Set the Bar Low - Mother's Day 2014

I have learned that it's extremely important to set the bar low. That way, nobody is ever disappointed. Today, I learned that if you plan things just right, you can seal the deal as being the "best mom in the history of the world" by merely jumping over the extremely low bar that has been set by the local sloth bears.

Nearly every year, some friends of mine go in with Ed and I to bid on a backstage tour of the sloth bears at Zoofari - the annual zoo fundraiser. We've won the prize often enough that Helen and Connor pretty much think a private tour of the sloth bears is just something we do every year as a family. For several boring reasons, we failed to schedule the tour last May when we won. The tour package expires at the end of this month, which was enough to prompt us to get the tour scheduled. Lucky for us, we waited so long, that there's a sloth bear cub to visit. 

The cub is being raised by humans, because it's mother didn't appear to want to take care of it. The mother bear started out with three cubs. Within a few minutes of birth, she ate one of them. Another died while in her care, and the third was abandoned after about a week. At that point, zookeepers stepped in and started caring for the baby 24 hours a day. Only recently have they started leaving it alone at night.

Connor and Helen were more than a little shocked to learn that the mother ate the cub. But let me tell you, this has a huge upside for me. I pretty much come off as the rockingest mom in the universe, merely because I did NOT ingest Connor. Here is the card I received from Connor today.

The cover is a picture of Connor and I jumping on the trampoline. For the record, I hate jumping on the trampoline, but Connor assured me we were having fun jumping together.

The inside has a picture which Connor explains "This picture means no eating me"

And then he wrote this note "Dear Mom, You are the best Mom in the history of the world. I love you. Connor. P.S. Thanks for not eating me"

You're welcome, Connor. I can assure that, even in the worst nights when you were a sleepless baby, I never even considered it.

Elaine

Connorspreak: DInner Edition

Life, for Connor, is often black and white - particularly when it comes to food. A few nights ago, I was cooking red clam sauce - a meal he had requested, and he came inside from playing. He looked at me and inquired what the smell was. I told him what it was, and he shouted "yay". Then he said "that smell is so unfamiliar that I wasn't sure if I should think 'yay' or if I should think 'ugh, I wish I had never been born'."

Elaine

Sniffing?

On our walk to school Friday morning, Connor and I had the unfortunate experience of walking behind a car spewing white exhaust. This prompted Connor to comment "I don't really like the smell of gas when it's being burned in a car engine. But I really, really like it when it's fresh. Sometimes, I walk into Dad's shed just so I can get a little smell of it".

I mentioned to Connor that it's not really good to sniff gas, and it can be hard on our bodies.

He clearly wasn't convinced and thought I was crazy.

Would it be going too far to ask Ed to install an exhaust fan in the shed?

Elaine

A Summary of Learning in First Grade

Tonight, I started going through Connor's writing notebook. I learned the following.

9-27: Write about a time when someone helped you. "My mom helped me play soccer." For the record, I have no idea what Connor is talking about here. I don't play soccer.

1-2-12: "On Christmas morning I ran down stares. I saw a big pile of pres". Apparently, he was so excited by the reliving of this memory that he couldn't finish the word presents. And just how do you run down a stare?

In answer to another writing prompt which is not in the book, Connor wrote "We would do whatever we wanted to do." Good luck on that one, friend.

Facts about Susan B. Anthony. "She died in New York. She died in 1906. She worked in New York and Kansas." I have no idea if any of this is true, but way to fit Kansas in there!

Facts about Pocahontas. "Pocahontas made peace. Pocahontas learned how to read. Pocahontas was a princess." Clearly, she was busy. And clearly, girls are not the only children who are impressed by princesses!

A lesson on hygiene? "It is important to care for my teeth because if you do not have teeth, you can't chew." I see Connor has forgotten here that he doesn't actually like to eat. Having no teeth might be a good thing for him.

A budding environmentalist, in March he wrote "The dumps are almost full. They take some garbage to a barge that takes it far away. The environment is getting dirty." Then stop creating so much trash!

"If you give a dog a race car, he'll want to get a license. He'll want to be famous, so he'll go to the racetrack." Eat your heart out, Laura Numeroff.

Grading himself? "My poems good cas it has too in it a lot and it has 100 words." If only I could see the poem.

"I am silly."

Definition of a dragon. "A dragon is big and eats deer and is very fast." Thank you, I know just what I'm looking for now.

Baseball game. "A dude was going to 2nd base. I had the ball. I tagged the base. That dude was out." Yep, I saw it all.

5-15-12 "One time I was helping my mom set the table. Every dude was hungry." I'm not sure I've ever heard Connor refer to me as a dude.

