My mom has been faithfully printing out and saving everything I've ever written on this blog and the blog's predecessor. She compiles these blog entries into scrapbooks that I have thumbed through more than once. When I take them out, Connor and Helen get a real hoot out of the photos. When my mom gave me the first installment, I admit, I was thinking "What are you doing this for? Do you think the Internet is going to disappear?". Well, um, here I am, eating crow.
No, the Internet is not disappearing, but my freelance writing gig over at SVMoms is. A few days ago, all of the writers in the group received an email indicating the sites were folding as of July 1. This includes DCMetromoms, the site for which I have posted just seven times, but in those seven posts, I have enjoyed thinking about parenting issues and issues about living in DC that were not specific to Connor and Helen. I was bummed by the news, because I felt like I was just hitting my stride.
At first, it was unclear whether the site would remain on the Internet or not, and writers were encouraged to move posts to their personal blogs. Now, it appears as if the site will remain up, but no comments will be allowed, nor will any new posts go up. I have just finished copying the posts over to this site. I have entered them in the days I posted them over at DCMetromoms. I have labeled them "DCMetromoms" and all of the titles begin with DCMM:. It's not an elegant solution, but I didn't want the posts to be subject to randomly disappearing some day.
Lucky for me, some of the fine women who have been writing over at DCMetromoms a lot longer than I have been are planning to launch something new. So...maybe my freelance writing career will be saved. I hope so. I was having fun.
Showing posts with label DCMetroMoms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DCMetroMoms. Show all posts
Friday, June 18, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
DCMM: Hey AAP: Ready to Reverse Course on Male Circumcision, Too?
I run in a pretty “crunchy” crowd. Or rather, I used to run in an ultra-crunchy crowd. You know - the kind that grows vegetables in the backyard, argues about the conservative media bias, and generally considers Birkenstocks to be perfectly acceptable for the office. I never seriously considered a hospital birth because I knew from the start I wanted my babies born at home if at all possible. But I knew when I was a new mom I needed to flap my social wings a bit. I found myself socializing with other mamas, if only for the reassurance that my son’s (remarkably poor) eating and (remarkably poor) sleeping was normal. (It was). Imagine my surprise, then, as I sat with a group of moms at a Friday jazz program at the National Gallery of Art when the conversation turned to circumcision.
One of the moms of a girl asked the group (which formed from a lunchtime gathering at the Breastfeeding Center of Greater Washington) about whether folks had their sons circumcised and at the point when I was about to say “of course not, I’m friends with the author of the MGM bill, and he has convinced me the procedure is unnecessary and potentially harmful”, I was interrupted and another woman answered (and I do not think I will ever forget this) “Of course I did! I don’t want my son to be a freak! I want girls to like him!”, and then the next woman spoke up about her son’s bris, and a third chimed in about how her son didn’t even blink during the procedure which clearly showed it wasn’t painful (though others would argue her son might have been in shock). At this point, I looked down at my glass of wine, blinked back a tear, and took it as one more sign that life as I knew it before a baby was gone. If I wanted to have some mommy friends, which I desperately did, I was going to have to take a step to the right and bite my tongue. Or at least bite my tongue.
I was reminded of this conversation a few weeks ago when the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) put out a position statement —which they subsequently reversed—regarding female circumcision, or female genital cutting (FGC). After a loud public outcry, the AAP has reaffirmed their opposition to all forms of FGC, noting that it is forbidden by federal law in the United States.
But I wonder, what will the AAP say in the revised policy on male circumcision that is due out later this year? Currently, the AAP’s policy indicates that circumcision is not essential to a child’s health and furthermore, scientific benefits of the procedure are not sufficient for the AAP to recommend that all infant boys be circumcised. Yet, at least in this country (though few other Western countries), circumcision remains the norm (though that majority is getting slim). Contrast this with Canada, where fewer than one-third of infant males are circumcised. And that’s true of many European countries as well.
How did I make the decision? I thought about a few things. My son could only reasonably expect to be able to reverse my decision to not circumcise. A choice to have him circumcised would be a lifelong one. My husband and I thought this decision ought to be his. As a mom that often looked like a deer in headlights, I often go back to the mantra “first, do no harm” – and this pointed me in the direction of not having him circumcised. I dismissed the argument that my son wouldn’t “match” his peers the same way my mom dismissed me when I used this logic as a girl “If Suzy jumped off a bridge would you follow her?”. But most of all, it just never made sense to me. The routine removal of a body part wasn’t something my husband or I could justify. And so we didn’t. I'm crossing my fingers that when the AAP's new policy statement on male circumcision comes out, they agree with me.
This is an original DCMetroMoms post. Elaine writes about less controversial topics at Connor and Helen!
These were the original comments on the post:
Jessica C./Claire Jess said...
This mama of an intact boy says thanks for writing!
Reply June 14, 2010 at 05:44 AM Tiffany said...
Oh, I know that feeling. Making non-mainstream decisions regarding your children puts you in a veeerrryyy awkward position in mommy groups. Comments like the ones you heard make me cringe as well. It saddens me that the choice to remove a normal healthy body part is based on the desire to look good for the girls.....Gah!
Reply June 14, 2010 at 05:57 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Tiffany...
How girls may or may not perceive my son is not - and hopefully never will be - grounds for a decision like this.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 07:02 AM Rebecca said...
Great post. I am a mom four uncircumsised boys. I'd like to think the woman they pick to marry would look past that part of them to the men they will be. (In answer to your friend's reasoning.)
Reply June 14, 2010 at 06:26 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Rebecca...
Me too. In all the conversations I had about this, how a woman would perceive my son never came up.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 07:01 AM Marilyn Milos, RN said in reply to Rebecca...
Any woman who understands the importance of the foreskin and recognizes how much better sex is with an intact man will thank their mother-in-law for protecting her son! My grandson and his wife have both thanked me!
Reply June 16, 2010 at 10:47 AM Robin (noteverstill) said...
We're Jewish and religious(ish) and my son had a bris. We never considered otherwise - I just can't turn my back on a multi-thousand year tradition and what we are taught is God's commandment. I wonder, though, if I wasn't Jewish... I think I probably would be against it for many of the reasons you describe. My first two kids were girls and I never had to think about this. With #3 it was only a philosophical discussion because we do feel religiously obligated, but it was an interesting philosophical discussion to pursue. I so understand about biting my tongue re: parenting opinions. I hope those of us who circumcise for religious reasons, at least, don't make you uncomfortable with our decisions. I think the most important thing is that you're putting so much thought into how you'll care for your son - that's what will make him turn out right.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 06:31 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Robin (noteverstill)...
Because I'm not Jewish, I never had to think about it, so it's hard for me to truly be in your shoes. I do, however, appreciate that thoughtful parenting will go a long way. And yes, biting tongues. Always biting tongues in new crowds.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 07:00 AM Marilyn Milos, RN said in reply to Robin (noteverstill)...
I suggest you read Marked in Your Flesh: Circumcision from Ancient Judea to Modern America, by Professor Emeritus Leonard Glick, MD, PhD, in which he discusses how circumcision was inserted into the Bible in Genesis 17 by the priests (P text)about a thousand years after Abraham allegedly lived. The original covenant was Genesis 15, which said nothing about circumcision. Many Jews today are now welcoming their babies with a bris shalom, a celebration of peace, a naming ceremony, without the cut. It's not being circumcision, but being born of a Jewish mother that makes one a Jew.
Reply June 16, 2010 at 11:01 AM Marilyn Milos, RN said in reply to Marilyn Milos, RN...
Oops, that should be been "It's not being circumcised but being born of a Jewish mother that makes one a Jew."
Reply June 16, 2010 at 11:02 AM Kiki La Roo said...
Good for you, from a mama of an intact boy.
The "I want girls to like him" excuse kills me. My daughter has seen her brother's parts many a time...it will be normal to her, when the time comes.
It's the penis owner's choice in my book. The end.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 06:41 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Kiki La Roo...
This is the reason that kills me most as well. Seriously? I like to think I would not have cared about this, even as a 20-something. GAH!
Reply June 14, 2010 at 06:59 AM Vickie said...
Hmm. I have no memory of this conversation, but I can sympathize with the tongue-biting.
T's circumcised. We never thought he wouldn't be, because where we come from, ALL boys are circumcised (or at least, all catholic/christian boys are; am not sure about the Muslim population). In his dad's time, it's a rite of passage, typically done before setting foot in high school. Most families nowadays have it done soon after their boys are born, though.
We always thought we'd be headed back home within a few years, so it made sense to me that T ought to resemble what I thought would be his peer group. I don't think anyone thinks twice about this back home. I've also never heard any stories of circumcisions gone wrong back home. I did read that book about twin boys in the midwest where one was mutilated during his procedure and his parents decided to raise him as a girl with horrible consequences.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 10:28 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Vickie...
You read the most interesting books, Vickie! I can tell you more details about the conversation. I remember a lot. But I do not remember you being there, so possibly you weren't. It really bummed me out at the time, and I didn't have the confidence to engage anyone in a debate about it, so I just sat there quiet and stunned. Now, I wish I had challenged the person in question a bit.
That's interesting that the procedure used to be rite of passage that took place at a time when a boy could understand what was happening. I wonder what motivated the change to it being an infant procedure.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 02:25 PM Vickie said in reply to ElaineMM...
Haha! The book was nonfiction (and I am too lazy to google it now) but I remember the impression it made on me--back in the 60s when the mutilation happened the thinking among psychologists that gender identity is tied to genitals. But the boy who was forced to become a girl grew up unhappy and aggressive and not comfortable in his own skin until he found out the truth. As an adult he decided to be who he really was (a man), got reconstructive surgery, etc. and last I heard had a family.
Quite possibly I wasn't there--I don't remember making NGA Jazz until T was older, and never with a big group.
In the less urban areas back home, I think this is still a cusp-of-teenage years ritual for many boys. (Who don't even go to a doctor for this--sometimes it's a barber, sometimes a faith healer.)
I think as people become more affluent, they make the decision to have it done early to spare their sons the spectacle of spending the days after the procedure wearing their sisters'/mothers' slips or skirts. And they may rationalize it by saying that the baby won't remember the pain.
For us it was also an insurance decision! Circumcision is covered completely when performed within a certain number of days following birth, but my brother-in-law found out the hard way that if you wait till your boys are teens or tweens AND you live in the US, it costs minimum $700 per kid.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 08:00 PM Deni said...
This is a personal choice and we all need to allow it to stay out of the list of things we judge! I am the sister of 6 brothers (dad and brothers not circumcised) mother of 6 (4 boys all circumcised) our decision was because we had seen a friends boy that had to have it done at 4yrs old for medical reasons and thought better to prevent with it done early. We realize that it is the exception to have issues either way and left the decision for our 4 grandchildren to their parents without judgment!
