Day 1. Helen and I took Connor to his classroom. Only, we arrived a few minutes early, so we were there alone. I didn't know we were supposed to drop off in the multipurpose room, but apparently everyone else knew this. I swear, I read every single piece of paper and email that comes to me (and the amount is vast!) and this was not mentioned. This is a problem with starting a school in first grade, rather than Kindergarten. The Kindergarten parents received instructions on what to do. I was supposed to just figure it out, I guess.
After putting a photo of me and Connor up in Connor's locker (from our recent trip to the Red Caboose motel) and showing him where his lunch would be, we went searching for the other 21 children in his class, and found them in a super crowded room. I figured out where Mrs. H's class was sitting, and Connor joined the line. Then I walked with the line to Connor's class, but Mrs. H. wasn't there yet.
Connor was noticeably thrown by all of this. He then followed the other children in taking his seat.
Imagine this - for an entire two years of your life, you've started school by saying a morning verse with your parent and then running around outside on a playground. Now, you're supposed to just sit at a desk. Connor tried very hard to hold back the tears, and I do believe he would have, had another girl not started bawling. She thought her parents had failed to get her school supplies, and she was super upset about it. Her emotional outburst validated his own insecurities.
Connor became very pale, like he does when he's about to cry, and a single tear slid down his face. He wiped it quickly away, and did his best to ground himself in his chair. It was then that my heart broke into a million tiny pieces. I really felt like I had betrayed him.
Helen and I began our exit, because I knew I'd lose my positive disposition and be a mess of tears in minutes if we didn't leave fast. When we reached the door, Helen ran back to Connor and gave him the biggest hug ever. It was as if to say "I'm sorry she's doing this to you. I'll figure out a way to get her to spring you from this place, but I need a little time".
Little did Helen know, but I had plans for her, too. Quickly, we set about mopping the floor.
I felt so awful that I called Ed and I think we were both convinced that we'd be writing a tuition check to the Waldorf school soon. At noon, I emailed the principal and asked if she'd seen him and told him he was very sad when Helen and I left.
I liked her response. She emailed back that she had seen Connor three times that morning, and although he could be holding it in, he seemed fine. I appreciated that she was aware that, having met him only a couple of times, she might not have a complete handle on how he would show his emotions.
When Connor came home that evening, he reported that snack was good, music was not good (no instruments!), that they didn't get to play with the toys in class, and that two boys had their fishes moved to blue for being naughty. Apparently, his fish is on the rocks. If he's naughty once, it gets moved to blue. Twice, it goes to yellow and your parent gets a note. Three incidents of being naughty result in moving your fish to red and a visit to the Principal's office. And this next part is what I love about Connor. Mrs. H. told the class that if your fish stayed on blue for 10 days in a row, you could get a prize. So Connor, always the good listener, decided that he needed to be naughty once in order to get his fish moved to blue, but then not be naughty again for 10 days so he could get his prize. I *think* I convinced him that rocks or blue would qualify for a prize, but I'm not sure. I sent a note back on the "daily news" about this so Mrs. H could clarify.
He then told me I needed to sign a paper for him, because if I did this 10 times, he could get a prize. If we remember to do this 20 times, he's going to get a prize for Helen, too. He'll look for something pink. [Edited to add: And since I am publishing this much later than it was written, I can add that the very first opportunity Connor had to get a prize, I was volunteering in his classroom. He noticed that there was one wristband bracelet like the ones all the first graders received on the first day of class, and he plunged his hand right into the prize jar and told Mrs. H "I'm getting this bracelet! Helen loves mine and has been wanting mine for so long. Now she can have this one". I was not actually surprised by this, because Connor does sweet stuff like this for Helen all the time. Mrs. H. about fell over though, and pretty much stopped the whole class to tell them what a nice thing Connor had done, and in honor of his nice thing, she gave him a second prize. I did want to punch Mrs. H. when she did this. You see, I don't like external motivation and prizes, and I wanted Connor to just be proud of his action, which would then motivate him internally to continue to do nice deeds. Attaching an extrinsic reward to it all cheapens the act. Connor was thrilled, of course. Psychology be damned!]
Day 2. Initially, Connor wanted to be dropped off at his class door. Then, he decided he wanted me to take his stuff to his locker, and he would go to the gym. He did an about face to head to the gym, missed the door, and managed to get to the front of the school as I swam upstream to try and get him back to the right place. When he saw the front door of the school, he realized he had gone too far, and spun around. He seemed relieved to see me - so I took him to the gym door, and he disappeared inside. Helen and I waited by his classroom to make sure he found the right line. When he passed us, he gave me a big hug, and then he picked Helen up and carried her all the way into class. He and Helen were laughing up a storm, and Mrs. H. joined in. The woman is a saint. She could've easily been annoyed.
That evening, he brought me the paper "the daily news", and although it was lacking in details yesterday, on Wednesday it reported that he played with the cash register and had the names of the four little dudes he played with. Apparently, the torrential downpours we're experiencing here meant indoor recess - a phenomena previously unknown to Connor as Waldorf kids play outside, every day.
Day 3. We were really getting into the groove by now. Connor went to the gym, found his line, and repeated the whole carrying Helen thing in. Every girl in the class is now in love with Helen and Mrs. H. stops whatever she's doing to give Helen a hug and let me know how much she loves her. This was the first day of science. The experiment? Eat a gobstopper. Observe what happens to it. Now put a gobstopper in a dish of water to sit overnight.
Day 4. Connor was excited to go to school, and was starting to know the names of the kids in his class. He was eager to learn what happened to that gobstopper, and I do not believe he was disappointed. He impressed Mrs. H. with his mad math skillz, and he is reportedly her best sitter and listener. That last trait is a trait many Waldorf educated children have. They hear stories all the time, and it's important to listen in order to know what's going on because there are no written words for them to rely on. That was Friday, and thus concluded Connor's first week of school.
I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. I think this will be true for a long time. Connor most definitely feels loved and cared for, which is very important to me. He's also happy and he's certainly learning lots of random things, which may or may not prove useful at some point. The one thing I wish I'd done prior to sending him to first grade? Teach him to hold a pencil. I was so worried about the reading, that it never occurred to me that he would need to know how to hold a pencil. His teacher has asked me if I think it's an OT issue. No, it is not. You can take that to the bank.
Elaine
oh this made me sad and then really happy. Connor is THE SWEETEST! I just love him getting Helen a bracelet! I hope he continues to do well in school!
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