I was lugging a fair amount of luggage since I had decided not to check a bag--thrifty! On our walk back, several airport workers asked me if I forgot something since they'd already seen Helen and I and our entourage walk past them. "No, no I did not forget something. TSA needs to figure out what to do when people need an escort, instead of counting on people like me to escort non-English speaking passengers through this maze of an airport." At which point, they would uniformly look embarrassed because that man pointing to the train? He could've offered to help me out. And that woman who appeared to just be walking around making sure everything was OK? She could've asked if we needed help...when we actually needed help!

But, whatever, we made it. They made it. Good deed performed, a seemingly excellent way to start a vacation.

Fast forward to Sunday morning. I received a call from USAir telling me my flight had been delayed by 1.5 hours. Some quick math on my part proved that this would cause Helen and me to miss our connection. So I called USAir. And do you know what they offered me? They told me I could get out of Key West the following day at 4:40. Or, I could take my chances and get to Charlotte and hope that something was delayed there, and if not, they could get me out the following day.

In my most composed voice, I started in by saying "Sandy" (the person with whom I was speaking) "this is a USAir problem, and you are making it my problem, and that is not fair. Are you seriously suggesting that I should risk spending the night in an airport with my two year old daughter? You have got to be kidding me."

And this is when Ed announced to Connor and Helen that it was time to go get juice and have breakfast by the pool, because he has seen this conversation before, and it never goes well. Never.

Why yes, indeed, that is exactly what Sandy was suggesting. She would neither guarantee me a hotel room, or even reasonable transportation out Monday morning. She kept repeating that there was nothing available.

"Oh yes, Sandy, yes there is. You can solve this problem for me. Please help me. I cannot miss work tomorrow and I cannot spend an extra day in Key West with only one of my children while the other one flies home with his dad. Put me on another airline."

After being put on hold, Sandy told me that there appeared to be no other flights available, at which point, I decided to remind karma that I was owed, and the bill was due right now. The best thing Sandy could do was get me to Richmond. Unfortunately, I am not geographically inclined, so I had no idea how far that was from Arlington. I pulled out my laptop, and decided to see if I could get a car from Richmond to Arlington. But before I did that, I checked kayak one last time and lo and behold, USAir was selling flights later in the day, and Delta had a flight that was a bit more than half of what I paid for my current flight. I informed Sandy exactly what flights were acceptable, giving her many alternate itineraries. And voila, Helen and I were booked on a perfectly reasonable Delta itinerary.

To get from point A to point B was far from pretty. I cried, I begged, I pleaded. Ed would've given up long before me had he been in an identical situation. But I knew karma would come through, even if I did have to punch her in the gut and remind her I was owed!

Being Sweet Points

I don't know what it is about my family and gifts from Ed's family and leaving them in the airport, but it happened again. This time, Ed was hoping to get lucky on his flight back from Key West with Connor. The second leg of their three leg flight was nearly sold out, so Ed volunteered to be put on an alternate flight, which conveniently would've made their 3 leg trip a 2 leg trip. In the process, Connor's blue bunny that he received from Grandma Lynn a few days earlier got left at the desk. And, naturally, Ed and Connor didn't end up getting bumped, and just as the plane pulled away from the gate, Connor remembered the bunny.

When they arrived at their next location, Connor purchased a new item and after doing that, called me. He told me his story, and then he wanted to talk to Helen. He repeated his story to her and she responded with the following two sentences:

"That's OK if you lost your blue bunny, Connor. You can share my pink bunny with me!"

And that is why Helen is quite possibly the sweetest child on earth some days.

Elaine

Bucket List

While we were on vacation this past summer, my sister mentioned something that was on her "bucket list". Because I rarely watch movies, I had no idea what she was talking about. Turns out, it's a list of all the things you want to do before you kick the bucket. Below is mine.

1. See my children become independent. Before I die, I would like to know that they can function on their own. I suspect every parent hopes for this. Assuming I don't depart this work earlier than I anticipate, I have every reason I'll see this happen.

2. Live in Italy or France for at least six consecutive months. When I first read Frances Mayes' "Under the Tuscan Sun", it struck a really deep chord. I want to rent a villa, drink ridiculous amounts of wine, have a garden, and walk leisurely through the countryside. While at it, I'll have the opportunity to learn another language. This one's going to be hard to fit in, and is going to take a lot of buy-in from Ed.

3. Visit Peru and hike the Inca trails. It's been on my travel list for a long time. When Ed and I got married, we discussed this and going to Alaska for our honeymoon. George Bush had just taken office and I was certain - certain - that Alaska would be absolutely destroyed by his environmental policies, so we had to go there. RIGHT NOW! (See, kids, I am falliable! And I am prone to thinking extreme thoughts! You already know that, but now you have it in writing one more time.) I don't regret the trip to Alaska for a minute, but I do hope that the opportunity to go to Peru hasn't passed me by.

4. Make a perfect strawberry-rhubarb caramel. Damn if I didn't take a class with this being the singular goal and damn if I haven't tried it more than once only to face failure. Complete failure.

5. Run a marathon.

6. Take a barge trip through Germany. I'm hoping to drag my parents with me on this one.

7. Go on a crazy vacation with my mom. Consider yourself warned, Mom. Someday, the two of us will find ourselves where we never expected to be. And it's going to be really fun. Keep repeating that and smile. "REALLY FUN!" I just need my kids to get a little older before I can leave them for a week or so. And having my sister along too would be a bonus, but that means the trip would need to take place on a sandy beach somewhere, and I'm thinking I'd prefer something a little more adventurous - though my mom is reading this and calling my sister right now begging her to be a moderating force so we can go to beach instead of...?

8. Fire a wood-fired kiln. Of course, this will require me to get back in the pottery studio! But there's hopefully lots of time for this.

9. Tend a garden that produces enough produce for a family of two for the entire summer. This might be tied to #2.

Elaine

We might as well be on a first name basis

I have a friend who has called her parents by their first names, probably since high school. I was reminded of her constantly this past weekend because Helen has taken to calling me Elaine with great force. It happened like this.

Typically, she would call for me "mom", "mommy", "ELAINE!". Because Helen has developed a habit of talking whenever Connor starts talking, and because I would like her voice to not drown out his, as a matter of course, I continue listening to Connor, respond to him, and then if I can understand what Helen wanted as well, I respond to her. It's a talent to listen to two people at once while simultaneously doing whatever I am tasked with, which could be driving! If I don't pick up on what Helen was saying, I ask her to repeat, and then I respond. Because Helen is a persistent booger, it usually means I am responding to her at the point she screams "ELAINE!", rather than the point she says "mom".

So, in her brain, it makes perfect sense that calling "ELAINE!" gets a quicker response than "mom", so now she just goes straight to that.

I have avoided squelching the behavior for three reasons.

1. It makes sense to me that we're on a first name basis. She knows me better than anyone else she knows and I know her better than anyone else knows her.

2. It's funny...especially when we're in public. I always imagine that people look at us and think "wow, that stepmom is the closest thing to a mom I've ever seen".

3. We'll be visiting Dick in a few days, and I know in his heart it annoys him to be called Dick, rather than Grandpa, but since it doesn't bother me that Helen calls him Dick, I've never bothered correcting it. It seems in this case, turnabout is fair play.