We are all free to be individuals so just base your decision on who you are not what others think!
Reply June 14, 2010 at 10:57 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Deni...
That's true often, right? We ought to base our decisions on who we are, not what others think. Now that's a lesson I'd like to figure out how to pass on successfully. Could apply in a lot of contexts.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 02:26 PM Marilyn Milos, RN said in reply to Deni...
Now we're beginning to understand circumcision as a human rights issue, so we've begun to recognize that it is not our right but a choice that actually belongs to the person who will live with the loss and consequences of a decision made by someone else.
Initially, we didn't understand how the pain, trauma, or harms of circumcision affected our sons but, during the past 30 years, thousands upon thousands of men have voiced their complaints. They describe their scars, skin bridges, missing pieces, the problem of premature ejaculation in the early sexually active years, and the problem of sexual dysfunction leading to impotence later. Form cannot be altered without altering function. Circumcision disturbs the normal sex life of both the male and his sexual partner.
Believe me, I am not sitting in judgment, I have three circumcised sons. But, after witnessing a circumcision when my sons were 10, 17, and 20, during which the baby screamed horrifically and the doctor looked into my tear-streaked face and said, "There is no medical reason for doing this," I devoted my life to bringing an end to non-therapeutic genital cutting of non-consenting minors, whether they are boys, girls, or intersex children.
Now, I have four intact grandsons, so we learn.
Reply June 16, 2010 at 11:19 AM ohslowburn said...
Thanks for this - I wasn't aware the AAP had reversed it's recommendation, something I care and blogged about (whole other subject!).
As for the male circumcision thing, I take comfort in something my husband said when we decided not to have our boys clipped - "honey, no one will say a thing, it's really not like men walk around looking too closely at one another's shlongs." Okay then. :P
Furthermore, if he really really wants to "be like the others" he can choose to do it later in life. I imagine it's an ordeal, but at least he'll have a choice and will go into it with his eyes open.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 11:07 AM ElaineMM said in reply to ohslowburn...
Wow! Those are some powerful posts. A friend and I went down this same debate road right after the policy came out. It is all about protecting young people, in the end. And wouldn't life be easier if we knew exactly how we could do this best? Thanks for writing! You've given me more to think about.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 02:32 PM Jenni said...
Mom to two intact boys. We never even considered it. We just felt like the foreskin is there for a reason and we did not feel comfortable with the procedure.
You know, I heard that the AAP is actually going to alter their recommendation to the "for circumcision" category as some studies show it may reduce the spread of AIDS. I can't help but think that teaching our sons to practice safe sex would go a lot further with regards to AIDS prevention.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 11:32 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Jenni...
I know about the study that made a big splash in Africa about AIDS prevention. Two subsequent studies had the opposite findings, and of course, you point out that there are more direct ways in the US we can think about AIDS prevention. I'm definitely curious about what the AAP is going to say.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 02:19 PM Marilyn Milos, RN said in reply to Jenni...
You're absolutely correct that safe sex practices would go a lot further to protect against AIDS. In fact, the spread of AIDS has been curbed in Thailand, Senegal, and Eastern Uganda because those governments took a strong leadership role, educating about the dangers of HIV/AIDS, with a new campaign of "100% condom use 100% of the time!" Then, they distributed free condoms.
The African studies, done by researchers who were promoting circumcision for other reasons before they used AIDS as the excuse, are suspect!
The horror is the vast numbers of men who are being circumcised in Africa now because they've bought into the hype. Our NOCIRC of Kenya director, Prince Hillary Maloba, reports that Kenyans who have been circumcised to prevent AIDS are wondering now why they've acquired it, even though they were circumcised. How many more will be harmed, have their sex lives diminished, or die because of this misuse of funds. In addition, those men who think circumcision will protect them may very well be even more promiscuous because they're circumcised, believing they're protected.
Education, not amputation!
Reply June 16, 2010 at 11:26 AM Jenni said...
Glad to hear they retracted that bogus position on FGC, though. Ridiculous.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 11:34 AM Ladybug Crossing said...
My husband and his brother both had to have circumcisions at the age of for medical reasons. Trust me, it was not pleasant for either of them. When our son came along, both my husband and my BIL were adamant that our #1 get circumcised as an infant. I absolutely agreed. Genetics were not in our favor for leaving things alone.
Do I care if you circumcise your boy? No. Will I tell you what happened to my Mr. and his brother? Sure I will. But, when it comes right down to it, the choice is yours.
LBC
One of the moms of a girl asked the group (which formed from a lunchtime gathering at the Breastfeeding Center of Greater Washington) about whether folks had their sons circumcised and at the point when I was about to say “of course not, I’m friends with the author of the MGM bill, and he has convinced me the procedure is unnecessary and potentially harmful”, I was interrupted and another woman answered (and I do not think I will ever forget this) “Of course I did! I don’t want my son to be a freak! I want girls to like him!”, and then the next woman spoke up about her son’s bris, and a third chimed in about how her son didn’t even blink during the procedure which clearly showed it wasn’t painful (though others would argue her son might have been in shock). At this point, I looked down at my glass of wine, blinked back a tear, and took it as one more sign that life as I knew it before a baby was gone. If I wanted to have some mommy friends, which I desperately did, I was going to have to take a step to the right and bite my tongue. Or at least bite my tongue.
I was reminded of this conversation a few weeks ago when the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) put out a position statement —which they subsequently reversed—regarding female circumcision, or female genital cutting (FGC). After a loud public outcry, the AAP has reaffirmed their opposition to all forms of FGC, noting that it is forbidden by federal law in the United States.
But I wonder, what will the AAP say in the revised policy on male circumcision that is due out later this year? Currently, the AAP’s policy indicates that circumcision is not essential to a child’s health and furthermore, scientific benefits of the procedure are not sufficient for the AAP to recommend that all infant boys be circumcised. Yet, at least in this country (though few other Western countries), circumcision remains the norm (though that majority is getting slim). Contrast this with Canada, where fewer than one-third of infant males are circumcised. And that’s true of many European countries as well.
How did I make the decision? I thought about a few things. My son could only reasonably expect to be able to reverse my decision to not circumcise. A choice to have him circumcised would be a lifelong one. My husband and I thought this decision ought to be his. As a mom that often looked like a deer in headlights, I often go back to the mantra “first, do no harm” – and this pointed me in the direction of not having him circumcised. I dismissed the argument that my son wouldn’t “match” his peers the same way my mom dismissed me when I used this logic as a girl “If Suzy jumped off a bridge would you follow her?”. But most of all, it just never made sense to me. The routine removal of a body part wasn’t something my husband or I could justify. And so we didn’t. I'm crossing my fingers that when the AAP's new policy statement on male circumcision comes out, they agree with me.
This is an original DCMetroMoms post. Elaine writes about less controversial topics at Connor and Helen!
These were the original comments on the post:
Jessica C./Claire Jess said...
This mama of an intact boy says thanks for writing!
Reply June 14, 2010 at 05:44 AM Tiffany said...
Oh, I know that feeling. Making non-mainstream decisions regarding your children puts you in a veeerrryyy awkward position in mommy groups. Comments like the ones you heard make me cringe as well. It saddens me that the choice to remove a normal healthy body part is based on the desire to look good for the girls.....Gah!
Reply June 14, 2010 at 05:57 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Tiffany...
How girls may or may not perceive my son is not - and hopefully never will be - grounds for a decision like this.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 07:02 AM Rebecca said...
Great post. I am a mom four uncircumsised boys. I'd like to think the woman they pick to marry would look past that part of them to the men they will be. (In answer to your friend's reasoning.)
Reply June 14, 2010 at 06:26 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Rebecca...
Me too. In all the conversations I had about this, how a woman would perceive my son never came up.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 07:01 AM Marilyn Milos, RN said in reply to Rebecca...
Any woman who understands the importance of the foreskin and recognizes how much better sex is with an intact man will thank their mother-in-law for protecting her son! My grandson and his wife have both thanked me!
Reply June 16, 2010 at 10:47 AM Robin (noteverstill) said...
We're Jewish and religious(ish) and my son had a bris. We never considered otherwise - I just can't turn my back on a multi-thousand year tradition and what we are taught is God's commandment. I wonder, though, if I wasn't Jewish... I think I probably would be against it for many of the reasons you describe. My first two kids were girls and I never had to think about this. With #3 it was only a philosophical discussion because we do feel religiously obligated, but it was an interesting philosophical discussion to pursue. I so understand about biting my tongue re: parenting opinions. I hope those of us who circumcise for religious reasons, at least, don't make you uncomfortable with our decisions. I think the most important thing is that you're putting so much thought into how you'll care for your son - that's what will make him turn out right.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 06:31 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Robin (noteverstill)...
Because I'm not Jewish, I never had to think about it, so it's hard for me to truly be in your shoes. I do, however, appreciate that thoughtful parenting will go a long way. And yes, biting tongues. Always biting tongues in new crowds.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 07:00 AM Marilyn Milos, RN said in reply to Robin (noteverstill)...
I suggest you read Marked in Your Flesh: Circumcision from Ancient Judea to Modern America, by Professor Emeritus Leonard Glick, MD, PhD, in which he discusses how circumcision was inserted into the Bible in Genesis 17 by the priests (P text)about a thousand years after Abraham allegedly lived. The original covenant was Genesis 15, which said nothing about circumcision. Many Jews today are now welcoming their babies with a bris shalom, a celebration of peace, a naming ceremony, without the cut. It's not being circumcision, but being born of a Jewish mother that makes one a Jew.
Reply June 16, 2010 at 11:01 AM Marilyn Milos, RN said in reply to Marilyn Milos, RN...
Oops, that should be been "It's not being circumcised but being born of a Jewish mother that makes one a Jew."
Reply June 16, 2010 at 11:02 AM Kiki La Roo said...
Good for you, from a mama of an intact boy.
The "I want girls to like him" excuse kills me. My daughter has seen her brother's parts many a time...it will be normal to her, when the time comes.
It's the penis owner's choice in my book. The end.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 06:41 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Kiki La Roo...
This is the reason that kills me most as well. Seriously? I like to think I would not have cared about this, even as a 20-something. GAH!
Reply June 14, 2010 at 06:59 AM Vickie said...
Hmm. I have no memory of this conversation, but I can sympathize with the tongue-biting.
T's circumcised. We never thought he wouldn't be, because where we come from, ALL boys are circumcised (or at least, all catholic/christian boys are; am not sure about the Muslim population). In his dad's time, it's a rite of passage, typically done before setting foot in high school. Most families nowadays have it done soon after their boys are born, though.
