From Left to Write Book Club: The Stuff That Never Happened, by Maddie Dawson

I loved reading “The Stuff That Never Happened”, by Maddie Dawson. It was suitably juicy story – girl meets guy, marries him, following him across the country, falls in love with someone else — it made me want to figure out the ending, and there’s a birth in there which, while not a necessary component to favorite books of mine, definitely doesn’t hurt. This birth reminded me that while I still don’t think babies are good for marriages, births, most definitely, are. Part of the book is about figuring out who the protagonist loves, and if it’s possible to love more than one person. It made me think of the concept of soul mates – that person whom each of us shares a deep and natural affinity for.

Many years ago, Ed and I were sitting in the Drafthouse watching a movie in Arlington, Virginia. Ed makes two distinct remarks every time we go to this theatre. First, “the service sucks” and second, the pizza crust tastes like “fuckin’ Bisquick”. The first comment can be interpreted as, “the waitress didn’t take his beer order fast enough”, and that’s a matter of judgment. It really isn’t worth discussing. We like the place because you can watch a cheap movie while enjoying dinner and a drink. It seems like a much more social way to see a movie than the traditional sitting next to each other silently.

The second comment is a little harder to understand. As a former New Yorker, Ed cares about things like pizza crust. I’m from Kansas, so not only do I not really care about pizza crust, I don’t take it as an insult when it is compared to Bisquick. As lobbed by Ed, it most certainly is an insult. And yes, there are other items on the menu, and yes, since we last went to this theatre on any regular basis, the menu has been revamped entirely.

During this particular visit, the lights went low, and in walked two women, who sat next to us. It was dark, we really didn’t get a good look at them. As these women waited to place their order, one of them muttered “the service sucks”. Finally, her order was taken and as soon as her food was delivered, she bit into her pizza and practically spat out “this pizza crust tastes like fuckin’ Bisquick”. I nearly fell off my chair I was laughing so hard. So I sat there, telling Ed “OMG – DID YOU HEAR THAT? DID YOU, DID YOU?” and he laughed a little, but mostly took it as validation for his own ridiculous comments, remarking along the lines of “see, I TOLD YOU SO”. I told him right there, “clearly, this woman is your soulmate. You cannot let her leave the movie theatre without asking her out on a date. Please, do not let me stand in your way.” I am confident that we were not yet married, I’m not sure if we were engaged, but I know we were living together so there was some pretty significant level of commitment between Ed and me.

The movie credits started playing, and just as I was preparing to lay eyes on Ed’s soul mate, she disappeared from the theatre under the cover of darkness, just as she had entered. Despite my urging, Ed did not go chasing after her, and he never did discover who his soul mate was.

Sometimes when Ed is in a particularly grumbly, New York state of mind, I like to remind him that he could’ve run off with his Bisquick Hating Pizza Crust soul mate and they could’ve spent their lives complaining about ridiculous things, making each other happy in that “only happy if you’re miserable sort of way”. But of course, Ed knows better than that, and the hallmark trait of a soul mate is probably not a complaint in common. Which is why, next month, Ed and I will celebrate 12 years of being together. Happy almost anniverary, Ed.

Love,
Elaine

As a member of the "From Left to Write" book club, I was given a complimentary copy of this book. I was not required to write about the book. I enjoyed reading the book and am now passing it along to my friend Thrift Store Mama. I loved having the chance to record this story for Helen and Connor to laugh at later.