{this moment}

From SouleMama: {this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Share your own moment in the comments or at SouleMama.com.

 

Around the House Week 5: Memories



One thing I love about decorating for Christmas is pulling memories out of boxes one by one. Children, of course, can ruin this - because at least in my children's case, they want to get all the decorations up as fast as possible. Pausing to remember when certain things came into their life is rarely on their agenda. They also want to put up as many decorations as possible, which easily overwhelm.

 

In the midst of decorating chaos this week, I pulled out a set of silver penguins that I still remember purchasing years ago. It was a lazy Saturday that I spent wandering around Old Town, a few weeks after Christmas. Seeing them reminded me of all the time I used to have, rarely feeling rushed. Perhaps this season they can serve to remind me to slow down.

 

I put hand-dipped beeswax candles in my proud penguins this year. Connor and Helen made the candles after Helen's 4th birthday. The kit was a gift from a friend who left her school shortly thereafter.

 

I'm looking forward to watching them light the evening.

 

 

Elaine

Puppets

I remember when Connor was in the Oak Tree Kindergarten class, he treated us to a lot of puppet shows. Now that Helen is in the class, she often does the same. 

It doesn't take much to set the shows up. Usually a few random toys, a tabletop, and a bit of an audience. That last element is optional, and I do enjoy these shows more when she doesn't realize I'm watching them.

While at her Grandma's house this past weekend, Helen plopped herself into an exer-saucer and set to work. It was probably the best thing that ever happened in that device.

Also, going through the Kindergarten class is easier the second time for me. Because at about this point in the year, many people start asking the question "Is Helen reading yet?" and tell stories of their own 5 year old reading up a storm. With Connor, I would occasionally get nervous that I had made a bad choice sending him to a Waldorf school, which doesn't teach children to read in Kindergarten. I worried I was setting him up for future failure, even though in my heart I knew this could not possibly be true. Now, when I tell people that no, Helen does not read - nor will she for a couple of years, I can confidently address their uneasy stares. Because my second grader? He reads just fine. And so will Helen.

Elaine

Politics Week 4: What To Do with Negative Energy?

I came of age on a top-ranked college debate team. I ended my debate career winning a speaker award at the national tournament. I know how to argue. I used to do it for sport. I thought it was FUN to embarrass people intellectually. Sometimes, when people find this out, they will attempt to goad me into an argument. A particularly memorable time was at my sister's home. I was a guest, as was this other person, and he took a few moments to stand and insult me, truly out of nowhere. I remember taking a breath and in that breath, I made the decision that I wasn't biting. This guy was an idiot, and I could've leveled him in two sentences, but I stopped. I didn't always have this control. I'm embarrassed by that. But in this particular incidence (and most of the time these days), I made a good choice to bite my tongue. In doing so, I absorbed his negative energy.

You see, at some point, it became obvious to me that not everything is worth arguing about. Most things, in fact, are not worth arguing about. It is also not important to defend myself, even in the face of insult. I prefer to think that the insulter has shown his idiocy, and rather than me looking bad, he's the one who looks bad. I may be kidding myself, but I'm OK with that, too. I live with the fear, daily, that something I say to someone may be the last thing they ever hear. And how awful if it's something mean!

By and large, people are terrible arguers. Arguments are riddled with claims without warrants for those claims. People who get really into an argument will literally switch positions - and not in a progressive "I see things differently, now" sort of way, but in an "I can tell I've lost that point but I care about beating you so much that I will go in the opposite direction - even if it is nonsensical to someone who can follow an argument" sort of way. It makes me crazy inside. That's when I start to feel the other person's negative energy.

Which is not to say I don't enjoy a good argument aimed at truth seeking. I have another friend who I argue with a lot, and over the years, he has convinced me of many things and I think I've convinced him of a few things as well. I would never want to stop arguing with him. The arguments can be so rich. I love seeing things in new light. These heated conversations are filled with positive energy.