We always thought we'd be headed back home within a few years, so it made sense to me that T ought to resemble what I thought would be his peer group. I don't think anyone thinks twice about this back home. I've also never heard any stories of circumcisions gone wrong back home. I did read that book about twin boys in the midwest where one was mutilated during his procedure and his parents decided to raise him as a girl with horrible consequences.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 10:28 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Vickie...
You read the most interesting books, Vickie! I can tell you more details about the conversation. I remember a lot. But I do not remember you being there, so possibly you weren't. It really bummed me out at the time, and I didn't have the confidence to engage anyone in a debate about it, so I just sat there quiet and stunned. Now, I wish I had challenged the person in question a bit.
That's interesting that the procedure used to be rite of passage that took place at a time when a boy could understand what was happening. I wonder what motivated the change to it being an infant procedure.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 02:25 PM Vickie said in reply to ElaineMM...
Haha! The book was nonfiction (and I am too lazy to google it now) but I remember the impression it made on me--back in the 60s when the mutilation happened the thinking among psychologists that gender identity is tied to genitals. But the boy who was forced to become a girl grew up unhappy and aggressive and not comfortable in his own skin until he found out the truth. As an adult he decided to be who he really was (a man), got reconstructive surgery, etc. and last I heard had a family.
Quite possibly I wasn't there--I don't remember making NGA Jazz until T was older, and never with a big group.
In the less urban areas back home, I think this is still a cusp-of-teenage years ritual for many boys. (Who don't even go to a doctor for this--sometimes it's a barber, sometimes a faith healer.)
I think as people become more affluent, they make the decision to have it done early to spare their sons the spectacle of spending the days after the procedure wearing their sisters'/mothers' slips or skirts. And they may rationalize it by saying that the baby won't remember the pain.
For us it was also an insurance decision! Circumcision is covered completely when performed within a certain number of days following birth, but my brother-in-law found out the hard way that if you wait till your boys are teens or tweens AND you live in the US, it costs minimum $700 per kid.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 08:00 PM Deni said...
This is a personal choice and we all need to allow it to stay out of the list of things we judge! I am the sister of 6 brothers (dad and brothers not circumcised) mother of 6 (4 boys all circumcised) our decision was because we had seen a friends boy that had to have it done at 4yrs old for medical reasons and thought better to prevent with it done early. We realize that it is the exception to have issues either way and left the decision for our 4 grandchildren to their parents without judgment!
We are all free to be individuals so just base your decision on who you are not what others think!
Reply June 14, 2010 at 10:57 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Deni...
That's true often, right? We ought to base our decisions on who we are, not what others think. Now that's a lesson I'd like to figure out how to pass on successfully. Could apply in a lot of contexts.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 02:26 PM Marilyn Milos, RN said in reply to Deni...
Now we're beginning to understand circumcision as a human rights issue, so we've begun to recognize that it is not our right but a choice that actually belongs to the person who will live with the loss and consequences of a decision made by someone else.
Initially, we didn't understand how the pain, trauma, or harms of circumcision affected our sons but, during the past 30 years, thousands upon thousands of men have voiced their complaints. They describe their scars, skin bridges, missing pieces, the problem of premature ejaculation in the early sexually active years, and the problem of sexual dysfunction leading to impotence later. Form cannot be altered without altering function. Circumcision disturbs the normal sex life of both the male and his sexual partner.
Believe me, I am not sitting in judgment, I have three circumcised sons. But, after witnessing a circumcision when my sons were 10, 17, and 20, during which the baby screamed horrifically and the doctor looked into my tear-streaked face and said, "There is no medical reason for doing this," I devoted my life to bringing an end to non-therapeutic genital cutting of non-consenting minors, whether they are boys, girls, or intersex children.
Now, I have four intact grandsons, so we learn.
Reply June 16, 2010 at 11:19 AM ohslowburn said...
Thanks for this - I wasn't aware the AAP had reversed it's recommendation, something I care and blogged about (whole other subject!).
As for the male circumcision thing, I take comfort in something my husband said when we decided not to have our boys clipped - "honey, no one will say a thing, it's really not like men walk around looking too closely at one another's shlongs." Okay then. :P
Furthermore, if he really really wants to "be like the others" he can choose to do it later in life. I imagine it's an ordeal, but at least he'll have a choice and will go into it with his eyes open.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 11:07 AM ElaineMM said in reply to ohslowburn...
Wow! Those are some powerful posts. A friend and I went down this same debate road right after the policy came out. It is all about protecting young people, in the end. And wouldn't life be easier if we knew exactly how we could do this best? Thanks for writing! You've given me more to think about.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 02:32 PM Jenni said...
Mom to two intact boys. We never even considered it. We just felt like the foreskin is there for a reason and we did not feel comfortable with the procedure.
You know, I heard that the AAP is actually going to alter their recommendation to the "for circumcision" category as some studies show it may reduce the spread of AIDS. I can't help but think that teaching our sons to practice safe sex would go a lot further with regards to AIDS prevention.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 11:32 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Jenni...
I know about the study that made a big splash in Africa about AIDS prevention. Two subsequent studies had the opposite findings, and of course, you point out that there are more direct ways in the US we can think about AIDS prevention. I'm definitely curious about what the AAP is going to say.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 02:19 PM Marilyn Milos, RN said in reply to Jenni...
You're absolutely correct that safe sex practices would go a lot further to protect against AIDS. In fact, the spread of AIDS has been curbed in Thailand, Senegal, and Eastern Uganda because those governments took a strong leadership role, educating about the dangers of HIV/AIDS, with a new campaign of "100% condom use 100% of the time!" Then, they distributed free condoms.
The African studies, done by researchers who were promoting circumcision for other reasons before they used AIDS as the excuse, are suspect!
The horror is the vast numbers of men who are being circumcised in Africa now because they've bought into the hype. Our NOCIRC of Kenya director, Prince Hillary Maloba, reports that Kenyans who have been circumcised to prevent AIDS are wondering now why they've acquired it, even though they were circumcised. How many more will be harmed, have their sex lives diminished, or die because of this misuse of funds. In addition, those men who think circumcision will protect them may very well be even more promiscuous because they're circumcised, believing they're protected.
Education, not amputation!
Reply June 16, 2010 at 11:26 AM Jenni said...
Glad to hear they retracted that bogus position on FGC, though. Ridiculous.
Reply June 14, 2010 at 11:34 AM Ladybug Crossing said...
My husband and his brother both had to have circumcisions at the age of for medical reasons. Trust me, it was not pleasant for either of them. When our son came along, both my husband and my BIL were adamant that our #1 get circumcised as an infant. I absolutely agreed. Genetics were not in our favor for leaving things alone.
Do I care if you circumcise your boy? No. Will I tell you what happened to my Mr. and his brother? Sure I will. But, when it comes right down to it, the choice is yours.
LBC
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
DCMM: Powering Down: Why Being a Part-Time Worker and Parent Can Be So Hard
The choice to become a parent brings necessary trade-offs. Time does not expand, after all. For me, it meant essentially giving up pottery as a hobby and working part-time, rather than full-time. I don’t regret the choices for a minute. And if you could see the way my son solves problems daily or the way my daughter laughs, you’d know why in an instant. Absent my children, I never would’ve gotten to see the world anew in a totally different light.
A few years ago, my husband and I made the choice that we’d send our son to a Waldorf pre-school, and that meant giving up a few more things. No more NPR in the car with the kids; no more television news before dinner; trying really, really hard to be present for my kids and do tasks that they would find meaningful, rather than sitting behind a keyboard. I do it willingly. While some folks might consider it to simply be replicating the ostrich approach to parenting—my head firmly planted in the sand while the world and all its technology swirls around me—the philosophy agrees with me. I’m one of those people who, when call waiting came out, would hang up if someone switched over to answer another call. The person I was talking to would either decide we were done talking, or call back and ask me why I’d hung up on them. I’d always answer “I didn’t hang up on you, you hung up on me. You chose to answer another call rather than finish our conversation”. And that’s a fine choice to make, but it seemed to me that I shouldn’t have to wait on hold while they took another call. They could call me back when they had the time to talk.
A recent article in the New York Times struck a chord with me. The story points out that we are pulled constantly by technology. Be it a Twitter alert coming in, a Facebook status update received through our Iphones, Blackberries, and other hand held devices, or a phone call from our offices. That last one happens to the part-time workers amongst us. I have a love hate relationship with my cell phone. I love that I can work part-time and give my office the comfort to call me whenever they want on my days off. I hate the rare occasion when they actually take me up on that offer. I get the feeling I'm not the only DC mom who feels this way.
I get the upsides of communication and technology. And were I to go toe-to-toe with someone in a debate about whether technology is—on net— good or bad, I bet I would be on the losing side of the debate every time as I argued how bad it is, despite the fact that I am a former college debater and coach. But I can’t help it. It makes me really sad every day when I am at the park and I see parents paying more attention to their electronic devices than their children. I see parents wandering around with an Ipod in one ear, giving their children probably less than half their attention. I’m sad not just for the kids who sometimes seem to be getting short shrift. I’m sad for the parents too, who because of tremendous advances in the ability to carry technology out of the house probably feel compelled to do so, and that just adds the to the number of ways we’re pulled every day.
So…who’s up for joining me at the park this Friday with no technology? No need to call if you’ll be late. My cell phone will be at home. But shhh...don't tell my office!
Photo Credit: Samantha Fein
This is an original DC MetroMoms post. If you want to see Elaine’s daughter’s adorable smile or read about what her kids are up to, you can do so at her personal website.
Posted by ElaineMM on June 09, 2010 at 05:00 AM
Comments
Sue @ Laundry for Six said...
I was at a park earlier this week populated by several nannies and their charges. Every single one spent the whole time talking on a cell phone and barely paying attention to the kids. Even one poor toddler who was sitting in a baby swing that had stopped swinging. I have to be honest, I was feeling a little judgy about the whole thing. But then later the same day, I went to my neighborhood park and saw a couple of moms that I know doing the same thing.
I think if people could see themselves they would realize what an opportunity they are missing out on. I'm not necessarily the mom who is running around the playground with my kids, but I am sitting on a bench enjoying watching them play.
Great post! (And I will remember never to try and debate with you!!)
Reply June 09, 2010 at 05:55 AM ElaineMM said...
Sue, I have had to implement a no cell phone policy for my caregiver, unless it's me or my husband calling, or one of a very short list of playdates. I pay for the cell phone, so it's easy for me to do. I see the same thing, and it's even more unacceptable in my eyes for a paid caregiver to be rattling on. Few jobs would consider talking on the phone all day professional behavior.
Reply June 09, 2010 at 06:27 AM Betsy said...
