Nature vs. Nurture

There's a longstanding debate about the relative importance of "nature" - an individual's innate qualities - and "nurture" - an individual's environment - in determining or causing personal traits. Watching Connor change has me fascinated in this debate. Some things, seem very clear. For example, when he wants to know where his dog is, he holds his hands out in front of him, palms up, with a quizzical look on his face and says "Dodo?". This very clearly comes from his second nanny, Emma, who used to do this. And, when I ask him if he wants to do something, of late, he's taken to saying "shu", which makes sense to me as I often say "sure" in response to Ed's queries. Both of these habits seem firmly entrenched in the nurture side of the debate.

There are other things about Connor that can just as easily be attributed to nature. For example, he's incredibly stubborn, just like his dad (and me, I suppose). Ed and I both feel like this is not his most endearing trait, but it's hardly his fault, so we try to cope with the force he is as best we can. He also seems very smart to us, just like me (and Ed, I suppose). We're a little more proud of passing this on.

But one thing in particular has me troubled. I am much more sensitive than Ed. When it's cold, I seem to be colder than him; when I stub my toe, it seems to hurt me more (of course, I did give birth with NO pain medicine, but that's another story). When Ed and I first met, he thought I was his brother, apparently. He would occasionally try and roughhouse around, to which - in classic wimp style - I would say "ow". Ed would then look at me and say "that couldn't possibly have hurt you" and then he would inflict the same pain on himself, "proving" that it didn't hurt. I had to explain to him that when you do something to yourself, you're expecting it, and it cannot possibly be the same. So now Ed treats me more like the princess I am.

A couple of nights ago, Connor bonked me on the head with his Little People lion. It was some sort of game that Connor made up, to which I told Connor "Mommy doesn't like to play that game. Please don't bonk me with the lion." He then went over and nailed Ed - right in the glasses. Ed also told him it hurt and asked him not to do that. Connor then took a step back, looked right at Ed, and hit himself with the lion, as if to say "that couldn't possibly hurt you". I would've thought a behavior such as this could be squarely attributed to "nurture", but Connor has never seen Ed do this. Apparently, "nature" runs deeper than I ever suspected possible. I'm very scared.

Elaine