Reading Between the Lines: From Left to Write Book Club "Lost Edens"

I used to be in near constant conflict with myself. Now, I am only occasionally in conflict with myself. As an example of a conflicts I had recently with myself, I outbid myself at a silent auction I chaired for Helen's school. I’m not even making this up. There was a painting in the auction that I adore. I was absolutely convinced that someone would try and outbid me at the last minute, and so I raised my bid by $25 with two minutes left to go in the auction because if I lost, I wanted to lose by at least $50. I realize I make no sense. This move did, however, provide much entertainment for friends watching me debate with me. (I WON! and lost.)

The sort of conflicts I used to have with myself were over figuring people out. I often read between the lines. I take small gestures to have significance whether they do or not. For example – notice the way that person blinked a lot while they were talking to me? Probably super bored or lying. Notice how she said she hoped we’d get together soon, but then gave me instructions to “call her”. Probably means she’s not actually interested, and is hoping I’ll forget. Or what about that question I asked that was left hanging in the air? I probably exposed something that wasn’t supposed to be known. This type of thinking can be exhausting.

A few years ago, I decided this activity was a waste of time. I decided instead, that I would just take people on face value. When I moved into my current house, my children trespassed on my neighbor’s lawn because it has a very cool tree house. My neighbor came out as I was attempting to retrieve them, stopped me and said “your kids can come over any time they want”, I looked at her and replied “I am from the Midwest. When you say things like that, I want to trust that it’s what you mean. If you don’t mean it, it’s totally fine, but can you just tell me soon so that they don’t end up bothering you.” As a note – people from the East coast are generally not this nice about people running around in their lawns. She laughed and said “me too! I mean it!” And it was then that our backyard pact was formed whereby her 3 boys come over to my yard to play basketball and Helen and Connor go to her house to enjoy the swing set and tree house. It has saved us a lot of money! I am certain we'd own at least one of those fun objects right now if I had second guessed my neighbor and not taken her at face value.

The flip to deciding I would take others on face value is that I would expect them to take me on face value, too. As a result, I’ve been a lot blunter. I know at times I offend, and I also know I surprise people occasionally, but it is a super easy way to live life. You know the famous poem about the woman who’s going to wear purple when she’s old? That’s who I’m trying to be. Now.

When I was reading the book “Lost Edens”, by Jamie Patterson, I was reminded of my pledge to not spend time reading between the lines. Jamie finds herself with a cheating husband who emotionally abuses her. So she looks for signs. Lots of signs. And the thing about all of it is, from the second page of the book I wanted to shout “your dog doesn’t like him – he’s no good!” Because that dog? He can't look around and see the good - he knows the bad. But it takes Jamie time to see her (ex) husband for who he is. Instead, she relishes the moments when he wears his wedding ring, and they appear to be a perfect couple. The symbol, as it turns out, is meaningless.

Now…why did this fact strike me? I’m married to a man who doesn’t even know where his wedding band is, much less could he remember the last time he wore it. So I could make myself nuts and try and assign some significance to this, or I could just accept what he tells me every night. “I love you.”

Elaine

I’m a member of the From Left to Write book club. I received a free copy of the book “Lost Edens” by Jamie Patterson. The book is a fast read. It was very emotionally draining for me, and made me worry about Helen's future.