"I will never eat brussel sprouts. I love to eat ice cream." Yeah, well what about brussels sprouts flavored ice cream?

The future. "When I grow up I want to be a bike racer caus I'm good biker." I hope so, because grammar isn't your thing.

Elaine

Connor Joins the Ranks of Men Everywhere in the Relationship Department

Me: Connor, what's up with E?
Connor: I don't know. For a long time, we were going to marry each other. Then, she got mad at me.
Me: Why?
Connor: I have no idea.

You might not realize it now, Connor, but there are men across the globe sharing this same thought with you tonight.

"I Don't Think I've Ever Had a Bad Day"

Today, Helen and I ate lunch with Connor and several of his classmates and their moms. One of the moms had been volunteering in the classroom that morning and she told me she about died from cute today. Apparently, the students were studying cause and effect, and their task was to write a cause and effect story about a very bad day they had.

Connor drew a blank, looked at the other mother and said "I don't think I've ever had a bad day". As it should be, she thought.

Tonight, when I was putting Connor to bed, he ranted amid tears that he "never got anything he wanted".

I think I'd like to parent Connor during the day and turn him over to his teacher at night - especially nights at the end of very long weeks.

Elaine

Connorspeak: Sampling Error and Elections

Connor has been learning about famous Americans at school, and among these are several Presidents. It got Connor to thinking about elections, so he asked  me this question while I was preparing for dinner.

"What happens when there's a tie in a Presidential election?"

I responded that it had only really come close to happening once, and in that instance the Supreme Court stepped in and made an incorrect decision. And that's how George Bush became President the first time. This, naturally, confused Connor. I get it. The whole thing confused me, too!

Connor sat there trying to digest and sort out what I had just told him, and then followed up.

"Is it because they drew a bad sample? You know, like they had a big handful of ballots, maybe 20 or so, and those said that George Bush should win but really, if they'd correctly counted everything, the other guy would've won?"

I told him that he had a good case, but that wasn't exactly what happened. Then I told him he'd be learning about that election for years to come, and that I didn't fully understand everything that went on myself.

In case there was any confusion, I believe he has confirmed he is in the right house.

Elaine

Making the World a Little Bit Better - Connorstyle

I dream about the day my children discover how they're going to make their mark on the world. I'm hopeful that they'll leave this Earth better than they found it. I'm not necessarily expecting huge things, but a small gesture here and there would make me feel like this work of raising children was worth it.

In this week's Friday Folder was this gem from Connor.

"I have a dream. My dream is: [for] Glebe to be a better place."
"I can help my dream come true by: eating lunch fast so I can tauc (talk) a lot"

His teacher called it one for the "saved papers folder". I called it "one for the blog".

Elaine

Girls ARE Good at Math - Despite What Connor Says

A few nights ago, we walked to a nearby restaurant. I love walks like these, because I can almost always count on one of my kids saying something entertaining. Connor threw me for a curve with this ditty.

I asked him how he liked his new math class.

"I like it. It's THIRD GRADE MATH, so it's fun!"

"Are there any other kids from Mrs. H's class in Mrs. R's [new math teacher] class?"

"No. But there are five other kids that went to Mrs. Rs class with me. One from Mr. F's class isn't that smart. He had to leave. It was too hard for him."

Imagine me being a little blown away by how insensitive this sounds. What happened to - he had a little trouble, so he might try another week? Or, he doesn't really love math so he went back to Mr. F's class?

While I was trying to decide how to respond, Connor carried on: "And, there are only boys in my class.[PAUSE] Maybe because girls aren't good at math."

And then I exploded right there on the sidewalk and hopefully Connor learned that girls are, in fact, good at math. Or, perhaps he learned I am crazy. But either way, I was more than a little annoyed by his postulation. I could see Ed was tempted to laugh and I can assure you, that reaction was stifled quickly. Because nobody - especially not my daughter's father - will have any role in convincing her she can't be good at math.

So now, I've spent the past several days wondering if there's a perfectly good explanation why no girls are in Connor's gifted math class, like the girls are in another group that meets at another time. Six IS a small sample, after all. But a small part of me wants to march into the principal's office and let her know that she needs to drum up some female business for that class - quick.

Because the principal? She also already knows I'm crazy. So in some ways, I've got nothing to lose. Anyone want to toss out some advice?

Elaine

His Brain Told Him

Connor loves math. In his Christmas letter to his teacher, he told her that. I think the letter was something like "Merry Christmas, Mrs. H. I love math. Love, Connor".