Seeing parents out at the park with their kids, ignoring them while they talk or play on their cell phones is a pet peeve for me as well. Why leave your house and attempt to do something kid oriented when you really just want to talk on the phone or be online? I'm an IT person and even I find it to be too much at times. I admit I do my share of email checking, texting and FB at times to but if I'm doing something with my kids, I try to be with them physically and mentally. Those moments at the park with them won't last forever but technology and the relationships you maintain with it will march on even if you check out for a bit.
Reply June 09, 2010 at 07:35 AM Thrift Store Mama said...
I started writing a really long comment, but I think I'm just going to do a post on it instead !
Reply June 09, 2010 at 01:14 PM ElaineMM said in reply to Thrift Store Mama...
I look forward to it!
Reply June 10, 2010 at 06:18 AM Helen said...
Oh boy. The playground is my outdoor office -- when I have a work call on one of my days off I always try to go to the playground with the kids. Yes, you can hear the background noise of the playground, but if we're there it's much less likely one of my kids will scream directly into the phone, like he or she would if we were at home.
You know I agree with you on technology generally, especially for kids. But the only way it works for me to be part-time is if I am available, and sometimes that means being available, via technology, when I'm alone with the kids.
There have also been recent studies showing that parents, and especially mothers, are much more involved with their children than our parents were with us -- even if our mothers were single parents. So I guess I feel like I'm doing plenty with my kids, even though I need to be available to work.
Another great post, Elaine. Gotta go -- I'm supposed to be working! :)
Reply June 09, 2010 at 04:49 PM Helen said in reply to Helen...
Not SINGLE parents. I meant stay-at-home-moms.
Geez Louise I better get back to work.
-- H.
Reply June 09, 2010 at 04:51 PM ElaineMM said in reply to Helen...
I don't believe the studies, but I'd have to look back at them to remember why. Which is really not a response, I realize.
I understand why we talk on the phone with our kids at the park. I think it's just another thing that makes part-time work really hard. I was in Key West recently, preparing to board a tourist train with my kids while I was on a very important conference call that could not happen at any other time. It was ridiculous.
The middle ground is doing our jobs when we have to, but not turning to the phone just to swap stories with a friend, I suppose. But like I said in the post, I'll lose this debate every time.
A few years ago, my husband and I made the choice that we’d send our son to a Waldorf pre-school, and that meant giving up a few more things. No more NPR in the car with the kids; no more television news before dinner; trying really, really hard to be present for my kids and do tasks that they would find meaningful, rather than sitting behind a keyboard. I do it willingly. While some folks might consider it to simply be replicating the ostrich approach to parenting—my head firmly planted in the sand while the world and all its technology swirls around me—the philosophy agrees with me. I’m one of those people who, when call waiting came out, would hang up if someone switched over to answer another call. The person I was talking to would either decide we were done talking, or call back and ask me why I’d hung up on them. I’d always answer “I didn’t hang up on you, you hung up on me. You chose to answer another call rather than finish our conversation”. And that’s a fine choice to make, but it seemed to me that I shouldn’t have to wait on hold while they took another call. They could call me back when they had the time to talk.
A recent article in the New York Times struck a chord with me. The story points out that we are pulled constantly by technology. Be it a Twitter alert coming in, a Facebook status update received through our Iphones, Blackberries, and other hand held devices, or a phone call from our offices. That last one happens to the part-time workers amongst us. I have a love hate relationship with my cell phone. I love that I can work part-time and give my office the comfort to call me whenever they want on my days off. I hate the rare occasion when they actually take me up on that offer. I get the feeling I'm not the only DC mom who feels this way.
I get the upsides of communication and technology. And were I to go toe-to-toe with someone in a debate about whether technology is—on net— good or bad, I bet I would be on the losing side of the debate every time as I argued how bad it is, despite the fact that I am a former college debater and coach. But I can’t help it. It makes me really sad every day when I am at the park and I see parents paying more attention to their electronic devices than their children. I see parents wandering around with an Ipod in one ear, giving their children probably less than half their attention. I’m sad not just for the kids who sometimes seem to be getting short shrift. I’m sad for the parents too, who because of tremendous advances in the ability to carry technology out of the house probably feel compelled to do so, and that just adds the to the number of ways we’re pulled every day.
So…who’s up for joining me at the park this Friday with no technology? No need to call if you’ll be late. My cell phone will be at home. But shhh...don't tell my office!
Photo Credit: Samantha Fein
This is an original DC MetroMoms post. If you want to see Elaine’s daughter’s adorable smile or read about what her kids are up to, you can do so at her personal website.
Posted by ElaineMM on June 09, 2010 at 05:00 AM
Comments
Sue @ Laundry for Six said...
I was at a park earlier this week populated by several nannies and their charges. Every single one spent the whole time talking on a cell phone and barely paying attention to the kids. Even one poor toddler who was sitting in a baby swing that had stopped swinging. I have to be honest, I was feeling a little judgy about the whole thing. But then later the same day, I went to my neighborhood park and saw a couple of moms that I know doing the same thing.
I think if people could see themselves they would realize what an opportunity they are missing out on. I'm not necessarily the mom who is running around the playground with my kids, but I am sitting on a bench enjoying watching them play.
Great post! (And I will remember never to try and debate with you!!)
Reply June 09, 2010 at 05:55 AM ElaineMM said...
Sue, I have had to implement a no cell phone policy for my caregiver, unless it's me or my husband calling, or one of a very short list of playdates. I pay for the cell phone, so it's easy for me to do. I see the same thing, and it's even more unacceptable in my eyes for a paid caregiver to be rattling on. Few jobs would consider talking on the phone all day professional behavior.
Reply June 09, 2010 at 06:27 AM Betsy said...
Seeing parents out at the park with their kids, ignoring them while they talk or play on their cell phones is a pet peeve for me as well. Why leave your house and attempt to do something kid oriented when you really just want to talk on the phone or be online? I'm an IT person and even I find it to be too much at times. I admit I do my share of email checking, texting and FB at times to but if I'm doing something with my kids, I try to be with them physically and mentally. Those moments at the park with them won't last forever but technology and the relationships you maintain with it will march on even if you check out for a bit.
Reply June 09, 2010 at 07:35 AM Thrift Store Mama said...
I started writing a really long comment, but I think I'm just going to do a post on it instead !
Reply June 09, 2010 at 01:14 PM ElaineMM said in reply to Thrift Store Mama...
I look forward to it!
Reply June 10, 2010 at 06:18 AM Helen said...
Oh boy. The playground is my outdoor office -- when I have a work call on one of my days off I always try to go to the playground with the kids. Yes, you can hear the background noise of the playground, but if we're there it's much less likely one of my kids will scream directly into the phone, like he or she would if we were at home.
You know I agree with you on technology generally, especially for kids. But the only way it works for me to be part-time is if I am available, and sometimes that means being available, via technology, when I'm alone with the kids.
There have also been recent studies showing that parents, and especially mothers, are much more involved with their children than our parents were with us -- even if our mothers were single parents. So I guess I feel like I'm doing plenty with my kids, even though I need to be available to work.
Another great post, Elaine. Gotta go -- I'm supposed to be working! :)
Reply June 09, 2010 at 04:49 PM Helen said in reply to Helen...
Not SINGLE parents. I meant stay-at-home-moms.
Geez Louise I better get back to work.
-- H.
Reply June 09, 2010 at 04:51 PM ElaineMM said in reply to Helen...
I don't believe the studies, but I'd have to look back at them to remember why. Which is really not a response, I realize.
I understand why we talk on the phone with our kids at the park. I think it's just another thing that makes part-time work really hard. I was in Key West recently, preparing to board a tourist train with my kids while I was on a very important conference call that could not happen at any other time. It was ridiculous.
The middle ground is doing our jobs when we have to, but not turning to the phone just to swap stories with a friend, I suppose. But like I said in the post, I'll lose this debate every time.
Friday, May 21, 2010
DCMM: Declaring War on the Earth: Part 3, Should We Sweat the Small Stuff?
First came the baby in the baby carriage, and the warmer house. That’s the day we declared war on the Earth. Next came another baby in a baby carriage that could haul two kids around, and a bigger house—The Big Move. Now, I have to figure out how to at least control this war on the Earth so that some day, I might live in harmony once more. Please, please, let this conflict not escalate any further.
I could do something extreme and sell my home, downsize, and instantly reduce my carbon footprint. The trouble is, housing transaction costs are high. It’s not something you just do overnight. Plus, a move would threaten my sanity, and that’s something I don’t like to tinker with. It prompted the initial move.
So here’s what I do – which follows all those posts on DCMetroMoms that got me thinking about this topic in the first place. And that’s when I realize that I, too, am missing the forest for the trees.
My children wear almost exclusively used clothes. I buy and then later sell them at a local consignment sale. Doing this provides efficiencies in at least two ways. First, in only two trips each year, I’m able to purchase nearly all the clothes they’ll need for the coming two seasons. That’s collectively a lot of gas saved in errands I avoid. Second, I delay the eventual entry of these items into the trash heap. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to do this. My own son recently showed me his trick of sliding down a slipper slide on his knees. My thought? “Oh my goodness that’s hard on those jeans! No wonder I’m having such a hard time finding his size at the consignment sale.” I have a feeling he’ll be putting his share of holes in clothing in these next years.
Few of the toys in my home have a battery. As a friend of mine and I were agonizing over all of the environmental damage wreaked upon the Earth in the name of our children she practically cried “and the batteries”. Yahoo Answers assures me that tossing batteries out is bad, bad, bad. After all, lead, mercury, and cadmium from batteries not disposed of properly eventually find its way to the environment. I need to get a box for the few dead batteries generated in my house and at least make sure they get disposed of properly.
I visited a friend in my daughter’s playgroup not too long ago and learned that she never uses a plastic trash bag. Instead, she saves bags from items like carrots and celery, sorts her trash so that anything that is “yucky” gets placed in these bags, and then she tosses them out. I thought this represented some pretty fine resource usage. When I marveled at this over dessert one evening, another friend chimed in that she did the same thing. Luckily, Arlington provides incredible recycling resources, taking nearly everything I can think of in the recycling bin each week. I like that. I remember when I lived in DC over a decade ago and I had to drive my recycling (except for cans and glass bottles) to a parking lot every other week. What a pain. Please tell me this has improved by now.
I never, never, never get a bag when I purchase lunch. But I admit, it's because I work in DC and it costs a nickel for a bag. A NICKEL! I’m way too cheap to pay that, and it provides enough incentive for me to bring my own reusable bag. My husband is champion of all champions when it comes to bringing his reusable bags to the supermarket. I’m still working on that.
