Monday, May 26, 2008


Several years ago, Ed created a spreadsheet titled "retire at 50". As is likely obvious, the point of the spreadsheet was to make varying assumptions about post-retirement life and based on those assumptions, calculate how much he needed to save each year in order to, as the name suggested, retire at 50. He was motivated enough that even before we were married, he subsidized my retirement savings in order to maximize all potential tax benefits. Sugar Daddy, I tell ya.

An important part of the spreadsheet was to keep expenses under control, and this menat not paying several thousand dollars a year for child care. But, uh, then we decided to have Connor, and now Helen, and yeah - that part of the spreadsheet? We are not doing a very good job with it. The goal to retire at 50 still seems like a good one though, so we've implemented two measures to help meet our goal. I started playing the lottery more regularly, and Ed has decided to train at least one of our children to be a professional athlete. I think golf might be Connor's sport, but Ed has other ideas.

Ed started t-ball training with Connor this weekend. With his physique, I'm thinking shortstop might be his best bet. He runs everywhere he goes, so he could develop pretty good speed around the base path. He's also pretty agile, avoiding stepping on many of the toys he leaves strewn about the house daily. He intuitively seems to know how to slide (he does it regularly at the end of the hall, anyway), and he's shown a penchant for commando moves running from his bedroom to mine, which will surely translate into a few stolen bases.

So, with a tee constructed of random things lying around in the shed, Ed instructed Connor on the finer points of hitting a baseball. At first, I believe Ed was holding the ball, but he quickly realized this was a very dangerous proposition with a wild hitting toddler.

No matter. True to Connor's contrarian nature, he soon announced he did not need the tee. After all, they don't use it when we go to the baseball games, do they?!?

Because I suspect it's probably a little early for Ed to be tossing the ball at Connor and having him hit it, Connor takes care of business on his own. He tosses the ball in the air with one hand and tries to hit it with the bat held in the other hand.

He pretty much has the toss the ball in the air portion of the event down pat. It's everything that follows that's a bit shaky. But sometimes, the stars align just right and he actually hits the ball, which is pretty exciting to everyone. In a couple of years, Connor should be able to put his skills to good use on a Little League team. Ed and I are very excited about this as we have plans to sponsor the team with our basement bar "Grateful Ed's". The team may not be the best, but their tie-dye shirts will most definitely be the coolest. We haven't yet come up with a team name, but surely we'll be able to come up with something in the next couple of years. Come on, admit it, you totally want your kid on Connor's team now, right?

And Helen? Where was Helen during all of this? Probably napping. You see, Helen does not yet posess Connor's motivation. And frankly, as the person who chases after Connor most frequently, I am quite happy for this. But don't think Helen hasn't been doing anything. That would not be true at all. Helen has been busy perfecting the art of sitting there and looking pretty. I'm not sure how much this will help Ed and me in our retirement, but it makes for a fine way to pass the days now.


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