The first time he had a math test, he aced it, and there was a note on it instructing me to "celebrate Connor". I then asked Connor about the test and he proceeded to tell me from memory every question on the test. My next thought was, if the test was so easy you memorized it, it's hardly worth celebrating. So as not to be a total Scrooge, I told him he could pick what game our family played that night. He thought that was pretty groovy.

At times like these, I always remember approaching my dad for a monetary reward after receiving my grade card. You see, every other person in my elementary school received money for getting A's (or at least I think they did!), typically $1 - $5. I let my dad know about this fact so he could step up his efforts in the reward department. He looked at my and dryly said "I'm not going to pay you to do something I expect you to do". Point taken. There would be no monetary reward from my dad for getting good grades. (Which is maybe where my hatred for prizes stems from - latent jealously!)

On Wednesday last week, Connor came home and told me he had another math test and he got every question right.

Me: "Did Mrs. H. tell you got every question right?"
Him: "No, my brain told me."

And then I had a meeting with Mrs. H. on Thursday to discuss his recent freak-outs, and in the course of our conversation, she told me he had scored 100 percent on his math test. She also told me she hadn't told Connor that yet. I told her, don't worry, his brain already told him that. And she was a little blown away, because apparently in class, he lacks this sort of confidence.

What gives on that front?

Elaine

Tree Decorating

On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, I pulled the Christmas tree out of the basement, unwrapped the plastic that had warded off dust over the past year, and the kids set about decorating.

We have a lot of ornaments, and Connor and Helen were not about to be satisfied with hanging a number smaller than every single one of them.

Connor requested that we get a star to put atop the tree, so I showed him the Joe Namath ornament that has taken that place annually since my mom gifted the ornament to Ed several years ago. He was not impressed. However, he seems to have forgotten how displeased he was because he has neither requested I get one again, nor has he taken matters into his own hands and made one.

Merry Christmas!
Elaine

Connor Finds Religion...Again

When Connor was 3, he announced he'd like to go to church. The next year, he received a bible at the County Fair - and actually refused to go to another fair unless I promised he'd get another bible.

On Friday morning, Connor requested I read Noah and the Ark to him, which is a book he and his last babysitter picked up in the "free books" section of the public library. This book goes on endlessly, and is not shortened at all for children. The first time Ed read the book to Connor, Connor looked at Ed as if he were telling a ridiculous story. Now? He was so annoyed at me that I was making pancakes for him rather than reading that he defiantly sat down on his little blue couch and started plugging through the book, only occasionally asking me what a word was. At about page four, he hailed Helen over and said to her "Helen, you need to pay attention. I'm reading a story from the REAL BIBLE! It's important." And that afternoon, he brought home the following homework paper. I am thankful for...and he had to fill in the blank. The word he filled in? "God"

Is someone trying to send his mama a message?

Elaine

Marriage

This morning on our ride to camp, Helen announced her intention to marry Connor. Connor responded by letting her know it wasn't legal, with the helpful tidbit that it was also not legal to marry your cousins. I thought it was rather diplomatic of him, because he could've said something like "I don't want to marry you because..." True to form, Helen responded by saying "Connor, it is too, legal! And I am going to marry you." Connor then remarked "it is not legal, and I'm not discussing it with you any further. Take it up with Mom." She started arguing with me about it, and I punted to Ed. I believe he's the person that first informed Connor that marrying siblings and first cousins was illegal. Why, I do not know, unless he was trying to torture me with a conversation like this some morning when I least expected it.

Elaine

Helenspeak: Drinking Water

Upon handing a glass of water to Connor, he noticed something floating in it. He handed it back to me and said "there's something floating in my water".

I gave him my floater-free glass of water.

Helen then asked "Can I see it?" and upon inspection declared "Oh those things? They're always in the water. You don't have to worry about them".

Helen is famous for having "backwash" in her water. It was hard to resist saying "only yours, Helen".

Elaine

I Love You More Than...

Each night that I put Connor to bed, he gives me a big hug and says "I love you more than ___" and then he fills in the blank with a word like "honey" or "strawberries".

Last night, when I went up to the kids' room before my own bedtime, Helen woke up a little bit as I repositioned her covers. I asked her if she needed to use the bathroom and she said "no." Then she reached out her arms as she often does and requested one last big hug and kiss. Then she said, in a very sleepy voice, "I love you more than school".

Elaine

And the award for favorite granddaughter goes to...

My sister has two incredible daughters, who are fast approaching the age when they will no longer want to hang out with me. Too bad for me. They make competition for favorite granddaughter on my side of the family stiff. My nieces have an advantage in this competition, it would seem, based on proximity to my parents. They have the benefit of being able to call my parents for a sleep-over, something my children just don't have since a sleep-over requires a plane ticket and an adult to accompany them.

