2015 Elementary School 5K

Last spring, Helen ran her second 5K and Connor ran his third. Somehow, I never wrote up the run, even though I remember it as being both a huge accomplishment and a fun time.

Prior to the race, we spent about one month preparing. Inspired by our monthly physical challenge, we ran a half mile one day, took a rest day, ran half a mile, one mile, then another rest day, and we kept adding to our distance until we hit about 2.5 or 3 miles. By the time the big day came, the kids were totally ready. Helen was even ready with a strategy that would involve her sprinting to the finish. I know Connor planned to do this as well, but since Ed ran with him, I'm not sure if it actually happened, though I think it did.

Helen was part of the cheer squad for the 1 mile fun run, but I had already told her that no matter what, she was running the 5K. We had worked too hard to not do it, and it is super important to me that Helen knows she can be in the action on the race course, not just on the sideline.

Connor and Helen both knocked several minutes off their Jingle Bell 5K time they had recorded in December 2014. (Helen made it to 35:23 and Connor checked in with a 28:47). Unlike the Jingle Bell race, which was mostly flat, the school 5K involved a pretty good hill. All the way up it I sang silly songs - and though Helen pretended to be embarrassed occasionally, she was also laughing and not thinking about how hard she was working. And, when a person a few yards back shouted "please don't stop singing" when Helen and I got to the top, Helen loved being able to roll her eyes and pretend that she didn't need the song at all.

When we got to the finish, a bunch of adults were running down the sidewalk leading to the end. Helen wasn't quite sure what to do, because they weren't sprinting. So I shouted "spring through the grass" and she took off, passing probably 6 - 10 runners in the last half block or so. She felt so incredibly strong, and it was a joy to see her huge smile. She was particularly proud because everyone she passed was older than she was.

Per usual, she complained throughout much of the race. But unlike the last race where she stopped to walk a few times, she pretty much chugged right along, possibly because she didn't want anyone she knew to see her not going full blast.

Since she completed this race, she has told many, many people about her MULTIPLE 5Ks and without batting an eye will let anyone know she can run one with no trouble.

Next up? This year's Turkey Trot or Jingle Bell.

(I love training with Connor, but we haven't raced together. I feel guilty subjecting Ed to the endless stream of complaints from Helen while she runs, and I don't want to mess up the good groove Connor and Ed have going.)

Elaine

Vulnerable

We are all vulnerable. Sometimes, our weaknesses are apparent to many; sometimes they are apparent to few. Sometimes, we make up weaknesses for other people just to make them feel bad, or pump ourselves up. Sometimes, we fool ourselves into feeling that it matters whether we are more vulnerable or less vulnerable, instead of remembering that the only thing that matters is that we are all vulnerable.

A normally friendly child in Connor's class decided to rally his friends to tease Connor at lunch. Over what, you might wonder? The food he brought. For real. The students decided that the best use of their lunch time was to point out that Connor was eating vanilla yogurt, packaged in a Yo Baby container. Remember when I said my children still loved Yo Baby for lunch? Not true anymore. Because even though the taste is THE SAME as the vanilla yogurt that comes packaged differently, this yogurt is now the stuff that gets mocked.

By an idiot eating lunchables, no less.

It makes no sense to me, of course, that another kid even cares what Connor is eating. But that's because I'm an adult, and I know from experience that everyone gets teased about something, and I even know that getting teased about what you are eating is WAY BETTER than getting teased about some characteristic that you hold dear. Because Connor doesn't particularly desire the vanilla cup of yogurt (though he likes it just fine), he can just switch to a Yo Squeezer (which the lunchable eating kid has not yet deemed unacceptable), without his life really changing.

As an adult, I know ignoring this kid will probably make him go away, and that someday, this kid may even regret his choice. Maybe the day someone teaches him that he's vulnerable, too.

But I also want to look this kid in the eye and tell him he's ugly and his mama dresses him funny.

Instead, I will hold my breath for now, and see if he finds something else to make fun of Connor about, or if he decides to go about his life without bothering my kid.

Spread love, friends. We can all use support.

Elaine

From the Backpack: Black

Connor was given the assignment to write a poem about a color. Connor's favorite color is yellow - as in sunshine and daisy centers. He chose black. I was absolutely taken aback by this choice, and casually tried to inquire about it. He told me he couldn't write about yellow because he couldn't figure out what it smelled like.

We went to lunch with a couple of friends of his and the color poem came up. His friend's choice? Yellow.

When I pulled Connor's poem out of his backpack, I had a moment where I thought perhaps I should set Connor up with a psychiatrist. When my friend, a psychologist, saw the poem, she said "you do realize your kid is highly gifted, right?". Which is just one more reason why I adore her. More on my trip to Minnesota to visit another time, but here's the poem. It still seems a little deranged to me.

Elaine

Science Fair

Last night, the elementary school hosted their second annual Science Fair. Students could participate alone or in groups - or not at all. Helen and Connor both decided to participate. Helen chose an individual project and Connor opted to work with a friend of his.