My children and I maintain a vegetarian lifestyle, as does my husband much of the time.
About a month after my family moved into our current house, we had all of the old windows replaced and we had some of it insulated. (And note, I did not say reinsulated as my husband and I learned when we had AC installed that parts of the house had no insulation. Zilch.) More of this is on the way. Earlier this year, Arlington ran a very generous program that I am participating in where my home energy audit was subsidized and now I have up to $2,000 to redeem for energy improvements in my home. On the flip side, Arlington designates some homes as "green home choices" and I think this program is shockingly bad. After all, the house across the street from mine carries this designation (which I challenged). The house across the street is a newly constructed mini-mansion that was built only after knocking down a perfectly beautiful and functional home. Apparently, the act of tearing down a usable structure and hauling it to a dumpster doesn't count against installing energy efficient appliances. Uh, seriously? You tell me which impacts the environment in the long-run more. Even the short run!
I grow some veggies in my garden, belong to a CSA - something that is relatively easy for people in Arlington, and probably the whole metro area, given the large number of excellent farms around here. I'll be picking strawberries at this farm this weekend.
I once had a Thai au pair who would hop into the shower, get wet, turn the water off, do all her washing, and then turn the water back on to rinse. I have to admit, I'm not that dedicated. I like to stand under the hot water first thing in the morning. But I bet the entire year she lived with us she used less water on showering than my family does in a week.
But are these the things I should focus on? What’s the environmental smoking gun out there that, if everyone followed, would have a huge positive impact on our planet? Is there one? Is anyone looking for it? Does it even make sense to do the things I do on a regular basis or is it just a lost cause until my kids are older and I move into a small villa on the French countryside?
My friend Denise, always the environmental optimist, pointed out to me that if solar energy or other alternate energy sources were available, I’d convert. And certainly my parents did back in the 1970s with the Carter energy tax credits. Anyone know if this is a realistic possibility for future financing? Is the technology getting good enough that it ought to be widespread?
As I sit typing this post, my rain barrel is filling up, the lights have been lowered for the evening, and I’m eagerly awaiting your tips.
This is an original DCMetroMoms post. When Elaine isn’t fretting over her carbon footprint, she likes to immerse her kids in nature. She writes about it at Connor and Helen!
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Posted by ElaineMM on May 21, 2010 at 09:00 AM in Elaine | Permalink
Environment, children, conservation tips Comments
Sue @ Laundry for Six said...
I have loved this series! Honestly, I'm still trying to get over all the disposable diapers I have contributed to landfills over 10 years. MY environmental guilt is huge.
I don't have the answers, but I agree that little changes, when taken on by multitudes, DO make a big difference. Even CFL lightbulbs - if every household in America switched just one incandescent to a CFL is would prevent greenhouse gas emissions equal to those of 800,000 cars. (Of course there is the mercury issue... nothing is ever cut and dry, is it?)
I was reading the paper with my husband this morning and lamenting that there never seems to be enough money to invest in alternative energy sources to really get us far enough down the road to making them practical for most of America, and yet, how many BILLIONS of dollars is it going to take to clean up this oil spill in the Gulf? Imagine if all that money had gone into research for alternative fuels instead. (sigh)
Reply May 22, 2010 at 07:19 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Sue @ Laundry for Six...
Substantial investments in alternative energy could go far. My parents were among the relatively small number of people who benefited from the Carter-era tax credits for solar homes. As soon as Reagan came into office, he decided that all alternative energy investments would be in nuclear power, and there went the possibility for most home-owners to ever be able to afford solar. Ugh.
And I just want to cry at the oil spill. Cry.
Reply May 22, 2010 at 03:13 PM Thrift Store Mama said...
The idea that the house across the street from you can be designated as green absolutely incenses and angers me to no end. "Apparently, the act of tearing down a usable structure and hauling it to a dumpster doesn't count against installing energy efficient appliances." This is clearly a case where local government is missing the forest for the trees. or just stupid policies and regulations - maybe both !
Reply May 24, 2010 at 05:05 AM Steph @ Consignment Sale Queen said...
Wow, seasonal consignment sales saving Gas.... I never thought of that! :D
Reply May 24, 2010 at 08:40 PM
I could do something extreme and sell my home, downsize, and instantly reduce my carbon footprint. The trouble is, housing transaction costs are high. It’s not something you just do overnight. Plus, a move would threaten my sanity, and that’s something I don’t like to tinker with. It prompted the initial move.
So here’s what I do – which follows all those posts on DCMetroMoms that got me thinking about this topic in the first place. And that’s when I realize that I, too, am missing the forest for the trees.
My children wear almost exclusively used clothes. I buy and then later sell them at a local consignment sale. Doing this provides efficiencies in at least two ways. First, in only two trips each year, I’m able to purchase nearly all the clothes they’ll need for the coming two seasons. That’s collectively a lot of gas saved in errands I avoid. Second, I delay the eventual entry of these items into the trash heap. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to do this. My own son recently showed me his trick of sliding down a slipper slide on his knees. My thought? “Oh my goodness that’s hard on those jeans! No wonder I’m having such a hard time finding his size at the consignment sale.” I have a feeling he’ll be putting his share of holes in clothing in these next years.
Few of the toys in my home have a battery. As a friend of mine and I were agonizing over all of the environmental damage wreaked upon the Earth in the name of our children she practically cried “and the batteries”. Yahoo Answers assures me that tossing batteries out is bad, bad, bad. After all, lead, mercury, and cadmium from batteries not disposed of properly eventually find its way to the environment. I need to get a box for the few dead batteries generated in my house and at least make sure they get disposed of properly.
I visited a friend in my daughter’s playgroup not too long ago and learned that she never uses a plastic trash bag. Instead, she saves bags from items like carrots and celery, sorts her trash so that anything that is “yucky” gets placed in these bags, and then she tosses them out. I thought this represented some pretty fine resource usage. When I marveled at this over dessert one evening, another friend chimed in that she did the same thing. Luckily, Arlington provides incredible recycling resources, taking nearly everything I can think of in the recycling bin each week. I like that. I remember when I lived in DC over a decade ago and I had to drive my recycling (except for cans and glass bottles) to a parking lot every other week. What a pain. Please tell me this has improved by now.
I never, never, never get a bag when I purchase lunch. But I admit, it's because I work in DC and it costs a nickel for a bag. A NICKEL! I’m way too cheap to pay that, and it provides enough incentive for me to bring my own reusable bag. My husband is champion of all champions when it comes to bringing his reusable bags to the supermarket. I’m still working on that.
My children and I maintain a vegetarian lifestyle, as does my husband much of the time.
About a month after my family moved into our current house, we had all of the old windows replaced and we had some of it insulated. (And note, I did not say reinsulated as my husband and I learned when we had AC installed that parts of the house had no insulation. Zilch.) More of this is on the way. Earlier this year, Arlington ran a very generous program that I am participating in where my home energy audit was subsidized and now I have up to $2,000 to redeem for energy improvements in my home. On the flip side, Arlington designates some homes as "green home choices" and I think this program is shockingly bad. After all, the house across the street from mine carries this designation (which I challenged). The house across the street is a newly constructed mini-mansion that was built only after knocking down a perfectly beautiful and functional home. Apparently, the act of tearing down a usable structure and hauling it to a dumpster doesn't count against installing energy efficient appliances. Uh, seriously? You tell me which impacts the environment in the long-run more. Even the short run!
I grow some veggies in my garden, belong to a CSA - something that is relatively easy for people in Arlington, and probably the whole metro area, given the large number of excellent farms around here. I'll be picking strawberries at this farm this weekend.
I once had a Thai au pair who would hop into the shower, get wet, turn the water off, do all her washing, and then turn the water back on to rinse. I have to admit, I'm not that dedicated. I like to stand under the hot water first thing in the morning. But I bet the entire year she lived with us she used less water on showering than my family does in a week.
But are these the things I should focus on? What’s the environmental smoking gun out there that, if everyone followed, would have a huge positive impact on our planet? Is there one? Is anyone looking for it? Does it even make sense to do the things I do on a regular basis or is it just a lost cause until my kids are older and I move into a small villa on the French countryside?
My friend Denise, always the environmental optimist, pointed out to me that if solar energy or other alternate energy sources were available, I’d convert. And certainly my parents did back in the 1970s with the Carter energy tax credits. Anyone know if this is a realistic possibility for future financing? Is the technology getting good enough that it ought to be widespread?
As I sit typing this post, my rain barrel is filling up, the lights have been lowered for the evening, and I’m eagerly awaiting your tips.
This is an original DCMetroMoms post. When Elaine isn’t fretting over her carbon footprint, she likes to immerse her kids in nature. She writes about it at Connor and Helen!
Digg This! • Share on Facebook • Stumble It! • Add to del.icio.us • Sphere: Related Content • kirtsy this
ShareThis
Posted by ElaineMM on May 21, 2010 at 09:00 AM in Elaine | Permalink
Environment, children, conservation tips Comments
Sue @ Laundry for Six said...
I have loved this series! Honestly, I'm still trying to get over all the disposable diapers I have contributed to landfills over 10 years. MY environmental guilt is huge.
I don't have the answers, but I agree that little changes, when taken on by multitudes, DO make a big difference. Even CFL lightbulbs - if every household in America switched just one incandescent to a CFL is would prevent greenhouse gas emissions equal to those of 800,000 cars. (Of course there is the mercury issue... nothing is ever cut and dry, is it?)
I was reading the paper with my husband this morning and lamenting that there never seems to be enough money to invest in alternative energy sources to really get us far enough down the road to making them practical for most of America, and yet, how many BILLIONS of dollars is it going to take to clean up this oil spill in the Gulf? Imagine if all that money had gone into research for alternative fuels instead. (sigh)
Reply May 22, 2010 at 07:19 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Sue @ Laundry for Six...
Substantial investments in alternative energy could go far. My parents were among the relatively small number of people who benefited from the Carter-era tax credits for solar homes. As soon as Reagan came into office, he decided that all alternative energy investments would be in nuclear power, and there went the possibility for most home-owners to ever be able to afford solar. Ugh.
And I just want to cry at the oil spill. Cry.
Reply May 22, 2010 at 03:13 PM Thrift Store Mama said...
The idea that the house across the street from you can be designated as green absolutely incenses and angers me to no end. "Apparently, the act of tearing down a usable structure and hauling it to a dumpster doesn't count against installing energy efficient appliances." This is clearly a case where local government is missing the forest for the trees. or just stupid policies and regulations - maybe both !
Reply May 24, 2010 at 05:05 AM Steph @ Consignment Sale Queen said...