But let's face it. Helen is also incredible. At age 3, she can twist most anybody around her finger. Today, she decided that despite the disadvantage of distance, she was going to win "favorite granddaughter" of my dad, hand's down.

Here was our conversation in the car.

H: Mommy, why is Grandpa Rodney an engineer?

Me: Because that's what he went to school to learn how to do. To be an engineer, you must be very good at math, you must be able to solve problems creatively, and you have to be really smart.

H: I'm going to be an engineer.

C: (sensing that something might be on the line) Me too! I'm also going to be an engineer.

H: Well, I'm going to be the kind of engineer that builds roads.

C: Not me. I'm going to be the kind that drives trains.

Don't worry, Connor, you get to be favorite grandson by virtue of being the only grandson. And Grandpa Rodney is not one to shy away from long drives across the country, so I presume he'll enjoy long train rides with you as well.

Helen, my dear, I guarantee that your Grandpa Rodney will burst out laughing as soon as he sees this post, and then he and your Great Aunt Connie will rush to the phone to report who read the post first. And in that conversation, your Grandpa Rodney might just admit that you are his favorite granddaughter - though he'll never admit this to anyone else.

It's OK though. We know.

Connorspeak: Being Out-Talked

Yesterday afternoon, Connor and Helen had a playdate with someone I hadn't met before. As I came near the craft room, where the kids were all deep in craft projects that were to be loaded onto "Santa's sleigh"*, Emma was talking a mile a minute. On occasion, she would pause for air, and Helen would chirp in with some tidbit, and then Emma would be off again. Not only did Emma talk constantly, she talked so fast that it was impossible to get a word in without talking right over her.

At dinner, I asked Connor if he'd been able to talk at all that afternoon and he replied:

"Well...I didn't get to say too much, because Helen and Emma were talking so much, but it was OK. I didn't have much to say."

Which I guess is a good thing, because if he had wanted to talk, I'm not sure he could have.

As much as I joke about Helen talking all the time, this little gal set me straight. I believe Emma was sent to my home yesterday just to show me that although sometimes things may seem a little overwhelming, they might be more under control than I think.

Elaine

*Santa's sleigh is a board with four wheels attached that was left by the previous owner. It has provided hours of entertainment at this point as it morphs from one function to another.

A New Creation Myth, Brought to you by Connor

A couple of weeks ago, I co-hosted a cookie decorating party for the children in my mom's group. I provided the house and the cookies, Amanda provided the doo-dads to go on top (and Laurie and Susan both brought frosting leftover from their daughters birthday parties earlier in the year to add to Amanda's quite extensive collection of doo-dads - apparently age 5 is the age of cookie decorating!).

I think I have discovered Connor's favorite thing about Christmas.

And Helen performed her own physics experiment, testing just how strong the cookie was.

In some ways, I love a party like this. Even though both Helen and Connor know I really do not like messes, I want them to know that sometimes, I'm totally OK with them. My mom was like that. Nobody would confuse her for someone who wanted to live in a messy house - and her house is rarely messy - but she was always letting my sister and I have friends over, and I'm sure we were anything but neat and tidy.

After the cookie decorating, Connor busted out his latest puppet show. It was a story about how the world came to be. He recruited his friends Eamon and Zoe to help out. I'm not sure they knew what was going on, but everyone seemed to have a fun time.

My friend Marya wins the award for being most engaged audience member. It's obvious she has a background in education. She really pays attention, she absorbs what's going on, she puts the action into context with what she sees happening.

At times, it's hard to stay the course with Waldorf education. I see Connor's friends reading and writing legibly, and clearly doing more academic things than he is. But when I see the joy in Connor's face and the creativity in what he's pursuing, my heart rests easy.

Elaine

Connorspeak: All Kinds of Gross

But Mom, I can't pick my nose as well when you trim my fingernails.

I Couldn't Make This Stuff Up If I Tried: Connorspeak AND Helenspeak

Before breakfast on Friday:

"Helen, you can't just take my things!"
"Well, yes I can. If you're not lookin'."

During breakfast on Friday:
"When we go to Cape Town, we need to make sure we stay in a very tall apartment so that the renegade baboons don't take our things. We need to choose a very high window and then at night, we can look out our windows and see if the renegade baboons are still there. But I know a way to get rid of them.

Renegade Baboon Traps!

We can make them with really strong metal with little holes to catch their paws. And how we can get them to go in is to put their favorite food in them."

Elaine