When Helen and I started preparing for the science fair several weeks ago, I asked her what she'd like to do. She said she would like to see what kind of tree grows the fastest. I told her maybe if she started now, she'd have quite a project by the time fifth grade rolled around. So she kept thinking. She likes nature, so wanted something to do with that. At some point, she remembered when we tried to make rock candy and totally failed - so she decided we should do that.

Her question - do different kinds of sugar form crystals, or just white sugar? I helped her test brown sugar, white sugar, powdered sugar, and maple syrup. For each, we added about 3 parts sugar to 1 part water. Helen recorded her observations daily, and was very excited when she started seeing crystals.

She was incredibly excited to share her display, and kept telling me how many comments she had received. She returned the comment love by writing "awesome" or "cool" on pretty much every science project she stopped to check out.

Connor and a friend folded paper airplanes to see which one flew the furthest. He was a little more low-key about the whole affair, probably because he'd spent his early release day bouncing from one set of friends to the next, and was tired by the time evening came around.

His project did present a nice opportunity to discuss measurement error and Ed was very close to discussing standard errors, but opted to hold that lesson for another day.

This whole thing was basically started by one motivated mom at Connor and Helen's school. She rocks! (And no, it is not me!!)

Elaine

PS - a few students decided to do experiments involving mentos and soda, which of course reminded me of this day, and made me laugh again about the whole thing.

Art and Memorable Moments

Today, Connor's art class presented artwork that showed a surprise. I wasn't able to attend, but a friend took this video of Connor and sent it to me. As soon as I saw the first frame, I knew exactly how this was going to end. Nobody has ever told Connor how serious his broken arm was. Nobody has every told Connor that a fall of a not too different nature could've ended in a broken neck. So while I immediately tensed up when I saw this, I know Connor is much more sanguine about the whole affair.

Elaine

Reports from the Lunchroom / The Sharing Table

Connor is not a fan of food. He does not seek it out and he rarely tries new things unless told to do so. Helen, on the other hand, is more adventurous with food. As a result, I'm learning a lot about how the lunchroom at the elementary school operates.

1. The Sharing Table - according to Helen, there is a table in the lunchroom called "the sharing table". The table is near the trash bins, and the idea is that you may leave behind any whole fruit or packaged item that you have not started to consume. At first, Helen told me, she thought the sharing table was just for "all those kids in wheelchairs who come into the cafeteria who always forget their lunch money". Until one magical day, a friend of hers who was at the school in Kindergarten told her that anyone may take anything off the table. KA-CHING! This sent Helen into a bit of a frenzy, collecting items that looked particularly appealing. But, the catch is, you have to peer at the table from your seat - because "the mean lunch ladies do not like it when you leave your assigned table" - and then make a dash for whatever food item you want. Helen almost always brings her own lunch, so she's not actually a contributor to the sharing table - she's just a taker.

Connor's comment when asked about the sharing table: "I guess there's one. I never look at it.".

2. Try New Foods - a few parents run a campaign to "Be Your Body's Best Friend". The campaign centers around improving nutrition; teaching children they need a lot of sleep, few sugar drinks, and limited screen time; and improving exercise habits by encouraging children to walk to school on certain days and run a 1-mile or 5K run at the end of the school year.

One component of the nutrition piece is to encourage children to try new foods. Moms show up in the cafeteria regularly with post of soup, vegetables, and other nutritious offerings and the children my have a sample. They also bring recipes in case the children want to know how to make the food at home. The number of times Connor has approached the new foods table is probably one - enough to learn it was an activity he didn't care for. Helen? She's crushing at the new foods table and even won a pencil last week - which she loved - for knowing some facts being focused on in the campaign.

These moms, by the way, are saints - and the person heading it up graduated from culinary school, which I think is amazingly cool.

3. If you bring your lunch and your friend buys her lunch, you can try and spread out a lot when you get to your seat so that your friend may squeeze in when s/he acquires lunch. Tried and tested by years of students, including both Connor and Helen.

Helen and I used to visit Connor for lunch one or two times a year. With two children, my visit to the cafeteria will be a lot longer, which might do me in.

Elaine

Being Seen

Last year, the gifted resource teacher at Connor's school asked me how things were going. I told her what I thought - without sparing her many gory details. She wrote back "thanks for the honesty". I'm sure she was more than a little surprised, but I have to hand it to her, she did try and change things. I wrote in that letter, among other things, that I got the feeling my child was sitting in class reading all day, being ignored by his teachers, because he was being quiet and not interfering.

At some point, third grade just crushed my soul, and I got to the point where my attitude was more "just get out alive" than "make something good out of this". Even after discussing the year with Ed and other friends, I still can't quite put my finger on the cause of the terrible year. Maybe it's as simple as the huge test load crushing all inspiration in the room (which has been changed for all subsequent classes); maybe it's an attitude that resources should be spent on the students with the greatest academic needs (a fair point, but doesn't help my kid); maybe it's even worse that the teacher's just didn't care (I have a hard time believing this one, but since I've never come up with an answer that I find satisfactory, this one stays on the table).