I believe in the power of positive energy. I'm mindful of the footprint I leave, and for the many people in my life I disagree with, you will probably never know the control I am showing. Daily. This is possibly the worst thing about Facebook. People post things without fact checking. And sometimes, I want to say "no, no - this argument is wrong and here's why!", but then I think of the argument I will have fallen into, and what an unproductive waste of time it would be. But there is a part of me that wants to shout "NO, NO, NO". In not saying anything, I feel as if I literally trap that negative energy inside myself.

I have told myself for years that if I have the opportunity to absorb some of the negative energy in the world, I am making the world a better place to be. But sometimes, I ponder - what is happening when I absorb all this negative energy? Is it gone, or is it just getting stuck in me? How am I supposed to exorcise it from my very core, or do I just let it pile on, and on, and on? Will the weight of it literally break me, some day? Should I instead shout back just to get the negative energy away from me?

For now, know that I'm showing more control than you could ever know.

Elaine

Walking Home

On the days I work from home, unless I'm in the middle of a conference call, I pick Connor up from school. Helen has liked this lately, because apparently the walk is just. too. long. I should make her walk with me, but I've been having so much fun with Connor, that I can't bring myself to do it. Also, if I'm running behind it's easier to run the few blocks without either carrying Helen or pushing the enormous double stroller I have that I should get rid of, but keep holding onto because I just don't want to hear Connor whine about not getting to ride when Helen does get to ride. I might be softer than anyone knows. Also, I love picking Connor up because since I surprised the class with cookies about a week ago, I've become a legend. Today, a girl that I don't know in the class called out "Connor's mom?" (which is my name at school), so I asked her how she was doing. She replied "you make the best cookies". I told her Connor and I had been talking about bringing them to school again on Friday because the class was going to have "Drop Everything and Read" time. I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull it off or not.

On today's walk home, I don't think Connor ever walked a step. He's decided that skipping is faster, and pretty much since he got his sling off last Tuesday, he's been skipping. It's a loud, high-bouncing, off-kilter skip that makes me smile every time. Until he crashes. That will make my heart stop for the third time since he broke his arm.*

He told me today was a great day because in P.E., they got to play a game of tag where the participants could either skip or gallop. He chose to skip, because it's faster than galloping. Then, he told me that his regular classroom teacher became "furious". I was expecting to get some juicy story about a teacher's head exploding, and even though it would be perfectly reasonable for her head to explode, I still thought the story would be good. So I casually asked "what happens when Mrs. M. becomes furious?". And Connor replied "well, she goes to the front of the room, puts her foot down on the ground and tells us she's furious". Talk about disappointment. I asked if it reminded him of me and he said "I don't think you've ever really gotten furious". He also told me that when his teacher is furious, she moves everyone's clips, which he then amended to say "everyone who wasn't following the rules", which he assured me was not him. His clip was not moved.

The gossip wasn't as good as I expected, but it was still a good walk home. By the end of the walk, he was making plans to play bunny store, which is the activity du jour in our backyard these days. Apparently now is a good time to play because brown leaves are the money, and we have a lot of brown leaves.

Elaine

*Prior to Connor's broken arm, I rarely worried about falls. Since he has fallen, my heart stopped when he fell the Monday following surgery, and ultimately knocked the pins out of place, though not so out of place that they had to be replaced. It stopped a second time last Friday when we were at a Planetarium in Schenectady, NY and Ed was holding Connor's left hand. Connor stumbled and started to fall. Ed yanked on Connor's left arm to break the fall. Luckily, he did not re-injure the arm. I already know it will stop a third time the next time Connor falls. I'm steeling myself for it in advance.

Science Sunday: Week 4

We're traveling to health sciences this week, which is a surely a stretch for Science Sunday. Our query begins with the hypothesis: Elaine will not have a heart attack if she jogs a 5K, despite being completely unprepared.

Last Wednesday night, Ed's home town held a fireworks show. On the flier advertising the fireworks show, a 5K Turkey Trot was also advertised. Ed asked whether I wanted to run. Normally, Ed counts on me to bail him out of his stupid ideas, but this time, I decided to let him hang.

I told him I'd be happy to run 5K, even though I was completely unprepared. The things I lacked were plenty: training, an appropriate bra, appropriate shoes, appropriate clothing of any kind. I figured he would see my sorry state and he would bail me out, but he didn't. We stood in line, under the guise that Ed's sister-in-law would be joining us. By the time I made it to the front, she had decided to drop out, but neither Ed nor I were willing to follow suit. Stubbornness.