Wow, seasonal consignment sales saving Gas.... I never thought of that! :D
Reply May 24, 2010 at 08:40 PM
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
DCMM: Declaring War on the Earth: Part 2, The Big Move
As noted in the first post in this series, having children was akin to declaring war on the environment in my house. And adding a second child threw my somewhat simple life out of balance even more than the birth of the first. My hairdresser quipped while I was in her care one time that the second child can’t be as big a deal as the first. After all, you only lose your freedom once. But oh, how I beg to differ with her now. My second child has freed me to become an environmental disaster. And here’s why.
Up until my daughter was born, I lived in a 962 square foot house with my husband and then later, our son. It was a rambler with three bedrooms upstairs and another tucked away in the finished basement. The kitchen in that old house was what our realtor once termed a “one-butt kitchen”, for it was nearly impossible for more than one person to be in it at a time. Heck, we couldn’t even open the refrigerator and dishwasher at the same time, and it was impossible to get to our basement when the oven door was open. Problems abounded, but we made it work. It wasn’t that hard when there were only two adults in the house, and adding one child didn’t upset the balance that much.
And then came my daughter, and with her, the decision to get an au pair. Now all three bedrooms upstairs had a resident—my husband and I in one, my son in one, and my daughter in the third (because the thought of my daughter potentially waking my son—who has not always been the best of sleepers—at night was more than I could bear), the downstairs bedroom went to the au pair, and eventually, as we sat surrounded in baby and now toddler items, we decided to move. Now we live in a house that an energy auditor recently calculated has 3400 square foot of space. Our au pair has a great mini-apartment in our home, I rarely trip over toys because everything has a designated space, I can work from home whenever I want (that 5th bedroom is my office / guest room), the kids can actually join me in the kitchen cooking on their wooden stove while I prep dinner on my stove, and a sixth bedroom serves as a craft room (which I realize is not essential, but it does mean that I NEVER see craft detritus scattered throughout the house or worry about paint getting on someone’s bedroom walls…I love it).
Along the way, my son started attending pre-school five mornings each week, which prompted the purchase of a second car that my au pair uses to ferry my daughter about town and to pick-up my son from pre-school on days she’s with the kids. My husband takes the other car into work most days as he drops our son off on his way.
It’s a convenient life, for sure, designed to pack in as much time to just hang out together rather than being stressed out over misplaced items or extending anyone's individual commute. For possibly the first time in my life, everything around me feels organized, and it really puts me in a good frame of mind. But dear Mother Earth, forgive me my carbon footprint.
I love my house. I could get by with a smaller one, but it would mean I’d give up some of the spaces that have ultimately alleviated stress. I do, however, dream of being so efficient some day that I can live like Gary Chang! But don’t think I’ve totally thrown in the towel on this one even now. I know there’s lots more I can do. Next up: Declaring War on the Earth: Part 3, Should We Sweat the Small Stuff? And let’s talk about how we can minimize our footprint! (And no, solutions do not include getting rid of my daughter, because for as much carbon as I have used in her name, she brings more joy to this Earth than anyone who hasn't met her could possibly imagine.)
When Elaine is not pondering how she can reduce her carbon footprint, she records her children's lives at Connor and Helen!
Up until my daughter was born, I lived in a 962 square foot house with my husband and then later, our son. It was a rambler with three bedrooms upstairs and another tucked away in the finished basement. The kitchen in that old house was what our realtor once termed a “one-butt kitchen”, for it was nearly impossible for more than one person to be in it at a time. Heck, we couldn’t even open the refrigerator and dishwasher at the same time, and it was impossible to get to our basement when the oven door was open. Problems abounded, but we made it work. It wasn’t that hard when there were only two adults in the house, and adding one child didn’t upset the balance that much.
And then came my daughter, and with her, the decision to get an au pair. Now all three bedrooms upstairs had a resident—my husband and I in one, my son in one, and my daughter in the third (because the thought of my daughter potentially waking my son—who has not always been the best of sleepers—at night was more than I could bear), the downstairs bedroom went to the au pair, and eventually, as we sat surrounded in baby and now toddler items, we decided to move. Now we live in a house that an energy auditor recently calculated has 3400 square foot of space. Our au pair has a great mini-apartment in our home, I rarely trip over toys because everything has a designated space, I can work from home whenever I want (that 5th bedroom is my office / guest room), the kids can actually join me in the kitchen cooking on their wooden stove while I prep dinner on my stove, and a sixth bedroom serves as a craft room (which I realize is not essential, but it does mean that I NEVER see craft detritus scattered throughout the house or worry about paint getting on someone’s bedroom walls…I love it).
Along the way, my son started attending pre-school five mornings each week, which prompted the purchase of a second car that my au pair uses to ferry my daughter about town and to pick-up my son from pre-school on days she’s with the kids. My husband takes the other car into work most days as he drops our son off on his way.
It’s a convenient life, for sure, designed to pack in as much time to just hang out together rather than being stressed out over misplaced items or extending anyone's individual commute. For possibly the first time in my life, everything around me feels organized, and it really puts me in a good frame of mind. But dear Mother Earth, forgive me my carbon footprint.
I love my house. I could get by with a smaller one, but it would mean I’d give up some of the spaces that have ultimately alleviated stress. I do, however, dream of being so efficient some day that I can live like Gary Chang! But don’t think I’ve totally thrown in the towel on this one even now. I know there’s lots more I can do. Next up: Declaring War on the Earth: Part 3, Should We Sweat the Small Stuff? And let’s talk about how we can minimize our footprint! (And no, solutions do not include getting rid of my daughter, because for as much carbon as I have used in her name, she brings more joy to this Earth than anyone who hasn't met her could possibly imagine.)
When Elaine is not pondering how she can reduce her carbon footprint, she records her children's lives at Connor and Helen!
Friday, May 7, 2010
DCMM: Declaring War on the Earth: Part 1, The Baby Arrives
A friend of mine put it pretty succinctly a few weeks ago. The day my first child was born was the day I declared war on the Earth. And I doubled down when my second came along. True, that first child who is now four wouldn’t consider tossing a piece of paper in the garbage, nor would he ever throw away a plastic recycle-able. He knows that the water he can use for his outdoor projects comes from our rain barrel, not the regular hose. And he’s certainly not afraid to tell his two-year old sibling “Helen! You can’t leave the water running. We might run out someday!”. Ok, it was a simplistic explanation of why it makes me insane to see water running in the house when it’s not being used, but it works. At least for my son. I’ve even seen him tell my husband, our au pair, and visitors about what can and cannot be recycled, referring to the pictures on our refrigerator. He’s not afraid to go fishing in the trashcan if he finds a misplaced object.
Kudos to all the Earth friendly moms out there. As witnessed by all the Earth Day posts, it's clear many parents are doing a lot to live earth-friendly lives - and teaching their kids to do the same, daily. But I can't help but wonder, are we missing the forest for the trees? Prior to having children, my husband and I kept the furnace low, and when it got cold, we reminded ourselves that Jimmy Carter had advised folks to put on another sweater. If he could do it in the White House, we could surely do it too. Likewise, in the summer we rarely used our AC, preferring instead to hang out in our basement and sleep in a bedroom tucked away down there, affectionately termed our “summer bedroom”. My husband and I biked to work almost daily, had one car that didn’t do much more than take us on weekend trips and to the grocery store. When gas prices started rising, we didn’t have cause to take notice. For the life of us, we couldn’t understand why Arlington County issued such large trash bins. If ours was filled more than one-third, it surprised us.
But oh, how life has changed with kids.
True we started out with our son in our bedroom downstairs, but eventually, we decided to put our son in his own room. On went the AC as we moved to the main floor of the house where we could sleep in the room across from my son. Good-bye, summer bedroom. We turned up the heat in the winter, because we were advised by multiple sources that we shouldn’t be piling a bunch of blankets on our infant who could barely move. Oh, it was comfortable in that house, the whole year round, it was comfortable! Friends who before would be offered a blanket and sweatshirt from my husband and I suddenly felt like a trip to our house was a vacation.
That car that used to sit in the driveway? Now it went to the pediatrician, the Reston Zoo, the National Zoo, the very cool waterpark. To paraphrase Dr. Seuss, Oh the Places We Went! And did you see the trashcan? We received so many items from friends and family after the birth of our son that the UPS guy actually got to know me well enough that he would just bring the packages right inside my house. And frankly, I was grateful not only for all the gifts but for the opportunity to exchange a few words with an adult. I’m praying that I will be forgiven my four years of tossing out of so many disposable diapers – two for each of my children. (We considered the cloth scene, but then we’d be using the washing machine nonstop.)
Ultimately, we found ourselves with a lot more money than time after our son was born. And this led to a lot more packaging and energy use than existed in our child-free years. True, we were able to make most of our baby food, but eventually sleep deprivation set in, and we succumbed to those ever-so-convenient pre-packaged foods. When I started working again, I needed to be home on time for the nanny, which ultimately meant more car trips into the office, rather than worry about the metro. And biking? Well, until recently, I just didn’t have the energy.
It’s been a big change in our life, and the addition of a second child and an au pair have exaggerated these not so earth-friendly changes. Next up: Declaring War on the Earth: Part 2, The Big Move.
This is an original DC Metro Moms blog post. When Elaine is not feeling guilty about her impact on the environment, she records her children’s lives at Connor and Helen!
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Posted by ElaineMM on May 07, 2010 at 02:00 AM in Elaine | Permalink
Children and the Environment, recycling, children's impact on Earth Comments
Vickie said...
Haha. We didn't have a dishwasher in DC, so when Teo was born we used up a LOT of paper plates and plastic cups. I am not quite sure our being carless (since we moved here 8 years ago) is enough to make up for how much our 2 kids have added to landfills.
Reply May 07, 2010 at 08:44 AM Sue @ Laundry for Six said...
Enemies of the Environment... I know! The same thing happens here.
Kudos to all the Earth friendly moms out there. As witnessed by all the Earth Day posts, it's clear many parents are doing a lot to live earth-friendly lives - and teaching their kids to do the same, daily. But I can't help but wonder, are we missing the forest for the trees? Prior to having children, my husband and I kept the furnace low, and when it got cold, we reminded ourselves that Jimmy Carter had advised folks to put on another sweater. If he could do it in the White House, we could surely do it too. Likewise, in the summer we rarely used our AC, preferring instead to hang out in our basement and sleep in a bedroom tucked away down there, affectionately termed our “summer bedroom”. My husband and I biked to work almost daily, had one car that didn’t do much more than take us on weekend trips and to the grocery store. When gas prices started rising, we didn’t have cause to take notice. For the life of us, we couldn’t understand why Arlington County issued such large trash bins. If ours was filled more than one-third, it surprised us.
But oh, how life has changed with kids.
