I do not like tunnel slides. I feel like I always get bruised in them by ramming into a wall. I don't like the feeling of not being able to escape.
So when Connor first tried to lure me down a tunnel slide, probably about 6 years ago, I said "No. My bottom is too big. It will get stuck.". Noting the seriousness of such a situation, both of my children have spent their lives agreeing that I should not attempt a tunnel slide.
Many times on the playground, they have said "don't ask Mommy! Her bottom will get stuck.". Many a mother on the playground has looked at me and started to defend my bottom, thinking my children were being extremely rude. I would always look at them and say "I hate those things. I believe there is a good chance my bottom will get stuck. I do not go on tunnel slides."
Today, we were at Chuck-E-Cheese and Helen wanted to crawl through the tunnels. Feeling it was the lesser of all evils surrounding me, I joined her. When we got to the slide, Helen reminded me that my bottom might get stuck.
"Yes, Helen, that would be a problem. Maybe I should just crawl back down the other way."
And then, in a burst of intellectual energy, Helen said "wait, Mom, turn around and try and stick your bottom just a little way down. I'll let you know if it looks like it'll get stuck."
I performed the maneuver. By this time, Connor had joined us. He and Helen pondered the situation seriously, and finally pronounced that they thought there was a pretty good chance I could go down the slide without my bottom getting stuck.
And then Helen helpfully said "Don't worry, Mom. If you get stuck, Connor and I will come down behind you and shove you out!"
Thankfully, no children had to push my bottom down the slide!