I borrowed running tights and a silk undershirt from Ed's Dad.

Our hypothesis was proven true. Thirty minutes and 8 seconds after the race started, I crossed the finish line. I walked through the water station, and paused briefly to give Helen a hug when I saw her on the side of the road. Connor had joined Ed a few minutes earlier to run the last half mile or so of the race. Ed and Connor finished a minute before me, so neither of us got to see the other cross the line.

Note photo awesomeness here - both feet are off the ground!

Winners, all!

Happy Thanksgiving!
Elaine

Fall / Winter Crafts: Week 4 Tooth Fairy Pillow

Connor has watched most of his peers lose teeth, but so far, his are holding on tight, despite his wishes to the contrary. A few weeks ago, I noticed a loose one up front when I brushed his teeth, but wiggling it was painful and Connor is most definitely not into being in pain. Since the excitement of the first loose tooth wore off, Connor has been tenderly avoiding most contact with that tooth, requesting apples be cut into very thin slices and complaining about other foods on occasion.

In anticipation, I made this pillow, with design suggestions from Connor.

Last week, when Connor was in surgery, the anesthesiologist mentioned that occasionally loose teeth get knocked out during surgery, and we assured him this would be fine with Connor. In fact, Connor would like that to happen. It didn't.

On Tuesday, Connor went to his regular dental appointment and the hygienist mentioned that his loose tooth could be pulled out with a little dental floss - but she didn't offer to do the deed. Connor made a bit of an effort to do so on Wednesday night, but to no avail.

I have no idea when the tooth will finally fall out, but I'm pretty sure when it does, the tooth fairy will probably leave this poem. I got the idea from here.

This night it is a special night

As fairies dance upon the roof.

All the fairies must alight,

For Connor just lost a tooth!

The Fairy Queen gives her commands-

Twelve bright fairies must join hands

Then together in a circle stands

To guard Connor while he sleeps.

The Tooth Fairy into the circle leaps

The hidden tooth she takes

Ah, but has far to go

Before Connor awakes.

Three times around the world she flies

Over valleys deep and mountains high;

Skirts the storm clouds thick with thunder,

Wings over waves all wild with wonder.

Deep within their earthly homes

Finally she finds the gnomes,

Who upon the tooth must work

Never once their duty shirk.

Some are hammering, hammering, hammering,

Some the bellows blow

Others sweat at the sweltering forge

And then cry out, “Heigh Ho!” 

The tooth’s been turned to a shining stone,

A glimmering, glowing gem

The tooth Fairy takes the gnomes’ good gift,

And curtsies to all of them.

Before the sun’s first rays are shown,

She returns to Connor’s bed,

And then - - - away she’s flown!

I've tucked a gem into my coat pocket that will probably look very similar to the gem that appears in the tooth fairy pillow the morning following the lost tooth. 

Elaine

Instructions for making a tooth fairy pillow:

Cut out two felt squares approximately 2 inches in length. Sew a small pocket for a tooth onto one piece of felt, and sew a larger pocket that could hold a gem on the other fest square. Embellish as desired. Sew two squares together and stuff with wool. 

{this moment}

From SouleMama: {this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Share your own moment in the comments or at SouleMama.com.

 

 

Around the House Week 4: Thanksgiving

This year, I'm thankful for emergency room doctors who make calls to orthopedic surgeons, and orthopedic surgeons who answer those calls - even when they're not on duty. I'm thankful for a clause in our insurance that provides 100 percent coverage for everything related to an accident that happens within 72 hours, which means the first round of Connor's surgery was covered completely. Amazing luck. I'm thankful for bones that heal quickly and even more, I'm thankful for whatever force caused Connor to land on his non-dominant arm when he fell,  rather than anywhere else. Even more amazing luck. As bad as Connor's fall was, I'm well aware it could have been much worse. As of Tuesday afternoon, I'm thankful for a little boy that is walking around without a sling.