True we started out with our son in our bedroom downstairs, but eventually, we decided to put our son in his own room. On went the AC as we moved to the main floor of the house where we could sleep in the room across from my son. Good-bye, summer bedroom. We turned up the heat in the winter, because we were advised by multiple sources that we shouldn’t be piling a bunch of blankets on our infant who could barely move. Oh, it was comfortable in that house, the whole year round, it was comfortable! Friends who before would be offered a blanket and sweatshirt from my husband and I suddenly felt like a trip to our house was a vacation.
That car that used to sit in the driveway? Now it went to the pediatrician, the Reston Zoo, the National Zoo, the very cool waterpark. To paraphrase Dr. Seuss, Oh the Places We Went! And did you see the trashcan? We received so many items from friends and family after the birth of our son that the UPS guy actually got to know me well enough that he would just bring the packages right inside my house. And frankly, I was grateful not only for all the gifts but for the opportunity to exchange a few words with an adult. I’m praying that I will be forgiven my four years of tossing out of so many disposable diapers – two for each of my children. (We considered the cloth scene, but then we’d be using the washing machine nonstop.)
Ultimately, we found ourselves with a lot more money than time after our son was born. And this led to a lot more packaging and energy use than existed in our child-free years. True, we were able to make most of our baby food, but eventually sleep deprivation set in, and we succumbed to those ever-so-convenient pre-packaged foods. When I started working again, I needed to be home on time for the nanny, which ultimately meant more car trips into the office, rather than worry about the metro. And biking? Well, until recently, I just didn’t have the energy.
It’s been a big change in our life, and the addition of a second child and an au pair have exaggerated these not so earth-friendly changes. Next up: Declaring War on the Earth: Part 2, The Big Move.
This is an original DC Metro Moms blog post. When Elaine is not feeling guilty about her impact on the environment, she records her children’s lives at Connor and Helen!
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Posted by ElaineMM on May 07, 2010 at 02:00 AM in Elaine | Permalink
Children and the Environment, recycling, children's impact on Earth Comments
Vickie said...
Haha. We didn't have a dishwasher in DC, so when Teo was born we used up a LOT of paper plates and plastic cups. I am not quite sure our being carless (since we moved here 8 years ago) is enough to make up for how much our 2 kids have added to landfills.
Reply May 07, 2010 at 08:44 AM Sue @ Laundry for Six said...
Enemies of the Environment... I know! The same thing happens here.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
DCMM: Shouldn’t Summer Be for Taking a Break?
Recent high temperatures in the area make me all too aware that soon, summer will be here for good. Most area parents awoke from their winter’s slumber when the announcements for camp started arriving daily in their mailboxes around January.
At my own home, I received notice of a camp at Monkey Business – a Falls Church business where my daughter has attended classes; the zoo – we’re long-time members but have yet to take a class there since sibling interlopers were discouraged from attending the class that made the most sense for my older child; Arlington County – oh the choices!; Adventure Theatre – where my son, daughter, and I have a partial season ticket; Classika Theatre – where my son and I see shows occasionally; and a few others that I’m not recalling right now. Each ad promised an enriching experience for my children. That, and a day packed full of fun – and learning! I read each ad, thought about it, generally thought about how cool it sounded, and then thought about my own childhood memories of summer.
I don’t know if we didn’t have summer camp when I was young, or if my parents just didn’t think it was important. As far as I can recall, I spent one week each summer at Kansas State University Family Camp with my family and one week each summer at Camp Daisy Hindman with other area girl scouts. I remember the archery range, the snack bar, making ice cream sundaes, and complaining about the outdoor toilets. I also remember hiking, wading through creeks (my sister’s troop is still legendary for going so far upstream that State Troopers had to bring them back), and feeling so free. But beyond these two places, I have no memory of camp. Instead, my million memories of summer all center around one location: the neighborhood swim club.
Thinking about it now though, I can name only one of my son’s friends who won’t attend several weeks of camp this summer. And I wonder if that’s what’s best for our children? Sure, we live in a place with fabulous summer offerings. But shouldn’t there be one time a year when kids can just be kids? Are we shortchanging our children by giving them so few choices over how to spend their time that their creativity ends up being stifled? Sometimes, as working parents, we don’t have the luxury of giving our children nothing to do. We go to our jobs, our children need to be in the hands of an adult. It’s a convenient relationship, for sure.
But even as I ponder how wonderful each summer program could be, I am reminded of Richard Louv’s book "Last Child in the Woods". He points out that rather than computer camps and space camps, and every other kind of camp, children need unstructured time in the woods. And the woods needs the children too. For how else can we expect our children to protect this Earth when they don’t even see it as part of their lives?
But don’t think I’m totally immune to the idea of camp. In this rather comprehensive list of summer camps compiled by a local mom, one stands out for me. It’s the summer camp being offered at Potomac Crescent Waldorf School (where my son attends school). Two weeks, that's it. There will be lots of unstructured outdoor time, and I already know from last year, he’ll come home exhausted and dirty (things I look for in children’s activities). I checked with the administrator there this morning, and a few spots remain.
The summer I was pregnant with my son, my husband and I walked to our local swim club and signed up to be members. And not a moment too soon, given the wait list. Thankfully, we’ve secured our spot at the pool, but if we hadn’t, we’d go to the slightly less convenient Upton Hills public pool. We'll spend our summer hiking through Lacey Woods Park, splashing in the creeks at Long Branch or Gulf Branch Nature Centers, and playing at the pool. You might even see my four year old jumping off the board— a feat he perfected last year!
With all that going on, who has time for camp?
When Elaine is not cleaning dirt off her kids' clothes, she writes about them getting dirty on her personal blog. Special thank to her friend Thrift Store Mama, for the photo.
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Posted by ElaineMM on April 22, 2010 at 02:00 AM in Elaine | Permalink
Comments
Jenn said...
I think camps are so popular because parents work. I went to camp as a kid because my parents had to have somewhere to put me during the day. If you don't work, then, yeah, let your kids be kids. But most families have two working parents and so if you have to put them somewhere, you might as well put them somewhere that sounds really fun.
Reply April 22, 2010 at 05:49 AM ElaineMM said...
I agree, Jenn, we're always choosing the best possible settings for our children. But I wonder if there couldn't be more free-form, non-themed, just general play "camps" set up for kids to explore in, rather than camp coordinators thinking they need an educational hook into the programs they run.
Reply April 22, 2010 at 07:05 AM Jessica C. said...
If I had family around or a reliable and inexpensive babysitter, I'd love to just take a break from activities and do fun stuff. But I can't go for two months without childcare or my son would end up sitting in front of the TV while I tried to keep up on work and volunteer responsibilities. I suck at providing rhythm when there is absolutely no imposed structure, so I'd rather we have some stuff to hang our hat on. He's a social kid who doesn't yet have a sibling, so a day without playing with other kids is incomplete in his book. He's constantly asking me about the camps we did last summer and when he gets to go back.
I hope that when we are a family of four we can create more meaningful stuff to do on our own. But this summer, while mama is gonna be big with child, little boy is signed up for 4 weeks of programs.
Reply April 22, 2010 at 07:36 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Jessica C....
That's such an important point! When my mom left my sister and I at home, we had close neighbors and in many cases, extended family around. What a difference that must have made!
And, don't get me wrong, I'm not questioning whether kids have fun in the various camps they attend. I'm questioning whether it's the best use of their time.
I suspect you already create lots of meaningful stuff with your family.
Reply April 26, 2010 at 07:18 AM Gunfighter said...
My youngest will be going to soccer camp, Amusement park camp, two weeks of Girl Scout camp, a week-long trip (with mommy) to visit the grandparents, and Vacation Bible Camp. She is going to have a great summer full of activities that she can only have because mommy and daddy spend their week days busting their humps for uncle sam.
The last two weeks of summer, we will all be together for two weeks with Mickey Mouse in Florida.
Big fun!
I remember the free-form summers of my youth... my mom went to work, and the three of us basically took care of ourselves. I sort of wish I had the kind of summer that my kids have had
Reply April 23, 2010 at 07:57 AM Helen said...
I'm betting I'm the friend with the kid not attending a summer camp. :)
Reply April 26, 2010 at 07:14 AM ElaineMM said...
Yes, that is the distinction I give you. Although now that I think about it, I think you recently emailed about some music company? Maybe I'm wrong?
Reply April 26, 2010 at 07:16 AM Helen said in reply to ElaineMM...
Hmmm. I don't remember sending any emails about camps. And neither of them is going to any camp this summer.
But if you hear about any camps for toddlers that teach the under-three-feet set to STOP SCREAMING, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, well, please do tell me, because my toddler could use such a camp.
Reply April 26, 2010 at 10:13 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Helen...
Ha! That would be the useful camp eery. And it would be fully subscribed before I even knew it existed.
At my own home, I received notice of a camp at Monkey Business – a Falls Church business where my daughter has attended classes; the zoo – we’re long-time members but have yet to take a class there since sibling interlopers were discouraged from attending the class that made the most sense for my older child; Arlington County – oh the choices!; Adventure Theatre – where my son, daughter, and I have a partial season ticket; Classika Theatre – where my son and I see shows occasionally; and a few others that I’m not recalling right now. Each ad promised an enriching experience for my children. That, and a day packed full of fun – and learning! I read each ad, thought about it, generally thought about how cool it sounded, and then thought about my own childhood memories of summer.
I don’t know if we didn’t have summer camp when I was young, or if my parents just didn’t think it was important. As far as I can recall, I spent one week each summer at Kansas State University Family Camp with my family and one week each summer at Camp Daisy Hindman with other area girl scouts. I remember the archery range, the snack bar, making ice cream sundaes, and complaining about the outdoor toilets. I also remember hiking, wading through creeks (my sister’s troop is still legendary for going so far upstream that State Troopers had to bring them back), and feeling so free. But beyond these two places, I have no memory of camp. Instead, my million memories of summer all center around one location: the neighborhood swim club.
Thinking about it now though, I can name only one of my son’s friends who won’t attend several weeks of camp this summer. And I wonder if that’s what’s best for our children? Sure, we live in a place with fabulous summer offerings. But shouldn’t there be one time a year when kids can just be kids? Are we shortchanging our children by giving them so few choices over how to spend their time that their creativity ends up being stifled? Sometimes, as working parents, we don’t have the luxury of giving our children nothing to do. We go to our jobs, our children need to be in the hands of an adult. It’s a convenient relationship, for sure.
But even as I ponder how wonderful each summer program could be, I am reminded of Richard Louv’s book "Last Child in the Woods". He points out that rather than computer camps and space camps, and every other kind of camp, children need unstructured time in the woods. And the woods needs the children too. For how else can we expect our children to protect this Earth when they don’t even see it as part of their lives?