This is a conversation I had with Connor's math teacher last year:

Me: The homework being sent home with Connor is too easy. It's not a good use of his time.
Teacher: I agree. The homework doesn't challenge him at all. It's too easy for him.
Me: Then can he just skip it?
Teacher: Everyone does homework.

Me: Blank stare. Thinking - Where do we go from here? This conversation occurred about 3 weeks into the school year.

This was a great foreshadowing of what the whole year would be like. I met with the teacher several times, I tried to offer suggestions:

Me: Maybe the spelling words, which are very simple and do not serve much purpose for Connor, could be made more difficult - so they could serve to enhance his vocabulary, since spelling isn't really a problem for him.
Teacher: That's not the point of the weekly spelling words. The point is to recognize patterns.
Me: And that's the only point?
Teacher: Yes.

Teacher: It's difficult to know what Connor is thinking, because he mostly just sits and reads.
Me: Why don't you require him to fill out a reading summary for each book he reads? That way, you can at least assess what he's getting out of the book. And he can have practice writing, which he needs more practice doing than reading.
Teacher: I hate to do anything to discourage reading.
Me: He read three novels in class last week - a little discouragement is not going to hurt him.
Teacher: OK - that's a good suggestion - I'll have him fill out summaries.

That lasted for about two weeks.  And only because I told Connor to do them. His teacher just wasn't going to take it upon herself to inspire him. Now, to be clear, Connor enjoyed reading all those books last year, and he enjoyed hanging out with his friends, but school was a long, cold march many days.

This year, when I went for the first conference, I almost cried tears of joy. The teacher quickly blew through the academic check list - and then she showed me his self assessment. How does Connor say he feels about school? He is bored. She told me she was going to change that. I believe her. She told me her plans, and she asked if that seemed like something that would likely interest Connor. The math teacher, who changed up Connor's homework by week three, wanted to confirm the level of work, and noted that she thought it was still too easy but wanted to confirm with me before she stepped it up another level (she was correct).

And then the homeroom teacher brought up two issues - and as she described Connor, it became clear that in the six weeks since school has started, the four teachers who are responsible for his education this year know more about him than last year's teachers admitted to after the entire year.  Neither of the things the teacher brought up make Connor a difficult student for the teachers involved. In other words, there is no reason these issues need to be addressed from their standpoint, I suspect, except to help Connor. I know how much an inspiring teacher can matter, and I walked out of that conference feeling like I had added six bench players to my parenting team - the four teachers and the two specialists that will be called in to observe Connor, and determine if anything needs to be done to assist him.

At the end of the conference, I couldn't help but think what a wonderful place Connor was in this year. I have no doubt that this is going to be an amazing year for him. And after last year, I think we both need it.

Elaine

Grade 4

Connor started fourth grade this year! And because third grade set the bar sufficiently low (academically) for me at least, I'm confident fourth grade will be better. Key to happiness is low expectations, right? After school playdates picked up exactly where they left off, with Connor and classmates trading homes regularly. Fun times are in store this year.

Connor shares a locker with a good friend of his - which is very lucky for him. Upon hearing the news of his locker mate, he told me "I'm glad to be sharing a locker with G. He's not an extremely neat person himself, so he won't mind if I'm on the untidy side as well". Fastidious does not describe these two boys. I'm hoping that by week three, they'll still be able to close the door.

I know nothing about his homeroom teacher except her name, which is a steep departure from past years. We missed the open house because we were on vacation and I've been so concerned with Helen's transition that all my energy has been directed toward smoothing that. I dropped Connor off the first morning at the cafeteria (where the older children meet), pointed to another student in his class, and gave him the sage advice "follow W. He went to the open house and knows where the classroom is." It worked, I guess, because he made it to class - as far as I can tell.

I emailed the teacher a few days ago to see if I could bring Connor's cupcakes in tomorrow and apologized for not dropping by yet, but letting her know things must be going pretty well since Connor seems happy. She sent a nice note back, and I do look forward to at least seeing her tomorrow so I know who she is when I'm up at school. Back-to-school night is next week, which is when I should figure out who his other teachers are.

Connor is playing soccer again, and in a huge win for my sanity, has opted to not play baseball this fall. The baseball team is considerably smaller in the fall, and I just didn't think I could get through another two-season sport with Connor. Running from baseball to soccer last fall and this past spring were not among my favorite memories as a parent. Plus, Helen starts softball again this weekend, which is a logistics problem that at least does not involve me trying to have one child in two places, but will require some man-to-man defense employing both cars and both parents in this house.

Here's how much Connor grew from the first day of school last year to this. Same bad photography, unfortunately, but taller kid. He looks a little more confident to me as well.

Start of 3rd grade

Start of 4th grade