I'm thankful for fancy chocolate shops and delicious cupcake shops - and probably even more thankful that they are next to each other about a mile from my home. Pure Indulgence.

I'm thankful for Helen, who runs at mid-to-top speed most of the time, laughing most of the way. I'm thankful for the "I love you, too", that she says most nights in her sleep when I make sure she's tucked in warmly before I go to bed. I'm even thankful for the way she digs into an argument. It'll serve her well in her future.

I'm thankful for Connor's good spirit. Without it, his broken arm would've been much worse. He adapted well to limited abilities, though I have yet to break it to him that he can't ski until the new year. Shhh...

I'm thankful for a gift of a second grade teacher, who has wrapped Connor in love and kindness, and finds a way to push him when he needs it. She coordinated a balloon delivery and get well cards from the class, which meant a lot to Connor. I delivered chocolate chip cookies to the class a few afternoons ago as a thank you to them and I was thankful for those kids, because more than one of them expressed that these were the best cookies they'd ever had, exclaimed "these are homemade!", and asked me to give them the recipe because their grandma knew how to cook. Talk about an ego boost!

I'm thankful for Helen's school. There's no place else I would want to drop her off in the morning.

I'm thankful for little people who still think I can solve most problems. I'm also thankful when they solve those problems on their own.

I'm thankful for rhythms that ground our house and equally thankful for surprises that keep us on our toes. 

And finally, I'm thankful for the glass stars that hang in my kitchen window, disbursing the occasional rainbow and hanging always as a reminder that there is beauty in the world. I'm so lucky to be able to enjoy it.

 Elaine

First Sleep Over

Helen and her friend ACDD have been angling for a sleepover for a long time. At some point in the summer, ACDD's mom and I agreed that yes, they could have a sleep over. ACDD has an older sister that is Connor's age, and she and Connor weren't about to let the littles get something that they weren't getting - so we decided on a double sleepover.

Ed's and my original plan was to take the bigs and stick ACDD's parents with the littles. But then Helen wasn't too certain about sleeping away from home, so the four children decided that the littles would be at my house and the bigs would be at the other house. DOH!

As the date neared, Connor balked. I never got a straight answer to why, but I sent an email to ACDD's mom and asked her to bring pajamas for both kids, because I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I figured we'd end up with all four children, which actually wouldn't be a problem.

But No! Helen insisted that her and ACDD wanted to have a sleep over AWAY from the bigs and if that meant she had to pack her bag, so be it. So the littles headed off to ACDD's house and the bigs stayed at my house. Did you notice how that worked out? I got the bigs! SCORE!

And truly, we had a blast. It was perhaps the only time that Ed and I have gotten to sit and play games with Connor without any interruption. Usually one of us is busy with Helen or doing some random chore. But we'd set aside the night and Connor chose Mousetrap and Yahtzee.

Helen was fine, of course, and had a great time. She definitely wants to have a sleep over again. And now that Helen has paved the way for a sleep over at the other house, Connor is happy to go there. So I guess Ed and I get the littles next time.

On Saturday night, Connor went to his first sleep-over not at our house. A friend of his had a birthday party and wow, is that mom brave. Her husband was out of town, so she had several 7-8 year old boys at her house. Connor was exhausted the next day, but had a blast. They had a bonfire, played video games, stayed up late talking and giggling, and he reportedly ate about 50 strawberries for dinner and the next morning he had waffles, strawberries, syrup, and whipped cream. He would like his "Wednesday waffles" served this way from now on.

Connor's absence meant that Ed and I had Helen alone on Saturday - and this is an equally unique moment as having Connor without Helen. We let Helen choose dinner, and even though it ended up being left-overs, we pulled out all the stops. Helen insisted we eat in the dark with only candlelight so we could really see the candles well. We also added a fancy cheese plate to the menu with Helen's new favorite cheese - Medoro. She has great taste in cheese because I regularly take her to the wine and cheese shop near our home. While there, she always picks out a cheese to taste, and then insists we buy some to bring home (which she occasionally decides she's doesn't like, but usually eats it). Often, the shopkeepers gift Helen with a little chocolate treat while she's there, which might be why she likes to go there so much!

Elaine