To say I was "all in" for Hillary would be an understatement. I felt so much hope and confidence - and as the polls started shifting even further towards her favor in the weeks before the election - and there was talk of her trying to run up the score - I was almost gleeful.
It was real. It was going to happen.
I was finally going to exorcise those demons that have haunted me repeatedly - with the earliest one coming in 7th grade as he assured his friend he wouldn't be last chair in band because there was a girl playing trumpet now.
And then Comey made his ridiculous announcement that more emails had been found that might be related to a case the FBI had already cleared Hillary of criminally. To think these emails would contain something would take a lot of imagination, but people wanted a reason to hate her - and they hopped on board. Not surprisingly, there wasn't anything new in these emails. But the polls were dipping and what looked like a possible democratic senate had turned back to a republican senate. Was it the straw that did her in? Probably not. But it didn't help.
I wore a Hillary t-shirt and button pretty much everywhere I went (excluding a wedding) for the days leading up to Tuesday. I smiled often. I was in love with life.
My internet went down on Monday so when Helen went to play practice that afternoon, I went to the Starbucks and started dialing voters in North Carolina from there.
I took my kids canvassing on the 9th assuring them that Hillary's ground game was the best in the business and we were going to be part of tipping the vote in her favor.
I came home and made calls to Nevada.
We were doing this.
We were going to be winners.
Only that's not what happened. And someday, I'll write something more thoughtful, but today is a day of such deep sadness, I sometimes feel like I can't quite catch my breath. I've cried. I've puked. I've talked to friends and family.
I've held Helen as she cried. I have told here under no uncertain terms that we did support the right candidate. Our country would be better with Hillary at the helm. She did win the popular vote and she did win our state.
And even though my heart has broken into a million tiny pieces that may never come back together - I am so very proud of supporting Hillary from wire to wire.
|This is me walking to school with the kids, purposefully taking the busy streets home on Friday.|
|This is the last sign we saw as we exited our "get out the vote" site.|
|This is us, trying to find every last Hillary voter in Arlington- a county that split 75-25 for Hillary.|
|And this is us, full of optimism that we could share in the joy of victory.|