But don’t think I’m totally immune to the idea of camp. In this rather comprehensive list of summer camps compiled by a local mom, one stands out for me. It’s the summer camp being offered at Potomac Crescent Waldorf School (where my son attends school). Two weeks, that's it. There will be lots of unstructured outdoor time, and I already know from last year, he’ll come home exhausted and dirty (things I look for in children’s activities). I checked with the administrator there this morning, and a few spots remain.
The summer I was pregnant with my son, my husband and I walked to our local swim club and signed up to be members. And not a moment too soon, given the wait list. Thankfully, we’ve secured our spot at the pool, but if we hadn’t, we’d go to the slightly less convenient Upton Hills public pool. We'll spend our summer hiking through Lacey Woods Park, splashing in the creeks at Long Branch or Gulf Branch Nature Centers, and playing at the pool. You might even see my four year old jumping off the board— a feat he perfected last year!
With all that going on, who has time for camp?
When Elaine is not cleaning dirt off her kids' clothes, she writes about them getting dirty on her personal blog. Special thank to her friend Thrift Store Mama, for the photo.
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Posted by ElaineMM on April 22, 2010 at 02:00 AM in Elaine | Permalink
Comments
Jenn said...
I think camps are so popular because parents work. I went to camp as a kid because my parents had to have somewhere to put me during the day. If you don't work, then, yeah, let your kids be kids. But most families have two working parents and so if you have to put them somewhere, you might as well put them somewhere that sounds really fun.
Reply April 22, 2010 at 05:49 AM ElaineMM said...
I agree, Jenn, we're always choosing the best possible settings for our children. But I wonder if there couldn't be more free-form, non-themed, just general play "camps" set up for kids to explore in, rather than camp coordinators thinking they need an educational hook into the programs they run.
Reply April 22, 2010 at 07:05 AM Jessica C. said...
If I had family around or a reliable and inexpensive babysitter, I'd love to just take a break from activities and do fun stuff. But I can't go for two months without childcare or my son would end up sitting in front of the TV while I tried to keep up on work and volunteer responsibilities. I suck at providing rhythm when there is absolutely no imposed structure, so I'd rather we have some stuff to hang our hat on. He's a social kid who doesn't yet have a sibling, so a day without playing with other kids is incomplete in his book. He's constantly asking me about the camps we did last summer and when he gets to go back.
I hope that when we are a family of four we can create more meaningful stuff to do on our own. But this summer, while mama is gonna be big with child, little boy is signed up for 4 weeks of programs.
Reply April 22, 2010 at 07:36 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Jessica C....
That's such an important point! When my mom left my sister and I at home, we had close neighbors and in many cases, extended family around. What a difference that must have made!
And, don't get me wrong, I'm not questioning whether kids have fun in the various camps they attend. I'm questioning whether it's the best use of their time.
I suspect you already create lots of meaningful stuff with your family.
Reply April 26, 2010 at 07:18 AM Gunfighter said...
My youngest will be going to soccer camp, Amusement park camp, two weeks of Girl Scout camp, a week-long trip (with mommy) to visit the grandparents, and Vacation Bible Camp. She is going to have a great summer full of activities that she can only have because mommy and daddy spend their week days busting their humps for uncle sam.
The last two weeks of summer, we will all be together for two weeks with Mickey Mouse in Florida.
Big fun!
I remember the free-form summers of my youth... my mom went to work, and the three of us basically took care of ourselves. I sort of wish I had the kind of summer that my kids have had
Reply April 23, 2010 at 07:57 AM Helen said...
I'm betting I'm the friend with the kid not attending a summer camp. :)
Reply April 26, 2010 at 07:14 AM ElaineMM said...
Yes, that is the distinction I give you. Although now that I think about it, I think you recently emailed about some music company? Maybe I'm wrong?
Reply April 26, 2010 at 07:16 AM Helen said in reply to ElaineMM...
Hmmm. I don't remember sending any emails about camps. And neither of them is going to any camp this summer.
But if you hear about any camps for toddlers that teach the under-three-feet set to STOP SCREAMING, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, well, please do tell me, because my toddler could use such a camp.
Reply April 26, 2010 at 10:13 AM ElaineMM said in reply to Helen...
Ha! That would be the useful camp eery. And it would be fully subscribed before I even knew it existed.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
DCMM: Rules of the Road
I commuted by bike from Arlington to DC almost daily for work through my 8th month of pregnancy with my older son. And I only stopped biking then because it was mid-July and the temps were busting 100, requiring me to stop and drink what felt like gallons of water and take breaks to the point that it no longer seemed an efficient way to travel. As a daily commuter, I learned the rules of the bike trail well--especially those in effect during rush hour, and even now, when I only recently began commuting via bike again (almost 5 years later!), I remember them. In case you're new to our extensive network of local trails, or wondering why some biker is cursing you with your stroller, I thought I'd fill you in.
Stay to the right, unless you are passing.
Signal that you are passing to whomever you are passing (and I assure you, adding 25 pounds of pregnant belly weight can make for a very fast downhill ride, as your husband trails you wondering why the heck you are all of a sudden a much faster morning rider than he is).
If you are being passed, a courtesy wave to the person trying to pass is a nice gesture of recognition, as is a further scootch to the right of the path.
Never, under any circumstances, be confused that your ride/walk includes a leisurely chat with your riding/walking partner. You have exactly one goal - to get to work in one piece. And if that's not your goal, know that it is the goal of others.
A recent trip to Key West reminded me that old habits die hard. My husband and I opted to leave the car seats at home, and instead rent bikes with child seats as our primary means of transportation. Key West is perfect for this, because a nice, wide bike trail circles the island and the cars drive carefully, watching out for erratic tourists on bikes. The downside is (and we run into this whenever we bring our bikes to Chincoteague or any other tourist destination as well) is that the trail is loaded with tourists, rather than commuters. This means that people often ride in pairs, side-by-side. As my husband and I close in on an unsuspecting cyclist, needing to pass, we shout the customary DC bike signal "on your left", and usually get either no response, or the person already crossing the center line veers even further to the left trying to hear what we said. At best, it's annoying. At worst, it's dangerous.
As summer approaches, I can't help but be reminded that the occasional mom will take advantage of the mid-morning break from the heat and find herself pushing a jogging stroller on the bike trail, often with Ipod in ears. At some point, she might reach around the stroller to insert a dislodged paci or offer a sippy cup. And when she does, I'll have the same feeling as I do in Key West.
Move to the right. It works best for everyone. I'll be sure to extend my thanks, when I pass you.
When not running people off the road as she rushes into work on her bike, Elaine blogs about her two children at Connor and Helen Grow Up!
This is an original DCMetroMoms blog post.
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Posted by ElaineMM on April 14, 2010 at 05:00 AM in Elaine | Permalink
Biking in DC, Comments
Thrift Store Mama said...
Very funny post ! Although I'm not a frequent bike rider now, I used to be a weekend bike rider, and loved calling out "on your left !"
Reply April 14, 2010 at 05:34 AM The Lowe said...
Sad to say I hear 'on yer left' more than I say it.
(Great to see you posting here)
Reply April 14, 2010 at 05:54 AM Helen said...
Great post!
Reply April 14, 2010 at 06:05 AM Sue @ Laundry for Six said...
Great post - I am in awe of your biking skilz! My husband rides to work in the summer but it makes me nervous because I have two former co-workers who were nearly killed commuting on bikes. Both were riding in the street which is what he has to do too for part of the ride. Car commuters totally don't look out for bikes.
Your rules remind me of something I wish was also posted on Metro for the inevitable tourist vs. commuter conflicts... blocking the doors, standing on the left side of the escalator... I feel a post coming on.
Stay to the right, unless you are passing.
Signal that you are passing to whomever you are passing (and I assure you, adding 25 pounds of pregnant belly weight can make for a very fast downhill ride, as your husband trails you wondering why the heck you are all of a sudden a much faster morning rider than he is).
If you are being passed, a courtesy wave to the person trying to pass is a nice gesture of recognition, as is a further scootch to the right of the path.
Never, under any circumstances, be confused that your ride/walk includes a leisurely chat with your riding/walking partner. You have exactly one goal - to get to work in one piece. And if that's not your goal, know that it is the goal of others.
A recent trip to Key West reminded me that old habits die hard. My husband and I opted to leave the car seats at home, and instead rent bikes with child seats as our primary means of transportation. Key West is perfect for this, because a nice, wide bike trail circles the island and the cars drive carefully, watching out for erratic tourists on bikes. The downside is (and we run into this whenever we bring our bikes to Chincoteague or any other tourist destination as well) is that the trail is loaded with tourists, rather than commuters. This means that people often ride in pairs, side-by-side. As my husband and I close in on an unsuspecting cyclist, needing to pass, we shout the customary DC bike signal "on your left", and usually get either no response, or the person already crossing the center line veers even further to the left trying to hear what we said. At best, it's annoying. At worst, it's dangerous.
As summer approaches, I can't help but be reminded that the occasional mom will take advantage of the mid-morning break from the heat and find herself pushing a jogging stroller on the bike trail, often with Ipod in ears. At some point, she might reach around the stroller to insert a dislodged paci or offer a sippy cup. And when she does, I'll have the same feeling as I do in Key West.
Move to the right. It works best for everyone. I'll be sure to extend my thanks, when I pass you.
When not running people off the road as she rushes into work on her bike, Elaine blogs about her two children at Connor and Helen Grow Up!
This is an original DCMetroMoms blog post.
Digg This! • Share on Facebook • Stumble It! • Add to del.icio.us • Sphere: Related Content • kirtsy this
ShareThis
Posted by ElaineMM on April 14, 2010 at 05:00 AM in Elaine | Permalink
Biking in DC, Comments
Thrift Store Mama said...
Very funny post ! Although I'm not a frequent bike rider now, I used to be a weekend bike rider, and loved calling out "on your left !"
Reply April 14, 2010 at 05:34 AM The Lowe said...
Sad to say I hear 'on yer left' more than I say it.
(Great to see you posting here)
Reply April 14, 2010 at 05:54 AM Helen said...
Great post!
Reply April 14, 2010 at 06:05 AM Sue @ Laundry for Six said...
Great post - I am in awe of your biking skilz! My husband rides to work in the summer but it makes me nervous because I have two former co-workers who were nearly killed commuting on bikes. Both were riding in the street which is what he has to do too for part of the ride. Car commuters totally don't look out for bikes.
Your rules remind me of something I wish was also posted on Metro for the inevitable tourist vs. commuter conflicts... blocking the doors, standing on the left side of the escalator... I feel a post coming on.
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